Where are you on surrogacy?
I know of a fellow blogger whose story I have been following for a few years now who is a wonderful mother. Only she doesn’t have a baby to hold in her arms yet. She longs to. She and her husband have spent thousands of dollars in treatments including IVF and undergone painful and invasive procedures in order to become parents.
So I watched with interest when people were so critical of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s announcement about their new baby who was born by a gestational carrier. The thing is, we don’t know their story. It isn’t really any of our business in many ways. But I’d place good money on the odds that they underwent a similar journey to my friend Bec, and that Nicole’s age probably didn’t help her in this case.
I must admit I did wonder at what the difference between a gestational carrier and a surrogate was. According to trusty experts123:” A gestational carrier is not genetically related to the baby. The carrier has embryos transferred to her consisting of eggs and sperm from either the prospective parents or donors. The baby may be genetically related to both prospective parents, to one prospective parent or to neither of them. A traditional surrogate is artificially inseminated with sperm from the prospective father and is genetically related to the baby."
Essentially the term Surrogacy” means, “help”. In my mind I think surrogates are extraordinary people. Really I do. It is such an incredible thing to do and involves so many complex factors.The laws concerning surrogacy are complicated and differ from state to state. Commercial surrogacy where a surrogate is paid to carry a couple’s child is banned across almost all states in Australia except in the Northern Territory. The NT has no restrictions. In contrast, all forms of surrogacy are illegal in Tasmania. As long as the surrogate doesn’t make a profit, surrogacy is allowed across the rest of Australia. In March however, in NSW the laws will change and commercial agreements for surrogacy and overseas travel for surrogacy will be banned. The government argues it will prevent the exploitation of overseas women.
I don’t know what the future holds for my friend Bec. I hope her dream of motherhood is fulfilled. This probably won’t be a path they go down. But wouldn’t it be great if the laws surrounding alternatives like surrogacy were just a tad less complicated?
42 Member comments Post a reply
The laws in Oz surrounding surrogacy are fraught & complicated. What are your thoughts?
Read the full blog post: Where are you on surrogacy?
Posted 21 February 2011 - 02:24 AM
Like anything, surrogacy has pros & cons, for everyone involved & done right can be a wonderful gift. but also like anything getting it right is a whole other matter.... but i do think people here in Australia & Qld should have the option.
kat
Posted 23 February 2011 - 02:52 AM
Like most things we REALLY don't what to think until we are standing in some elses shoes. Before I was told I was infertile I wasn't as sympathetic as I am now to surrogacy. Having explored it I now see it as the amost amazing gift one women can give another woman - the chance to become a mother.
Before I started reseaching I thought it was a relatively new thing but surrogacy (traditional) has been occuring for thousands of years. It is even mentioned in the bible (Hagar had a baby for Sarai). So I think it is a good thing. I still have issues around 'payment' and the possible commercialisation around it though. But that is a seperate issue. As long as both parties the surrogate and the IP's (intending parents) work at a good relationship, can trust each other and the surrogate is well cared for during the pregnancy - I think it is something that we will hopefully see more of.
Posted 27 March 2011 - 07:13 PM
Hi Everyone,
I firstly just want to wish all the mothers and mothers to be congratulations and luck. My husband and I havent been blessed with children, as I have crohnes disease, the doctors have said I may be able to have children, but the chances arent high. So for 10 years nothing. We have been apart of nephew and nieces lives, we love children so much.
We are so desperate to be parents, so we are willing to try anything, first surrogacy and if that doesnt work, we are off to the US to adopt a newborn.
Does anybody have any information where to find a surrogate?? Im so confused I dont know where to start to get some information and help. I have found a few links online and you have to pay a fee to get information and I will do that later, but thought Id ask here if anybody knew anything.
I am so grateful for any help, even if there is somebody in or position, it will be great to hear from you.
Sincerely
Suzanna
Posted 20 May 2011 - 05:03 AM
hi all
we also are desparate to find a surrogate to help us. I am unable to carry after problems complicating my daughters birth - basically Asherman's syndrome where the lining does not respond to treatment. Many rounds of ivf and some donor eggs have failed. We are bleak and lacking hope and i am praying that there is an angel out there who might help us. I am crying as i write this. So desparately wanting another child, but not seeing how it will happen. PLease someone help us! PLease send us a PM if you think you might be able to assist!!
We will be forever grateful!!
Jillyx
Posted 23 May 2011 - 02:38 AM
hi all
we also are desparate to find a surrogate to help us. I am unable to carry after problems complicating my daughters birth - basically Asherman's syndrome where the lining does not respond to treatment. Many rounds of ivf and some donor eggs have failed. We are bleak and lacking hope and i am praying that there is an angel out there who might help us. I am crying as i write this. So desparately wanting another child, but not seeing how it will happen. PLease someone help us! PLease send us a PM if you think you might be able to assist!!
We will be forever grateful!!
Jillyx
Posted 23 May 2011 - 02:40 AM
i am all for surrogacy, adoption, ivf it is every womens privilege to be a mother, that is why we were given this gift but unfortunately due to different circumstances some women are unable to fulfill this part of their life hence the need for help in some way or form it is the most rewarding gift to recieve the blessing of a child...........wishing you all the best
Posted 24 May 2011 - 10:43 PM
I am all for surrogacy! I think every woman or couple wanting it bad enough deserves a family.. I told my partner i would love to be one but under strict guidelines. I would never pull out doing it but for me to do it it wouldnt be able to come from either my partners sperm or my eggs so for me to be able to give up the child. And like every new parent be there at every appointment to get the most out of the experience. But i think theres nothing wrong with surrogacy, ivf and so on. Scientist have created these things so woman can forfil there dreams. Maybe i will in the future as i love being pregnant and theres nothing more better then the love you get from children and get given the gift of life from someone who cares!
Posted 27 May 2011 - 06:46 AM
Surrogate Mother Help Creating Families and Surrogacy in india is affordable. Surrogacy, Surrogacy law Clinic. Ivf Centers India
http://www.malhotrahospitals.com/ivf-treatments/surrogacy.php
Posted 25 June 2011 - 07:01 AM
Hi,
We are going to Georgia for surrogacy. It costs 27,500 USD in total and you pay in stages. There are 2 other Australian couples going there too. I'll send you all the details if you want to PM me. Jen.
Posted 01 July 2011 - 01:16 PM
We are looking for a gestational surrogate in Queensland.
I am unable to carry any more children as I had to have a hysterectomy after my second child.
Any advice?
Thanks, Kerry
Posted 06 July 2011 - 01:40 AM
im with you, why should we financially gain from what god gave to us for free?? im all for surrogacy and giving FREELY the gift of motherhood not for money, if i was to donate it would be for free so long as costs were covered such as plan cost and accom and all that
Posted 27 September 2011 - 05:24 PM
hi my hubby and l are having twins via surrogacy in thailand
we are unable to do it in australia , l would love to set up a support group for poeple like ourselves please contact me ,
Posted 07 November 2011 - 04:14 AM
I’m all for surrogacy!! I believe that everyone should be given the opportunity to have a family. I am blessed with a beautiful girl with another one on the way. I am disappointed with the laws that currently exist in Tassie (where I live) It makes any type of surrogacy illegal. I would be a surrogate for a dear friend who is unable to carry children. It could be done so that the child is biologically theirs. I believe it should be done freely, it is an amazing gift and should not be done just for financial gain. The only thing the future parents should be paying for would be doctor appointments, hospital costs, any pregnancy vitamins and I think it would be a good idea for all parties to also see a councillor.
Posted 07 November 2011 - 07:13 AM
Congratulations Tammy!
We have gone down a similar path. After 2 x ectopics, 10 x IVF cycles and 6 years on the local and international adoption list we now have twins due via Indian Surrogacy.
roll eyes roll eyes
Needless to say we encourage appropriate and ethecial handling of surrogacy and are disappointed with NSW decision to make it illegal.
Posted 07 November 2011 - 08:23 AM
Posted 07 November 2011 - 10:14 AM
Where abouts in Queensland do you live?
Posted 07 November 2011 - 10:21 AM
See i'm a bit in two minds over this one.
I believe that it should be done for free minus expences but on the other hand if you could be paid a small amount I believe that so many other women may be inclined to do it. Which would make it so much easier for all those out there who are desperate for a baby!
I know it's the wrong attitude to have as it should be a gift but if it would give these parents to be what they want form here in Aus. in what I believe to be a cleaner safer environment, I can clearly see the benefit.
There would have to be strong limits/restrictions etc. on it. Which is probably why it is still against the law to receive payment. I feel it would just be too hard to police!
Posted 07 November 2011 - 10:24 AM
I found this
http://www.ivf.com.au/ivf-donor-program/surrogacy.aspx
It doesnt sound like its that difficult and must not be illegal.
Posted 07 November 2011 - 07:33 PM
Why should more women be inclined to do it for money? That would just make it a job and you would have all sorts offering to do it just for the money and it would lead to all sorts of problems. Nothing except expenses should be paid to ensure that only genuine people become surrogates.
Posted 07 November 2011 - 07:50 PM
I think the moral and ethical issues surrounding surrogacy are a bit more complex than they appear. It is a relatively new reproductive option and I wonder how the kids will be affected when they grow up. You can love an adopted child as much as a biological one and provide them with the most caring and nurturing environment and they can still feel like an “outsider”. How will those surrogate kids feel when they are old enough to understand the implications of not being genetically related to their parents, or only being related to one of them? Or being related to both but not carried by their biological mother. I know how strong the desire to have a child is – that longing to hold a little bundle of joy that thinks you’re their whole world... but I think the children’s feelings are often overlooked.
I think another issue (from a medical point of view) is natural selection. Maybe we are interfering with nature and passing on characteristics which aren’t meant to be passed on. Are we creating a generation that will also go onto having reproductive problems?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against surrogacy (I have friends who’ve been trying to conceive for years and I have seen how not being able to have a child has affected them). I just think surrogacy is being portrayed as an easy fix to reproductive problems – when it’s not.
Posted 07 November 2011 - 09:10 PM
I think the child would feel special and even more wanted and loved. Many children are brought up in broken families living with one parent or the other, many children are adopted, and most still grow up to be well adjusted adults. There are strict regulations regarding adoption and surrogacy including psychiatric evaluation to ensure a happy outcome
Posted 08 November 2011 - 02:14 AM
I'm not saying that women should have this attitude but I feel that by allowing payment it would make more women prepared to do it.
Posted 08 November 2011 - 03:43 AM
Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:50 AM
Posted 08 November 2011 - 04:55 AM
hi Kerry we were in the same boat as you and believe that was it
but am greatful and happy to say we are expecting twins in March
l would like to form a support group and help more people like ourselves
contact me on tammy.ivf.surrogacy@gmail.com
cheers Tammy
Posted 08 November 2011 - 05:03 AM
unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way - despite everyone's best intentions
Posted 08 November 2011 - 09:50 AM
Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know that I am at the beginning of a surrogacy process in California.This is my blog.
http://mysurrogatebaby.blogspot.com/
Posted 02 January 2012 - 02:28 PM
i think its wonderful. i would love to be a gestational carrier, couldnt be a surrogate though.
Posted 02 January 2012 - 08:12 PM
Wow, just reading through every bodies posts / thoughts / pros and cons and options and thought I may as well give you my 2 bobs worth too laugh
Being a mum of 2 (Pink one 9 and Blue one 8) so many of us have fertility issues, it just breaks my heart to hear of people / couples having to spend so much money and travel overseas for their dreams of become parents to be made into reality sad
Late last year I became an egg donor, tried to help a couple that had be trying for over 10 years to have a child, sadly it did not end in a pregnancy sad
I contacted another couple at the beginning of this year, but they wish for someone younger and I wish them the best of luck with their search.
I would love to be able to help a couple full fill their dreams of becoming parents, as I know what it is like to hold your new born for the first time but and like everything it has its ups and downs but at the end of the day I think we are all entitle to be giving the chance.
I do think it matter's how the child 'make it to your home' through normal conception, IVF, surrogacy, adoption ect as long as the child is given the truth right from a young age and the words ' IVF, surrogacy, adoption ect ' are used around the child they may not fully understand but when they are old enough for it to be explained to them it will not come as a huge shock, they will love you no matter what, and the fact that you had gone to so much trouble to bring them into the world in the first place is only going to make them feel even more special and loved.
Well you all may not agree with me but I guess its just personal option - like breast V's bottle and Clothe V's disposables!!
Cheers Jane grin
Posted 18 January 2012 - 12:22 PM
totaly agree!!!
may i ask how old you are? i would love to carry a baby for someone but my husband doesnt like the idea so donating eggs is the next best thing.
Posted 18 January 2012 - 06:04 PM
Hi paige83,
I have just turned 34!
I too would love to carry a baby for someone, luckily I don't have the problem of a 'husband' :lol:lol
Being able to help someone else is just such an amazing feeling smile
Posted 19 January 2012 - 01:32 AM
Hi. It has been fascinating reading this blog. I am a gay man in a loving relationship with my partner and we are very excited about having children and have looked at options in India and the USA, but would really prefer to do it here in Australia if possible. We would love to hear from anyone who has information on how we might find a person who is willing to operate within the new Queensland surrogacy laws as we are uncertain as to how we would go about finding a surrogate.
We hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks for any information in advance.
Best Regards,
Mike and Mitch
Posted 29 January 2012 - 11:45 AM
[quote name='Michael-622' date='28 January 2012 - 11:45 PM' timestamp='1327758337' post='3133285'] Hi. It has been fascinating reading this blog. I am a gay man in a loving relationship with my partner and we are very excited about having children and have looked at options in India and the USA, but would really prefer to do it here in Australia if possible. We would love to hear from anyone who has information on how we might find a person who is willing to operate within the new Queensland surrogacy laws as we are uncertain as to how we would go about finding a surrogate. We hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks for any information in
Posted 02 February 2012 - 02:57 AM
Hi,
For those of you considering overseas surrogacy, how are you overcoming the Australia law, that states we are liable for massive fines and possible jail if we do so?
Marie
Posted 21 July 2012 - 12:21 PM
Hi everyone smile
Well I see this thread is quite old and I am just wondering if any of those who wanted to become a surrogate have done so and those wanting to find one, found one?
Hubby and I have just yesterday had our 8th IVF cycle which was negative. We have one frozen embryo left and after 8 failed attempts think it's pointless putting it back into me. I am interested if anyone has been through the surrogacy process recently and if there are any already-mothers out there that would be interested in helping us. We live in QLD and I understand that from June last year, surrogacy is now legal here. We want children more than anything, however my body keeps failing me and I feel like I would be wasting this last embryo by putting it back into me when we have already had 8 negative results sad Any information would be greatly appreciated. x
Posted 30 August 2012 - 09:33 AM
Hi Carly,
I would recommend joining Egg Donation Australia. It is a forum, kind of like this but more private. Some of the members are undertaking surrogacy. One is based on QLD and is very informative.
Do they know why the embryo's are not sticking? Is it a quality issue? Sorry for the personal questions.
Posted 30 August 2012 - 10:13 AM
Thanks for the reply Rissy, and thanks for the info, will have a look into that site. There just seemed to be so many people on here asking and offering surrogacy I was wondering if any of them panned out.
At this stage, no they don't know why they're not implanting. My HCG level has been zero every time, so no signs of implantation at all. The embryo quality is great.I have recently had another hysteroscopy and they have recently diagnosed a luteal phase defect, however this is usually solved with progesterone, which I have always been on following a transfer. For the cycle just passed, I was also on 10mg Prednisolone (steroids) incase I have a high level of natural killer cells (unable to get a biopsy at the hysteroscopy). I also had the intralipids infusion at the hospital this time too. Continued on with my acupuncture, and still a negative! sad sad sad
Posted 30 August 2012 - 01:24 PM
As a mother of 3 I have to say I would have done anything to have children, and would have paid someone if they were generous enough to help. I would also consider being an egg donor if I could not carry any more children, if my husband was in agreeance.
I may get the backlash here, but i think why shouldnt people get paid, you get paid by goverment to have one, and if 1 payment could stop someones heartache, why not????
I sincerely hope everyone going down this road gets their happy ending.
Posted 30 August 2012 - 02:55 PM
Hi Mike and Mitch,
Have you joined Surrogacy Australia, SA are the only surrogacy advocacy organisation in Australia. They have loads of great info on surrogacy and surrogacy catch ups every few months in Brisbane. Best wishes! Please PM me if you want to chat, I have been a surrogate before in QLD
Posted 21 September 2012 - 09:12 AM
It would be better if the option to reimburse the surrogate for a small amount of her and her families time. Most people can not afford to be a surrogate sad
Posted 21 September 2012 - 09:15 AM
It is all very complicated but possible there is a really helpful site called EDEN Community.www.eden-community.com
That has lots of information for those looking in alternative paths to parenthood.
It is illegal to 'pay' for surrogacy in NZ but all medical costs and other reasonable costs are ok. I am personally glad it a complicated topic as I too would be worried about the commercialisation of surrogacy in anyway.
Posted 08 November 2012 - 05:08 PM
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