Is your birth story what you had planned?
I was thinking about this a bit recently. What happens when your birth story isn’t what you planned? I remember very clearly planning the actual birth of my first child extremely carefully down to the smallest detail. I had the soundtrack that would accompany my labour on my i-pod at least 10 weeks before my due date.
My husband had mapped the route to the hospital several ways. One depended on traffic and the time of day, another relied on which roads had the least traffic lights and another was the one with the least amount of speed bumps.
As with many things it didn’t go to plan and when Mr Large arrived quite frankly I couldn’t have cared less how they got him out, only that he started breathing normally again.
He managed to diffuse the tension in a highly stressed out operating theatre by weeing all over the surgeon who delivered him and to this day proudly tells that story.
I’m also pleased to say the births of Miss Medium and Mr Small were a lot more relaxed, mainly because I had learned a valuable lesson about relaxing just a little bit more.
In contrast, a girlfriend of mine planned a home water birth. It went beautifully for her. She was relaxed and calm and I loved just how zen her approach to the whole process was. I like my deliveries to involve a cast and crew with lots of medical degrees behind them. That’s just who I am. As it turned out, particularly with my eldest child, it was just as well.
But what if you get a different ending to the one you planned? I read this birth story a few months ago and even now it is still in my head. It is the most incredible story, filled with love and joy and some heartbreak as well.
What if your birth has a different ending? In this case it also meant a new and beautiful beginning. I can’t stop thinking about this amazing story. What are your thoughts?
32 Member comments Post a reply
Having read Nella's story, Sarah thinks about what happens when your birth plan changes
Read the full blog post: Is your birth story what you had planned?
Posted 10 February 2011 - 01:22 AM
what an amazing, beautiful and honest story. My birth definately didn't go according to plan. I had hoped to have a nice calm water birth but was admitted to hospital during labour due to high blood pressure.We came close to loosing my little man when he had the cord around his neck, coming out crooked and in distress. His name is Matthew. After naming him I came across a name book and looked it up to find the meaning - it means gift from God, and he truly is.
Posted 28 February 2011 - 10:51 PM
I definitely got a different ending to what i had pictured and planned for. Pregnant at 25, family and friends told me i wont have any issues with my pregnancy since im still young but every step wasnt what my husband and i expected. Found out i had a cyst at 5weeks, then i had spotting at 9weeks. The half way mark of 20weeks i found out i had a low lying placenta and it is completely blocking the cervix. I had bleeding at 29 weeks and lost 300ml of blood and i was in bed rest for 10days at the hospital. At 36 weeks released 3 blood cloths and bingo i had to go on a emergency c. The planning of a normal birth wasnt a choice at 20weeks. All the things i went through with my little bub just made my husband and i a stronger person. A truly blessing she is and i am so thankful everyday i have her in my arms. You can plan but expect the unexpected.
Posted 28 February 2011 - 11:06 PM
My birth plan was a very relaxed and go with the flow attitude, as a student nurse and having witnessed a few I discovered that they were so different from the last, so rather then having a strict plan I just had some ideas however was not going to get upset if things didn't go my way! I think that helped to create a calm state of mind for me and managed to have my son in a very trouble free manner
Posted 01 March 2011 - 10:15 AM
That was such a touching story of the birth of her beautiful daughter. As I type this I am wiping away tears. That story has moved me.
I'm a bit of control freak so leading up to my DD's birth I was freaking out about not being in control of the situation. My mother talked sense into me and told me that I can't control eveything and that I would have to leave it in the skilled and capable hands of the midwives and my obgyn. And that's exacty what I did. I went in with no preconceived ideas of how it was supposed to be and no built up fairytale and it was perfect. The moment I held my DD to my chest was the best moment of my life and it changed me forever.
Posted 01 March 2011 - 10:47 AM
DS's Birth was amazing and empowering grin Coudlnt have had a better birth!
DD's Birth idl never want to relive...was horrific to say the least! nearly ended in Emergency Csec sad
Posted 01 March 2011 - 10:56 AM
The birth of of our little girl definalty did not go to plan! I was booked in for a c section as our baby was breech, so i was prepared for the section, well i thought i was!! On our way to theatre, all good, on the bed ready for my spinal block, the doc tried 3 times & couldnt get in the correct place so within 5 seconds my husband was out the door & i was put under a general, we both missed her birth & didnt have time or think to leave our camera, so we have no photos of her birth! Then she was taken to the nursery for low blood sugar & i didnt get to see her untill 3pm, i had her at 8:30am. We had a few other isuess with our little girl after her birth & spent quite a while in hospital with her. But am happy to report now that she is perfect!! The thought of a second birth still scares me tho!!
Posted 02 March 2011 - 10:56 PM
Thankyou for recommending that story. It put alot of what I experienced during my 2 births into perspective. Neither of the births of my 2 sons went according to plan. Not that i really had a plan with either of then other than to stay as relaxed and calm as I could, my first birth was very long. I stopped and started my labour for 32 hours. Needless to say I was totally exhausted but I gave birth naturally.
For the birth of my 2nd son, Oliver, I was prepared for it to be a quicker, easier labour as everyone had told me "The second time is alot easier!" We'll for me it wasn't at all, if anything it was twice as hard. Although it didn't take as long as my first, there were more complications. After going through the stopping and starting I went through with my first labour, I opted for an epidural as I knew from the first time how exhausted i might get. Basically the epidural caused my blood pressure to drop drastically and dramatically and I needed adrenaline twice. Oliver was not in any danger so the doctors decided to stop the epidural (which although was the best option, seemed cruel to me at the time). I finally gave birth naturally and delivered Oliver at only 8cm dilated and no urge to push as there was meconium. All of this with only gas.
As a result, my husband and I have decided not to have anymore children. I love my boys very much and feel complete.
Posted 03 March 2011 - 07:42 AM
Personally, if anyone was to ask me for advice regarding 'birthing plans' I would just recommend 'go with it' We all have preconceived ideas of how we'd like it to go ( and for how long..!) but reality is, we have absolutely NO control, and admittedly that can be a terrifying thought, but it is the truth. My husband and I had vague ideas of how we'd like the birth to go (staying at home for as long as possible, hot baths, take a few relaxing CDs in, use of fit ball etc) but also had the attitude of 'be flexible' and I'm really glad we had that. We were in hospital for 24 hours before being induced, labour lasted 9 hours with 2 hours of pushing to result in an emergency c section... Not what we had planned at all! In the end you really don't care, you just want to hold your little miracle and ensure that they're safe and healthy! The only thing you can be sure of in child birth is that a) at the end of the drama there will be a beautiful baby to hold and cool ANYTHING can happen! : )
Posted 09 March 2011 - 07:42 PM
I didn't have a plan. That way, if things went wrong, i wouldn't be disappointed. I think people who plan to much 9 times out of 10 end up horribly disappointed which could possibly lead to PND and other bonding problems like trouble breastfeeding etc.
Posted 09 March 2011 - 11:48 PM
my birthing plan didnt go the way on how i had it planned,it was kinda scary but it was still the best time of my life of giving birth to my beautiful son. i had a bit of problems dueing the birth but i got threw it in the end, and my baby is happy and healthy.
Posted 10 March 2011 - 05:18 AM
Yes with DS2 and no for DS1. DS2s birth was healing in that sense because we got with him what we weren't 'allowed' to have with DS1.
For me, there was no way I wasn't going to plan for what I wanted when pregnant the 2nd time in case I was disappointed; life is full of disappointment and I have learned to deal with how my dream wasn't fulfilled with DS1's birth. I still wanted to plan for the dream though, and if it didn't turn out the way I dreamed it, well I'd deal with it just like I had with DS1.
Posted 11 March 2011 - 11:17 PM
My birth plan is not set in stone. I consider it to be my birth Preferences. Of course if things don't go according to plan I will go with medical advice, what mother wouldn't?
The story was beautiful
Posted 11 March 2011 - 11:21 PM
that story is so beautiful. her open honesty truly touched me. so good of her to share her 'disappointment' at the time of birth of course she loves her girl, but I feel for her.
i really didn't really have a birth plan for Dd birth, but this time I have writen an open one, things like, I want to try to stay up right and moving, I want to ask for drugs not have them suggested, i want to try to avoid drugs and use more natural pain management techniches. I want Dh to have the option of cutting the cord and if possible for it to be left to stop pulsing before cutting. bubs to stay with Dh or I at all times (where safe) . each statement starts with I hope or I want to try. if i end up needing an induction or C-sect or other assistance most of this will still apply.
Posted 13 March 2011 - 03:33 AM
Well, I can say my labour went half as well as I had planned. I was all in for a natural labour wich suprisingly I did have excluding the gas. The accupressures we performed worked extreemly well, and the hot water on my back was a bonus.
Being in labour for only 4 hours may have helped me achive my natural labour and I do thank being induced for my short labour.
From my experience I think try all you can that is natural, Accupressure, Rescue remedy, Hot water etc, but then again everyone is different and we all will experience a different labour. You could say I was very lucky smile
I would agree, I feel for the mums that have long hard labour.
Posted 13 March 2011 - 06:04 AM
Thank you thank you thank you for that story. Two weeks ago my son was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder which has certainly changed our journey in life. When you first fall pregnant you imagine a healthy 'normal' baby and when you perfect plan takes a different direction it can be heart breaking. What you do learn is that your love never stops growing and that your life keeps on going, even if it's in the complete opposite direction.
Our journey may be hard but the best things in life are never easy.
Posted 16 March 2011 - 10:18 AM
What a beautiful story thank you so much for sharing. xx
Posted 24 March 2011 - 12:37 AM
I had a basic birth plan... No drugs (as long as I didn't need them, other than GAS) & a water birth, other than that I wanted to relax as MUCH as possible & go with the flow & let my body do the work. I skim read a really good book "Birth Skills" by Juju Sundin - and what I got out of it is RELAX & go with the flow.
And I was very lucky to get exactly that, I went 2 weeks over due date & my gorgess little girl was born the day before my induction date!!!
Everyone has very different birth stories & you can never really know what is going to happen until you are there, child birth is definately one of the biggest & most rewarding things I have ever done!!!
Posted 27 March 2011 - 04:11 AM
I didn't really have a birthing plan. My theory was I will do it withour drugs if I can, but I most definately wasn't ruling them out.
The birth of my daughter was horrible to say the least. I went into labor at midnight (after being up from 7am). I had been having contractions all day, but my contractions went from disconfort to pain. We got to the hospital and they wanted to send me home as they were full and I was only 2 or 3cm dialated. I said no and that I wanted pethadine. I received it at around 2am. All this did was make my husband think that its all good now and he went to sleep. My mum was with me and for that I am so thankful. At around 4am I asked for an epidural. I was told that I had to have another internal before they would give me one and they didn't want to do that till 6am. At 6:30 I was given my internal at which point I was 9cm and they wouldn't give me an answer about an epidural. I asked for more pethadine, I don't think I was given it. I don't remember at what point it was when I was in labour, but I remember not seeing any hospital staff for at least 2hrs, no one came to check on me.
At 8am they broke my waters, and she was meconium stained, not badly and they did monitor her on and off. I was pushing from around 8am. I continually heard not long now. Somewhere after 11am I was given syntocinon as I was not progressing any further. By this point I was exhausted. At around 12 they decided I was going to be taken to have the suction or forceps used. They sent my hubby off to change into a gown and started preping me. I remember them trying to put a catheter in when my little girl decided she was actually going to come. There was no real control of her head as she came out. Her head came out side on instead of front first. I ended up with 3rd degree tearing, verging on 4th and extensive wall and labial tearing. I had to be taken to surgery and put under a general to be stiched up.
So in short I didn't have a good experience, my birth plan for my next one is to ask for my epidural as soon as I walk into the hospital. It may sound silly to some, but after my first one I am still pretty scared of the labour part of children (2yrs on) and have seriously considered an elective c-section.
Posted 03 April 2011 - 09:56 PM
I had a horible birth. Did not go as i had planned. I was admitted to hospital on a tuesday because of my high blood pressure and my son had no fluid around him. If that wasnt scary enuf the next morning the doctor came in and told me they were going to induce me the next morning. He was only going to be 13days early and i thort that would be fine. finally on friday at 6am i started dialating without getting the petocine. but after that i dialated very fast and my sons heart rate started to drop. i was so scared. one minute it was just the midwife and my partner in the room next there were doctors everywhere. i had no idea what was going on. then they started telling me to push so i did with the assistance of forceps. i did not get to see my son when he was born as they were trying to get him to breathe i had no idea what was going on. i was so scared. next minute they had wheeled a incubator in and my son was gone. i didnt know what was going on i was so scared. he had the cord around his neck when he was born as well as his cords being very small and him only being 5pound 14ounces. i was so scared. i got takin to theatre to get stiched back up and 7 hours later i finally go to meet my lil man. but it wasnt how i wanted he had tubes and wires attached to him and i had to ask my partner which baby was mine. it was truely a life changing experience. but i am so happy my son is here with me today. wouldnt change him for the world!!!
Posted 05 April 2011 - 12:19 AM
My birth plan didn't go according to plan at all on 17th of july at around 10pm my water broke but me and my hubby thought i wet the bed due to the way our baby was resting her head on my bladder.During the next day and next i was in massive pain and my hubby decided to ring the hospital the nurse on the phone asked me to rate my pain and i told her between 6 and a 9 she then told me to take 2 pandols and try and rest because i was only 36 weeks and i couldn't be in labour just yet and that the pains i was having were due to my bladder and how my baby was resting onit.on the 19th of july the pains had stopped and i rested up for the day at aroung 4-5pm the pains had came back and where alot worse then the day before so again my hubby rang the hospital and they told us to came in. We waited in the waiting room for over 1hour well every one around us was waiting for there loved to have there babies i was sitting there crying in pain,when we got seen to the nurses run some test and put me on an iv drip and told us to releax we will be going home soon they made sure our baby was fine and where gonna send us home but one of the nurses decided to do a speck test before we left and lucky she did because i was 8to9cm dialated and they could see the babies head...the nurses told me at 10pm that i was in the last stages of the labour and a couple more pushes and the baby will be out.The midwive had to hook up a heart miontor on me and the baby because her heart beat had dropped they decied to drain my bladder because i couldn't go and i hadn't gone to the toilet for the last two days and then my pains had stopped altogether and i was hooked up to a hormore drip and within 2mintues i was back to pushing again at 5.06am on the 20th of july i gave birth to our daughter i didn't get to see her for to long the cord was wrapped around her neck and had slowed her breathing down after my hubby cut her cord and we both held her for about 1 mintue each they rushed her out of the room and into specail care nursery.At this stage they told my hubby to go home and rest up after he left the nurses told me my placenta was stuck and my options where to be put under or have an epruial i asked to be put under when i woke up i was already in my room hooked up to i.v drips because my water had broken 2 days eariler it had caused an infection to me and my baby the both of us were hooked up to i.v so i didn't get to see her unless my partner was there to help me.My daughter stayed in the speacail care nursery for a week and i got sent home after 3 days and the all clear in the time the nurses wouldn't send my baby up to my room after she had the all clear and was off the drips some of the nurses thought i was a teen mum and wouldn't be able to handle taking my baby to my room and even home.After having a long talk to some of the nurses and only having one nurse stick up for me and my hubby we where able to take our baby girl home. My birth plan wasn't what i had planned and thought i had a natural birth which i wanted and i didn't tear during the labour what scared me wasn't the pain of it it was seeing our little girl destressed when she came out due to the cord wrapped around her neck and hardly breathing for me that hurt the must watching the doctors and nurses hook her up to i.v drips and do test on her to make her breathing stronger...but after a week in specail care nursery our daughter was able to came home with us and i am happy to report that our baby girl is nearly 1 and is doing great none of this has stopped me and my hubby from planning on having more childern in the future yes it was a little scary at times and a little bit painful but all of that was and is worth in the end when you get to hold your baby in your arms
Posted 08 April 2011 - 01:40 AM
The birth of my first baby started out fine, waters broke at 3pm, MW visited and checked me - all fine. Went to hstpl at 9pm, told baby was in great position, contractions getting way stronger but still no sign of baby by 10pm. 11.10pm baby delivered - Full breech with no pain relief! Have 8 sticthes and nine days later still have extreme pain using the loo! when does it end??
Posted 27 April 2011 - 10:20 PM
simply...i planned a "perfect birth"..not overdue,no induction,no drugs,no stiches,no ceserean,no hospital stay an no problems..but i got all of the above!!!xactly 2 weeks overdue i was induced my waters broke at 2am,at 9am i was advised to hav an epidural shot(as i was dialating slowly)by 7pm i was only 7cm so i was warned of a cesa.i was finally 10cm (feeling contractions in btween epidural topups) an was been taken to theatre for forcepes delivery only to get there an be told i have the wrong pelvic shape babys head wont fit emergency cesa,they topd me up again then slice pull prod contraction nurses hand stuk drug to stop contraction strech tugg tugg pop waaaaa...11.11pm makenzie was born,2 days later i was found to have an infection in my cesa sight an after a 5day stay and lots of drugs later i returned home thankfully!!!
Posted 12 May 2011 - 11:46 PM
Hi,
& NO !
My birth was not what i expected at all......
I was diagnosed with pre - eclampsia and was induced 2 days later at 36 weeks..
I was incuced early hours on a friday morning, They used the cervical tape, I was having great contractions & regular, However was checked 6 hours later and well nothing had changed, So they gave me gel, Only to find 7 hours later nothing again...So more gel then 7 hours later still no change ! So i was then put on the drip... I was checked several times still nothing (the drip was on as high as possible) I finally made it to 1cm dialated when they were able to break my waters.... I had the epidural as i was so so tired...I got a few hours sleep then the epidural was switched off as i wanted to "feel & experience" the birth...I was checked hours later and still no progress... I was then told i had 1 hour to fully dialated or i will be going in for a c-section and lucky for me i was 10cm dialated in that hour, I began pushing and pushing 1hr & 1/2 he had not moved, so the doctor decided to use the vacumme suction (he was facing the wrong way) so he was born shortly after, he was put on my chest, i remember getting stitches and then a manual removal of the placenta as the placenta wasnt coming out...Then that is all i remember, I passed out as i hemriged and lost 3ltrs of blood and i woke up hours later to find i was in a bad way...& my little boy was in special care... It was a horrible experience but im so thankful that i have my boy who is happy & healthy ! my son wasnt born until saturday it was a long drawn out process....
Posted 17 May 2011 - 08:34 PM
NO its was not what i expected. the placenta stoped growing at 33 weeks didnt find out till 38 weeks and had to be induced when her head was coming out the silly doc didnt tell me to slow down i pushed to hard just as her head was only a little bit out and she flew out the doc just managed to catch her and my bf nearly got sprayed lol so i ended up with a 2 degee tear this is my first baby and it was only a 4 half hr tear this worrys me when i want to have my second baby oh and i planned not to use any drugs and i only had gass and my contractions were all over the place. I am glad thats over and is very happy with my newborn bub who is 2 weeks and 2 days old and is in premmi clothes still we got to go home 3 days later smile
Posted 13 November 2011 - 10:38 PM
NO its was not what i expected. the placenta stoped growing at 33 weeks didnt find out till 38 weeks and had to be induced when her head was coming out the silly doc didnt tell me to slow down i pushed to hard just as her head was only a little bit out and she flew out the doc just managed to catch her and my bf nearly got sprayed lol so i ended up with a 2 degee tear this is my first baby and it was only a 4 half hr tear this worrys me when i want to have my second baby oh and i planned not to use any drugs and i only had gass and my contractions were all over the place. I am glad thats over and is very happy with my newborn bub who is 2 weeks and 2 days old and is in premmi clothes still we got to go home 3 days later smile
Posted 13 November 2011 - 10:38 PM
NO its was not what i expected. the placenta stoped growing at 33 weeks didnt find out till 38 weeks and had to be induced when her head was coming out the silly doc didnt tell me to slow down i pushed to hard just as her head was only a little bit out and she flew out the doc just managed to catch her and my bf nearly got sprayed lol so i ended up with a 2 degee tear this is my first baby and it was only a 4 half hr tear this worrys me when i want to have my second baby oh and i planned not to use any drugs and i only had gass and my contractions were all over the place. I am glad thats over and is very happy with my newborn bub who is 2 weeks and 2 days old and is in premmi clothes still we got to go home 3 days later smile
Posted 13 November 2011 - 10:38 PM
I am glad it all turned out ok for you! Mine did not go as planned either. We thought we would go to the hospital, do the water thing, the ball, massage, then epidural etc. When I called after my show they told me to wait at home as my contractions were only lasting 10 seconds or so and 10-12 mins apart. An hour later I called and told them I was going in, the pain was getting much more intense. I arrived, 8cm dilated! How lucky I went. No time for an epidural, gas only, which was fine, and delivered 3 hours later. We also had some complications, they took him away after just a very short time on my chest as he had breathing difficulties. He spent 3 days in the oxygen tank, but we left on day 5 with him fine (they still don't know what the issue was, hope we never find out). Thank god he is ok, children really are the most precious thing in the world.
Posted 08 April 2012 - 02:08 AM
I don't really understand why women feel they don't have any control. Do you mean that you can't control how birth unfolds?
With my first birth it took an unexpected turn and l chose a pre term induction. Not what l had planned but felt totally in control of the process. When and how the synto was administered, if/when l had internals, the choice of monitoring, active labour, choice of birthing position, eating/drinking whenever l wanted, who was in the room, what l wore, who touched my baby after delivery, who cut the cord, whether l wanted stitches, and the list goes on. Although birth didn't 'go to plan' l had complete control.
I believe if you 'go with the flow' you hand over responsibility and control to others. My body, my birth, my responsibility.
Posted 08 April 2012 - 10:23 PM
Definately NOT! what i had planned i wanted to give birth quietly with just me my mum my partner and the midwife in the room. i wanted to go without drugs but instead i ended up being rushed to hospital at 26 weeks gestation by the time i got there i was 9 cm dialated and bub was in breech presentation, i was stripped naked had close to 30 doctors, nurses ect in the room with me in all my glory. the hospital i was taken to didnt deliver under 36 weeks so we were hoping the best expecting the worst, i had a helicopter ready to go but they couldnt fly me because of my membranes so i had an emergancy c section i had no choice but to be knocked out because they couldnt sit me up to give me the epidural. completely off what i had planned for my labour, but none the less i am so grateful to have my bubb who is now 9 months old and is so healthy and thriving and without hes full time oxygen you wouldnt even take a second look and think he was prem he is up to hes actual age for milestones not corrected which is amazing, and coming so close to losing him makes me appreciate how mch of a miriacle and blessing a baby really is. id say if i ever get pregnant agin i wont make a plan i will just go with the proffesionals and what they say to do.
Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:40 AM
Yes and No, not what I planned, but better than I expected. DD was born at 41 +4 by c/s, I planned to at least go into labour, not much more of a plan, just "go into labour". Bub's never engaged, and her head size made it unlikely that she would ever (same head size as DS who didn't either), it was decided that I should have a c/s.
There was no elective list for c/s's on the day DD was born, so it was a case of come in early and wait till Theatre had the time/space for me. I was expecting a very nervous wait forgotten in a backroom in delivery, followed by a scary ride to Theatre and all the complications in the world (I'm a "worst case worrier" in case that wasn't obvious.
While the wait was 17 hours, we weren't forgotten, both the midwife and ob on duty kept us in the loop and were attentive as they could be given that Delivery was full. The triip to Theatre was good, the wardsman was making constant banter with the midwife, and made me feel comfortable, and let me know his role in this. The Anesthiesits (?) were wonderful, upbeat and engaging, he and she were the 2 main medical professionals who were "in charge" of me. The surgery went well, and I was up and about within 12 hours.
Better than I expected, but not what I had planned.
Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:30 PM
So if a women goes with the flow doesn't mean she hands over control or responsibility yes it is your body but given that pregnancy has many unexpected for a lot of women and complications and same as labour and delivery So no matter how much you plan iv learnt that the journey of life is not one we have complete control over
Some women like to plan others don't their is no right or wrong
I never plan a thing in my day to day life so when i got pregnant same and even my labour and delivery didn't plan a thing
With both my experiences of birth so far iv been the same and I count my self as a very lucky person 2 uncomplicated natural Births
A women is free to plan as much as she wants or as little and to go with the flow doesn't mean you have given your body rights away
It just means that no matter what comes up it happens you tacke it deal with and proceed forward
Posted 10 April 2012 - 09:04 AM
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