Why does parenting have to be a competition? | Page 1 | Baby

Berkmac
ACT, Australia
Total posts: 103

Today I went to mums group and there was a new mum there with an 11 week old. I know when some people first have a baby and start to learn new stuff they feel like a bit of an expert. That's cool, I totally get it. But this girl first tells me my baby looks small for her age but don't worry 'there's probably nothing wrong with her'. Then when I mentioned to another mum that my girl's sleeping was getting better, this new mum says to me 'oh my baby is sleeping through the night already. Are you feeding your bub enough? You probably need a routine' and on and on. Considering I had been talking about what a great job my girl has been doing, I found her comments really inappropriate.

Then another mum says to me 'your baby's not rollng yet?' out of nowhere. Bubba was lying on the ground playing with a toy so I'm not sure what gave the mum the impression that she wasn't rolling yet. So odd and soooo annoying how it's phrased negatively ('she's not...' Rather than is she...').

It really gets my goat when mums make parenting a competition. It's hard enough some days just being a mum and I'd like to see mums supporting one another rather than digging at someone's confidence.

So, to any mums reading this - you're doing a great job! I love this forum because everyone is so supportive, it helps when I'm having a bad day smile

Possum & Joey
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 1713

Well said.

That's why i've put off going to my local mother's groups, as a single parant and first time mum it's hard enough doubting yourself sometimes and than to go and have thing's said to your face that makes it worse. angry angry angry

My DD is 5 month's and i would love to socialise her with other baby's but like you said, i'll probably get a heap of negative coments, Oh your single, oh your baby isn't rolling over, your baby isn't sitting by herself yet.

And right back at you, your doing a great job. grin grin grin

SarahS82
Australia
Total posts: 1

I had my first group last week and was really worried about the judgmental parents as I had heard some bad things from friends, but some friends also told me about the great friends they made in the group. The group has been good so far with no nastiness as yet! Is there an option to try another group in your area? I hate when I read parents being so competitive as we are all going through the same learning curve!

Gsxrness
QLD, Australia
Total posts: 518

so true
us mums should be sticking together , really who cares when bubs walks crawls eats lol
they will do it when there god dam ready!

I have a girlfriend who has a 5 year old and I didnt ask her when her bubs walked lol
but for some reason in mothers groups it is a comparison I do totally agree!

MWD
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 2552

I don't have a mother's group either just because of this!

I wouldn't say I am an overly emotional person BUT I do wear my heart on my sleeve, take pretty much everything people say to heart and I most definitely read way too far into things lol.

So I would just rather not have to put myself and DD in that sort of situation where I begin to second guess myself and start to doubt my parenting skills. Besides Huggies mums are are much more lovely wub

Gsxrness
QLD, Australia
Total posts: 518

mywinterdaisy wrote:
I don't have a mother's group either just because of this!

I wouldn't say I am an overly emotional person BUT I do wear my heart on my sleeve, take pretty much everything people say to heart and I most definitely read way too far into things lol.

So I would just rather not have to put myself and DD in that sort of situation where I begin to second guess myself and start to doubt my parenting skills. Besides Huggies mums are are much more lovely wub

haha lovelly ....you sound like me similar personality, its hard being out there for people to judge ....I just try and dodge those people that are nasty bit tricky sometimes!!

*misskel*
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 1927

Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??

MWD
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 2552

misskel79 wrote:
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??

We're in the north eastern suburbs misskel smile and yes Gsxrness they are all too often very hard to avoid lol!

*misskel*
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 1927

mywinterdaisy wrote:
misskel79 wrote:
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??
We're in the north eastern suburbs misskel smile and yes Gsxrness they are all too often very hard to avoid lol!

Hmmm, not exactly around the corner, hey...?!!!

Skubala
Australia
Total posts: 2826

I think people start comparing because a) they want to know they are doing a good job and b) they want to know that their baby is normal. Doesn't make it ok to be a judgemental know it all though. I agree, we need to support each other and not comment on another mother's baby or situation.

TallulahBelle
NSW, Australia
Total posts: 2955

Argh don't you hate the experts?! Lol I can't stand competing- especially when it comes to my kids!!! What a pointless excercise... I go to mg- have been in the same group for two years and count the girls as great friends. Occasionally I have felt one or two comparing/competing with me/my kids and I just change the subject. I'm just not interested!

Hope she pulls her head in x

MWD
VIC, Australia
Total posts: 2552

misskel79 wrote:
mywinterdaisy wrote:
misskel79 wrote:
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??
We're in the north eastern suburbs misskel smile and yes Gsxrness they are all too often very hard to avoid lol!

Hmmm, not exactly around the corner, hey...?!!!

Nope lol, it's a mightly long bus ride for us with the one car hahaha.