I have a 4 month old beautiful little boy Embry, my husband and I are totally head over heels, we live and breathe this little boy and never stop talking about him.. But that's the problem we spend 100% of our time being with talking about Embry and when he goes down in his cot at night we struggle to keep a conversation going! I find myself wondering how and what we always spoke about before.
We barely ever argue infact the last big fight we had wasneely over a year ago, but we seem to bicker over silly things I find myself getting stressed about things I've never cared about and can't help snapping at little things. It seems while Embry is awake were the happiest family ever but as soon as he's asleep it's almost awkward!
I know it's only been a couple of months and don't expect things to go back to normal but I was wondering if you ladies could help me out with some tips/tricks to re kindle our marriage a little!

Do either of you have interests away from the family? That way you can have some different to talk about when you are together. Try thinking back to when you first got together what did you do for fun what were your common interests? Good luck with things.

Hi Sam,

The introduction of a little one, does change the dynamic of your relationship, you now are mum and dad as well as husband and wife.
Finding where you both fit in your new roles will take some time.

You need to make a special night once a week that is "date night" whee you spend some quality time together just one on one... get a movie out, bottle of wine, popcorn, snuggle on couch...

Lottie

heres a little game I play with hubby as we went through this ourselves due to personal stuff happening
.. the game goes.. name 3 good things that happend to you today.. BUT add rules .like since we always talk about the baby must be something aside from baby .. like got 50 bucks as a bonus.. random dumb things liek. had the best dinner etc.. you would be surprised how well this works and leads to other conversation

Hi Sam,

The introduction of a little one, does change the dynamic of your relationship, you now are mum and dad as well as husband and wife.
Finding where you both fit in your new roles will take some time.

You need to make a special night once a week that is "date night" whee you spend some quality time together just one on one... get a movie out, bottle of wine, popcorn, snuggle on couch...

Lottie

I totally agree with the above... Make time for yourselves! It is hard. My DP and I were massive party animals before DS came along. Not that we do that anymore anyway, but we do try to go out for lunch, dinner or movie just the 2 of us at least once a month. You need to. Its healthy to still have a social life!
smile

DF and I have been together nearly 7yrs, when we had DS it changed us for sure. Especially in the newborn times when you are sleep deprived and cranky, it can be hard to not snap. As for talking about your baby, I think we still talk about DS for most of our conversations lol. I don't think you should feel like it's wrong to only talk about your baby, he is the most important thing in both your lives right now. Everything else would seem rather insignificant in comparison. As time goes on you will get back to normality alot more, don't put pressure on yourself to have the perfect relationship. Don't worry about the silence, it can be comforting to sit in silence with the one you love and bask in the fact that your new baby is sleeping quietly smile

I can totally relate to you.

I have really struggled with having a baby and was a bit jealous of him going to work, he was jealous of me staying at home - I would end up offended and tearful over nothing and he would go all quiet or go out to the garage cos he didn't want to upset me. We would often go to bed and not even kiss goodnight - that upset me a lot, he was too tired and I would get in a bad mood and think that it was because of my fatter body. It was all just miscommunication. Lack of sleep certainly didn't help either.

Anyway that's a little bit of a novel sorry it doesn't exactly answer your question but what helped was we sat down and decided this year we were going to make a effort to be closer to each other, even if it's just texting during the day or a back rub at night time. And it has honestly worked wonders, also we have moved baby out of bedroom and instead of going to bed to sleep we cuddle and talk. We do talk a lot about the baby because lets face it - babys are just so wonderful wink But we also discuss our days and whats planned for the weekend etc.

I hear you! We went from telling each other we love each other everyday, and then dd1 was born and i didnt hear it for months. Admittedly i didnt say it to him, until i was so sick of not hearing it laugh

I dont know if i can offer advice. Everything kind of just went back to 'normal' (as normal as it can once we had a new little person living with us!) by itself. There were days where i resented him, i realised all those quirks i used to love about him were just downright annoying for a long time...in fact, some days they still are <img src='http://www.huggies.com.au/forum/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/dry.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='<_<' /> but once we were able to share an inside joke again, and casually grabs each others bums and all that couple stuff we were fine.

DP and I have gone through these problems of no affection or attention or time for each other on and off for the 2 years since DS was born. Last week we sat down and had a big discussion about everything and let all our feelings out and our relationship has been great since. We have been much more intimate and talk a lot more not just about DS and we just make an effort with each other no matter how tired we are. It's really difficult and has been much more difficult then I ever thought it would be but I'm glad we are finally at a good place. Good luck I hope you can find your relationship mojo again soon smile

Wow thank you for all the replies it's always nice to hear people have been through the same things!
We sat down and had a big talk last night when DS went to sleep, it certainly feels a lot better just chatting about things we want to change or keep doing.
Thank you again ^.^

We have been through it too honi! As a stay at home mum for 6 years I now feel like I have nothing important to talk about, not only to hubby, but out on social occasions too. When we go to weddings, catch up with friends etc I feel like I have "lost my brain" or something and when people say "so what have you been up too???" "umm..nothing much just being with the kids etc". Friends (like hubby) like to hear a little about the kids, but its like everything i guess, people dont want to hear too much about one topic!

I actually got given a little game called "the art of conversation". It is great for me and hubby and after drinks with friends! I know shops like granny mays etc have similar games too, called converstaion starters. It is a game of asking each other strange and obscure questions to get to know people. Even after 10 with hubby I have learnt new and strange facts about him and even about myself. It was great to play over christmas with the extended family too!

Wow thank you for all the replies it's always nice to hear people have been through the same things!
We sat down and had a big talk last night when DS went to sleep, it certainly feels a lot better just chatting about things we want to change or keep doing.
Thank you again ^.^

Most welcome hun, relationships need a bit of work every now and then otherwise you tend to drift apart. I seemed to lose my confidence since DD was born so this year I'm focusing on losing that extra flab - that really helps our relationship if I'm working on how I look. Too often I would slob around in pj's all day and really it wasn't a big turn on for DH to come home and the house was a mess and I would feel in a mess, Now I keep the house and myself up to date and also we sit up to the table for dinner and we actually talk instead of watching TV