Sarah is a freelance writer and one of Australia's best known parenting bloggers.In her everyday ...
Conception
Conception Blog
Sarah
27
Oct
When he's infertile
I remember when we first started trying to start a family one of the many niggling worries at the back of my mind was: “What if I’m infertile and “What if I can’t fall pregnant?’ After several months of trying, to no avail, I then started to wonder “What if it’s not me with the problem? What if it’s my husband?”
Fortunately testing showed my fertility issues were pretty simple and required only a moderate amount of help to resolve. So the question of my husband needing to be tested didn’t arise.
I know though for various friends though that it has. One of my girlfriends has this problem and her partner refuses to be tested at all. She’s had every fertility test there is, but he refuses to get involved. His philosophy is: “if it happens, it happens.”
Three years later they are still waiting for the positive pregnancy test.
I asked my friend if she resented her partner for not getting tested and her answer was really interesting. She said she was really frustrated about the whole thing but she didn’t want to push him. Otherwise she might lose him. And then she wouldn’t have him, or the hope of a baby one day.
In the meantime she was doing everything she could to boost his sperm count. She made sure he had cooked eggs for breakfast each day and lived on a sea of organic foods as well. He might think she was just being super caring, but her motives were a bit deeper than that.
It’s such a tough one.
The stats show that 40 percent of couples who use IVF do so because the fertility issue lies with the male, and of those 40% of those fertility issues don’t have a clear cause.
I think it is much harder for men than women in some ways when it comes to infertility issues. Women have access to forums, support and advice and it helps reduce the isolation they feel. I can’t imagine my girlfriend’s partner ever discussing his potential “low motility” with his friends. I wish though, that for her sake, that he could.
Maybe they’d have a baby by now.
Did you have to broach this question with your partner about them getting tested for male infertility? How did it go?
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3 Member comments Post a reply
It's hard enough when you discover you might have trouble conceiving. But what do you do when it's him, not you? Sarah looks at the issue of male infertility
Read the full blog post: When he's infertile
Posted 28 October 2010 - 02:03 AM
My husband and I tried conceiving naturally for nearly 2 years with no success so off we went to the dr who suggested that as a d&c would be the most likely course of action for any problem I might have, that hubby get tested first. This made perfect sense to both of us so off we went with our little cup for his, ahem, deposit. When he went back for the results a week later I had a phone call at work, "honey can you come home, I have no sperm". It was devastating. A follow up test a week later confirmed azoospermia, a complete lack of sperm. The hardest thing I think was that we were both in our early 20's, to us, this stuff only happened to "older" couples. We both still wanted a family so we started looking into adoption and donor insemination within weeks of the diagnosis. In the end our gyno referred us to the fertility clinic at the Royal Hospital for Women in Sydney who matched us with an anonymous donor based on hubby's characteristics. We fell pregnant really quickly and delivered a healthy baby boy who looks just like his Daddy! We are now just days away from welcoming his little brother into the world thanks to the same generous stranger. As hard as those first few weeks were after we found out, it doesn't even cross our minds now. Hubby has even gone do far as giving his medical history as part of our sons peadiatric appointments and I have to remind him that it's not relevant!
Posted 01 November 2010 - 01:28 AM
My husband and I were actively TTC two years ago and when nothing happened I dutifully went to the doctor and had all the blood tests, which came back fine. When nothing still happened I mentioned the idea of husband getting tested, then left it alone. He finally went to get tested earlier this year, the result being that he has low motility. The doctor said it shouldn't be a problem, however what gets me is that in all my internet searching I can't find anyone who has gotten pregnant naturally with low motility sperm. I would love to hear from anyone who has gotten pregnant naturally.
Posted 27 November 2010 - 12:51 AM
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