Hi.

DD is nearly 16 motnhs and with a baby one the way I WANT THE CO-SLEEPING TO END!!!!

I never wanted to co-sleep but have done as a compromise for DH. But now I am thoroughly over it. DD has not slept in her cot on her own at night or in her cot during the day since she was abot 8 or 9 months old. During the day she falls asleep on me and I move her onto her little fold out couch. I cant do anything while she is asleep because she is in the lounge room.

So, Once we have tried putting her in her cot and patting her to sleep which we were then going to move to sitting by the cot then slowly move away. This did not work and I hated constantly laying her down and holding her down, plus she would reach for me and scream "mum mum mum!!" it was heart shattering.

So I want to lay her down with her bottle then when she is done, give her foofy (thats her rabbit) and dummy and say goodnight and walk out. I want to stay out of the room for 3,6,9 mins IF she cries.

Anyone tried this?
Anyone have any better ideas?
Anyone had an experience with ending co-sleeping?

*I can't bend over the cot and I am quiet short and reaching down I have to stand on tippy toe, so it's no good on my back. Plus being pregnant I don't think it's a great idea to put myself in such a position for so long.

oh hun, it must be so exhausting for you.

not sure if this advice will work,but i will tell you what we did when transitioning our daughter from cot to toddler bed.

we started her whole night routine with bottle, cleaning teeth then story. after the story, we would sing a special goodnight song and stroke her forehead. i would then turn out the lights and say "mummy is going to sit by your bed" the first couple of nights i sat there - no conversation whats so ever, with a hand on her back. when i could see her drifting off to sleep, i would pull my hand away and creep out slowing. over the next couple of nights, i would stop putting hand on back and just sit by her bed, as each night went by, i would sit closer and closer to the door, eventually after a week and a half, i didn't need to be in the room anymore, and just said "goodnight"

hopefully this helps. i did have to reassure my daughter that mummy and daddy were not going anywhere, and will be back in the morning
good luck smile

My DH and I used a method for my DS- it was instigated by my DH because he was sick of not being able to put DS to bed at night and was sick of having to wait for me to do it.

We did a drink, teeth and then together we put him in his cot said goodnight and then turned around so we were facing away from him and far enough away that he could not reach for us. We stood in silence until it was obvious that he was upright and then one of us would turn and gently put him back into to blankets, without saying anything and then turn again. We took turns doing this. The first couple of nights took a while but because we were in the room with him he did not get distressed just a bit angry at us. If you do it together then you are showing that you both have the same expectation.

We did this for about 5 days and then we were able to take turns each night sitting close to the cot and then to the doorway and finally after about 10 days we could put him in bed and he knew that we were there when he needed us and would drift off to sleep.

Thanks for those replies.
Im thinking I wont b able to put dd in a toddler bed until her sleep is sorted because she will just climb out and probably destroy her room or come into ours during the night.
I also have trouble with the lay down approach as she wil get up literally the second you lay her back down.

I WISH your suggestions would work, but I've tried them and I felt nasty laying her back down over and over again because I thought she would get dizzy etc and it didn't look nice at all. If she would just lay down still for a while it would be ok but to get that jd practically have to tie her to the bed.

we haven't co sleeped to the extent you have but sometimes when DS gets unsettled we will lie him down then I would sit on the floor next to his head with one hand on his back and the other on his head - this would stop him standing up - then use the technique mentioned in the PP.
Also if I was you I would probably work on day naps in cot then once that is sorted start on the nights, just so its not a big upheaval all at once.

Noddy do you want to do this together?? My DS3 is only settled if he's in our bed too!

we have tried putting him in his bed and walking away leaving for a few minutes then laying him back down again but he just get's worse!

So we tried staying there just out of arm's reach but he screamed more as and got more upset as he knew I was there, we don't want him to get to upset and scream and it's not good for our older two as he keeps them awake!

I have also tried sitting with him and patting, it worked as far as him not getting upset while I was there but as soon as I walk out he starts crying or he only sleeps for an hour then we have to do it all over again and again and again and I don't get any sleep!

last night was a bad one he wouldn't settle for me at all so I tried laying on my bed with him and he just kept screaming if I tried to hold him he kept getting down and in the end I let him scream on the floor until he was so tired he let me pick him up once he was asleep I tried to put him in his bed but then he was wide awake again and we went through it all over again so in the end I left him in my bed!!!

Sorry for the novel but it's doing my head in GGGrrrrr

Noddy do you want to do this together?? My DS3 is only settled if he's in our bed too!

we have tried putting him in his bed and walking away leaving for a few minutes then laying him back down again but he just get's worse!

So we tried staying there just out of arm's reach but he screamed more as and got more upset as he knew I was there, we don't want him to get to upset and scream and it's not good for our older two as he keeps them awake!

I have also tried sitting with him and patting, it worked as far as him not getting upset while I was there but as soon as I walk out he starts crying or he only sleeps for an hour then we have to do it all over again and again and again and I don't get any sleep!

last night was a bad one he wouldn't settle for me at all so I tried laying on my bed with him and he just kept screaming if I tried to hold him he kept getting down and in the end I let him scream on the floor until he was so tired he let me pick him up once he was asleep I tried to put him in his bed but then he was wide awake again and we went through it all over again so in the end I left him in my bed!!!

Sorry for the novel but it's doing my head in GGGrrrrr

I know EXACTLY how you feel!

Dd WILL NOT lay down and its cruel to keep putting her down or hold her down.

What you described is why I've decided that next weekend (the 18th) we are going to give her her bottle in the cot when shes done I will give her her rabbit and dummy say good night and close the door. I will go back in after three minutes crying, so if she doesn't cry or call out I wont go in. After three minutes ill go in and settle her then leave and shut the door again this time six minutes and so on.

My dh can't stand her crying which is how we ended up like this to start with. Currently her cit is missing one side and wedged between our bed and the wall because that way we can still sleep in the same bed every now and then.

I've told dh that if he can't Handel it then he can go stay some where else for the evening.

So if you wanna try this the same weekend as me we can chat about it as we go if you like?

we haven't co sleeped to the extent you have but sometimes when DS gets unsettled we will lie him down then I would sit on the floor next to his head with one hand on his back and the other on his head - this would stop him standing up - then use the technique mentioned in the PP.
Also if I was you I would probably work on day naps in cot then once that is sorted start on the nights, just so its not a big upheaval all at once.

Atm dds cot is missing one side and is wedged between our bed and the wall. So its like an extension of our bed. So I would have to move our bed to get the cot out then lower the base and put the side back on and then put it in her room every day for her sleep. Lol. Not too easy.

I totally understand! My DS is 2.5 and i have only just got him going to bed in is own bed. But i have to sit beside the bed until he goes to sleep and it drives me bonkers....but i figure its a step.

He usually wakes up in the early morning (5-6am ish) and comes into my bed, which i don't mind because even at sleep school they said it was ok to have cuddle time in the morning. But sometimes its even midnight and i don't really notice him hop in because I'm so tired.

I never coped with the tough love kind of approach. I do sort of do it with my daughter but its been easier with her since I've done it from the beginning and pretty much just cant rush to her every peep so she's learnt better foundations although she drives me crazy sometimes too....

Sorry not really any helpful advice here. Just wanted to let you know your not alone

I know EXACTLY how you feel!

Dd WILL NOT lay down and its cruel to keep putting her down or hold her down.

What you described is why I've decided that next weekend (the 18th) we are going to give her her bottle in the cot when shes done I will give her her rabbit and dummy say good night and close the door. I will go back in after three minutes crying, so if she doesn't cry or call out I wont go in. After three minutes ill go in and settle her then leave and shut the door again this time six minutes and so on.

My dh can't stand her crying which is how we ended up like this to start with. Currently her cit is missing one side and wedged between our bed and the wall because that way we can still sleep in the same bed every now and then.

I've told dh that if he can't Handel it then he can go stay some where else for the evening.

So if you wanna try this the same weekend as me we can chat about it as we go if you like?

My DH is the same!!!!! I work 2-3 nights a week so Im worried Ill put the hard work in and then he will give in while Im at work!

I thought about putting the cot next to my bed but wasn't sure if that would make it worse or not so I'll give it another go in his room and if it doesn't work then I'll be moving the cot!

I'm thinking I'll start tomorrow night as It's a long weekend here so I will have 6 nights off!

by the way my DS is good with day sleeps so It may be a bit easier for me but I'll keep you posted!

Keep your fingers crossed for me please

My DH is the same!!!!! I work 2-3 nights a week so Im worried Ill put the hard work in and then he will give in while Im at work!

I thought about putting the cot next to my bed but wasn't sure if that would make it worse or not so I'll give it another go in his room and if it doesn't work then I'll be moving the cot!

I'm thinking I'll start tomorrow night as It's a long weekend here so I will have 6 nights off!

by the way my DS is good with day sleeps so It may be a bit easier for me but I'll keep you posted!

Keep your fingers crossed for me please

Crossing my fingers AND toes for you!!!

For me moving the cot into our bed was a compromise so dh and I could sleep in the same bed. But its only meant shes co slept longer

I agree with pp, start with day time sleeps then move on. DS was a mjor co sleeper, until he was about 10 months, we changed his cot to a cot bed (iykwim, it was a thomas the tank engine shaped bed) i layed in it with him, it was a bit squishy but he felt safe i was with him. then once he was asleep i snuck out, after awhile i did it to night time sleeps.

he still comes into our bed at about 5am for an hour or two.

Good luck, i hope what ever way you decide it works

Just wanted to update you on how we are going!

night 1:
I put him to bed kisses good night and left the room he was quiet for 5mins then got upset, I went back in tucked him back in said good night and left this went on for an hour, each time I left it a little longer and he just got worse, I couldn't stand it and my other two boys couldn't get to sleep!
so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle until he calmed down then put him back in and he screamed again sad in the end he started to fall asleep in my arms so I put him back into bed and he went to sleep! it only lasted till midnight then we did it all over again!

Night 2:
was a repeat of the first night only worse after about 2 hours it was 10pm and we could't take it any more so DH sat on the couch with him until he started to fall asleep then put him to bed again it only lasted until midnight!

Night 3:
I tried to put him down for his day sleep and he started screaming and refussed to get in the cot I put him in walked away and after 5mins of crying he fell asleep fast forward to the night I got called into work and got home after 10pm to DH and DS asleep on the couch sad he said I couldn't get him in his bed at all!

It's just not working for us at all he was really good at day sleeps now he hates his cot and has got really clingy towards me and he cries to be picked up all day and I cant even leave a room without him crying!!

I wish we didn't start this it's so much worse now sad
I hope this hasn't turned you off trying good luck xxxx

Just wanted to update you on how we are going!

night 1:
I put him to bed kisses good night and left the room he was quiet for 5mins then got upset, I went back in tucked him back in said good night and left this went on for an hour, each time I left it a little longer and he just got worse, I couldn't stand it and my other two boys couldn't get to sleep!
so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle until he calmed down then put him back in and he screamed again sad in the end he started to fall asleep in my arms so I put him back into bed and he went to sleep! it only lasted till midnight then we did it all over again!

Night 2:
was a repeat of the first night only worse after about 2 hours it was 10pm and we could't take it any more so DH sat on the couch with him until he started to fall asleep then put him to bed again it only lasted until midnight!

Night 3:
I tried to put him down for his day sleep and he started screaming and refussed to get in the cot I put him in walked away and after 5mins of crying he fell asleep fast forward to the night I got called into work and got home after 10pm to DH and DS asleep on the couch sad he said I couldn't get him in his bed at all!

It's just not working for us at all he was really good at day sleeps now he hates his cot and has got really clingy towards me and he cries to be picked up all day and I cant even leave a room without him crying!!

I wish we didn't start this it's so much worse now sad
I hope this hasn't turned you off trying good luck xxxx

Thanks for the update.

Im gonna try it this weekend. I might cal ngala (perth sleep school) and see what they say first.

Hope your ds settles down soon.