hello , DD is now four months old. She crys for usually 5 or 10 minutes when going to bed...I keep picking her up and putting her down and when I do put her down she is slightly awake....we DONT ROCK HER , Walk her around or anything like that she is a good sleeper once asleep and usually does not take that long....sometimes only a couple of minutes.

Well at sleep school today they said to just let her cry ....unless she is screaming.....we did this today and ofcourse didnt work..we had to pick her up because thats what she is used to. We usualy settle her in our arms for a few minutes once she stopped crying put her down eyes awake and she will settle.
when we got home today took 45 mintues of extreme crying...Very unusual...I hated it...the lady said to just start tomorrow fresh because she has had a big day today.
I wouldlike to know has anyone else BEEN TO SLEEP SCHOOL ?
how long did it take to change your baby?
how long do you let your baby cry for ?
The lady said it could take her 30 to one hour before she self settles.
The lady said she will cry loud then break for a bit then cry slightly less loud then longer break....this continues and so on so on she is sleep......
The lady said it will take a while to change her
eventualy we will be able to walk out of room she will cry and then go to sleep.

I would like to know who does this with there baby? we watched a video today and it shows new born babies crying them selves to sleep.
I dont know It just does not feel right to me letting her cry for ages.
what works for you?
has anyone been to sleep school and found them selves in a similar situation?
I am scared to change things but I know I need to because in the day she only sleeps 45 minutes and is over tired as the day goes on because some days she only has 3 x 45 minutes naps..sleeps allnight but which is good but usually we have grumpy baby all day because overtired....
they told me today any sleep under one hour is not enough I should help her go back to sleep by settling her and putting her back in her cot.
Guess I am scared to change things what if she feels like I dont love her and dosnt respond to me when I do go...in ....becuase she feels abandon.

Firstly, if it doesn't feel right for you, your bub will pick up on that and it won't help either of you! Teaching your baby to self settle can be hard enough without emotional guilt attached!

l went to sleep school with DS1. It was 5 years ago so things may have changed, however l have used this technique on all my kids from the age of 6 months - that's when they (Tweddle) recommends commencing this technique.

* Have good sleep time routine, ie, milk, cuddle and put to bed awake
* When crying starts, wait 2 minutes, then go in, no eye contact, shushing and gentle, rhythmic pats on the bum for 30secs then leave the room.
* When/if crying starts again, wait 4 minutes and repeat process.
* Continue this, each time waiting longer - 2 mins, 4, 6, 8, 10, 10 & 10mins.
* Really listen to bubs cry. If you do hear her slowing down with more pauses between each loud cry, leave it a bit longer before you go in.
* During the day, you try to settle for one hour max, if no success, get bub up and start again after tired signs, with no reprimand for not going to sleep.
* At night, keep going but you can change up the times a little to 'surprise' bub!
* If bub wakes during the day after only one sleep cycle eg. 45mins, try the resettling process for 30 mins only eg. 2min, 4, 6, 8 & 10mins. If no luck, get her up.

l hope this makes some sense. Even though it is for 6months plus, l found this technique great because it has structure without leaving your bub to cry for too long. Tweddle also made comment that if bub is distressed crying, you go in, pick them up and soothe them until they are calm again.

And it took us a good, solid 3 - 4 days for DS to figure out we were serious and things had better change for the better! We haven't looked back.

PS. Sorry about the essay!

I would be avoiding any school that advocates letting 4 month olds cry themselves to sleep. sad

I totally agree with you in that they shouldn't be left to cry.

I don't understand the advice they have given you in that you need to resettle her and then put her back to bed - but also you need to let her cry herself to sleep.

In regards to how she sleeps in the day..... are you actively trying to make her go to sleep? Sometimes I find that parents are so stressed about making sure they sleep, they spend hours a day trying to make them go to bed when they aren't ready and they refuse to use anything that could be perceived as a comfort association such as feeding to sleep, rocking, cuddling etc.

Babies - especially young ones like yours sometimes just need mum or dad. They feel safe and secure when with them. She might be sleeping all night because she is totally knackered from not sleeping in the day. You could try having her in a sling (like a ring sling), having cuddles, laying on the bed together for a snuggly feed then pop her down wherever she sleeps.
Basically, she is biologically programmed to be with you. Not being with you is very unsettling for them. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and breathe. You can comfort them to sleep. You won't need to do it when they are 20. Don't stress about creating bad habits. Nurturing your baby emotionally and physically is NEVER a bad thing - especially when they are a bit all over the place when tired. Being tired is hard to deal with when your a baby! Self settling is great, but it comes with age. People are in a rush to "teach" their baby to do it, but it happens naturally when they are ready. In the meantime people are missing out on some beautiful peaceful moments with their babies.
I hope you find a way soon.
xxx

There is no possible way under any circumstance would I let a 4 month old baby cry it out. I cannot believe someone at a sleep school gave you this advice blink

Babies need cuddles, they need love, they need to be held and rocked and patted.

As far as I am aware controlled crying isn't even recommended before 6 months anyway.

Your baby is still tiny, if she needs rocking to sleep the best thing you can do is rock her! Once she gets a bit bigger it will be easier to form a better routine but right now I wouldn't do the controlled crying, 45 mins of her screaming and crying would have been scary for the poor darling... Perhaps try moving her nap times back a bit or try other ways to resettle her when she wakes up after a 45min nap smile

Good luck!

I took DD to Plunket Family Centre for help with sleeping when she was 13 weeks. (This is similar to a sleep school.)

We went because she NEVER slept if she wasn't being held. It didn't matter how much rocking, patting, etc went on, she might fall asleep but she would wake as soon as it stopped. If she fell asleep in my arms then she would wake up as soon as I put her down. So basically, I was surviving on maybe 2 hours sleep each night, and I was having to spend literally every single minute of the day holding her.

Anyway, Plunket advocated letting her cry it out. I didn't really like the idea of it, but I decided to go along with it for just that one day, while we were there. I figured I could just not do it the next day when we got home.

But you know what? It took only ONE DAY of letting her cry it out and suddenly all of our problems were solved. The next day at home, I went to put her down for her sleep as instructed, and there was no crying at all. It was like she never understood before that she was supposed to go to sleep when she was put down in her cot, but the day at Plunket had taught her what to do and she suddenly got it.

So, whilst I hadn't been a fan of the idea of crying it out, I don't think that one day of using it will have had any lasting repercussions. You might not be able to get there in one day, but they seemed to think that most people would be able to do it in two to three days.

That said, I have never left her to cry it out during the night - this is for daytime sleeps only. I can't get over people who post things on here like "my six week old doesn't sleep through the night", I'm just like, um, it's not supposed to yet. DD had probably only slept right through the night a handful of times by her second birthday.

wowo thanks all so much.
I am so confused and not sure which way to go.
the sleep clinic is run by the qld government
DD only sleeps one cycle in the day most days so she is overtired.
They said they have done studies on this sleep technique the government recommends it.
the tweedle technique sounds very similar but they dont recommend waiting minutes they just say as long as I can handle it.
as long as she is not screaming
I still have not made a decision yet sounds like both ways work for different bubs. smile
thanks for all the novels
I love reading all your advise and support thank you so much smile smile

I just wanted to add, my son as a young baby never slept more than the 40min cycle, mostly it was 3 x 30min naps per day and you could almost time it to the second. I was so stressed out about people telling me that babies have to have a longer sleep, nothing I did seemed to make any difference.

As he got older and more active, maybe around 8 mths old, he dropped to 2 x day sleeps which were about 1.5- 2 hours each. I couldnt believe it - I was so excited!!

So I guess my point is, if your bub sleeps well at night and settles fairly well on her own, I would leave things be for the moment. There is time later to start to settle her in her own bed, most experts recommend that self settling is for babies over 6months anyway.

Jazool
thanks for that , i really feel like leaving things the way they are but
this morning it took one hour for her to go to sleep.
she screamed and I was holding her the whole time.
she like gasps for air and gets so worked up I hate it.
I dont know what to do.I cant leave things the way they are she is allways a handfull at night to get to sleep hours....
and sometimes in the day too.
She only ever sleeps for 45 minutes in the morning but this morning she is still asleep!!! so she wontbe cranky forthe rest of the day
I throught she needed entertaining and thats why she was grzzy....but turns out she was rubbing her eyes and was tired

It's good to hear you are not alone in this too! And things will get easier!

Maybe choose one method you feel might work, but be willing to try it for a good three days. l learnt with DS1 that if you changed things too often, it would back-fire.

Also, my DS1 slept through the night very early on, only because he was cat-napping through the day and exhausted. l would have let him cat nap if he was a happy baby, but he seemed to be cranky with the world most of the time, meaning he was over-tired, which sounds similar to your DD.

well today's update
dd had one and half hours this morning .she never has this only 45 min.and then she had an hour and half at lunch
she has done well. she cryed for 9 minutes not bellowing just crying..
I went into her picked her up held her for 1 minute put her back down walked out closed the door and she fell asleep for another hour and half.
Ihave decided to let her set her own routine with in reason.
thanks for all your help
I know there could be a long road ahead as she usualy cryes for a long time when its bed time. but things are going to change.

another update DD went to sleep this afternoon with no crying I just shut the door and walked out
OMG I hope it stays this easy , and dd has waited 3 and half hours between feeds!!! first time ever as breast feed.
look like this new settling technique is working and she is much happier!!

so glad to hear, fingers crossed things stay smooth for you now smile

cheers
she is setting the pace now sleeping for however long she wants and feeding every three or four hours.
she was sleeping through the night before but last night she work at nine pm and 4.15 AM.. i would rather get less sleep and have a happy baby then following the baby schedule we on, we did the schedule for four months and is great if you want to sleep through the night but if you want to meet your babies needs and let them set the pace I do expect to be waken through the night

only day one will see what the rest of the week brings
dam she is so happy now not tired and a different baby!!!
Thanks to Sleep School run by the QLD Government!!