hey there,

Im a young single mum of an adorable 6month old and am worried about letting her see her dad.
i have been to a lawyer and it was me who instigated a parenting order.
I want ava to have her dad in her life but he is a bit of a loser (not a proud time in my life!) and im uncomfortable with him having her without me.
i have asked for him to agree to having ava only at his mothers house and only when his mother is present but he is not the type to honour an agreement, and i do not want him draggiong her around to either his fathers house, or the house he lives in with his new partner, as all of them are untrustworthy and are known to smoke methamphetamine (I never Have!!) and his mother is not the type to stop him from doing so. i dont really want to drag all of this up in court and turn everything into a big mess but am uncomfortable with having to take him at his word. i am also 17 weeks pregnant with a child he wants nothing to do with.

I know i couldnt hold my own against hm and his family if it turned into an all out war.
PLEASE HELP!

Hi there.

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through something like this. It sounds very complicated and stressful sad So not what you need when you are pregnant with a young one!

I don't actually have any experience with this type of situation but it sounds as though you are going through a professional and I am sure they will advise you of what would be in your best interests and your children of course!

If I was in that situation I really don't think I would even want my ex partner seeing my child if they were a drug user. Knowing my child could possibly be around drugs. I am assuming the baby your pregnant with is your ex's child too? Do you have much contact with him?

If you want to PM me, feel free smile

Good luck hun xo

I think in most cases it is a wonderful thing to want your children to have their father in their lives, and in a perfect world it would be the right thing. I think though there are some cases where it is not appropriate and this sounds like one of them.

If I were you I would find the strength to fight for sole custody, though somebody self involved and drug dependent will probably not put up as much as a fight as you may think. A bit too much like hard work, especially if he doesn't seem interested in the second child.

As to his family, it's a hard one but if they are not going to respect your wishes for supervised visits then for your childrens sake you shouldn't risk it. He may drive under the influence of a narcotic or simply not be alert enough in the home setting. Accidents happen even when we are sober, being under the influence of any drug is just increasing those risks. Not to mention that she will grow up thinking that kind of behaviour is normal.

There is a possibility things could change in the future, you never know he could grow up, stranger things have happened, so you could still keep some lines of communication open.

Anyway, goodluck you have some very hard decisions to make and I don't envy you for it. Just follow your insticts on this one and think of whats best for your children.

Do you truely want someone who smokes meth to have access to your children?
You need to think this one through a bit better. Why push him to have access? Let it rest.

I do not think it is as important for a child to have regular contact with their dad as you seem to think.

Better no dad than a bad one I think.

Your kids will always have you, and they will know that you love them.

i have been in this situation. dd's father is a druggy loser, i left him when she was 3 months old and like u didnt want to cut him off , so like u let her have her at him mums only, neither of them can be trusted, she would come back dirty and starving and i stopped these visits. i moved away and cut off contact and i didnt actually hear from hi again, he didnt really care enough to fight for her anyway. i would do the same again if i had to.

wake up , she doesn't need losers in her life. surround her with good role models, she doesn't need to be around people who smoke meth, to be perfectly honest why arn't you jumping for joy that he doesn't want access to her...

gosh please protect your daughter from these people and your new baby when it arrives, if he wants to see her he will walk 5km to see her if he really wants to....

my son's father drove 500km one way every second weekend to see him and 500km back again on the sunday to go to work on monday.... there are nice guys out there go find one and get soul custody of your daughter

If it were me and my kids I would not let him anywhere near my kids ever! What happens if he left the stuff lying around within reach? What if he drove a car with the most precious thing in your life in it? I can understand your desire to let the children see their father but have you thought about it from this angle...

A father is a role model for a child, regardless of whether you like it or not. My DS1 idolizes his father and will copy everything he does. Do you want this person to be a role model for your children? I think it is far more important for the child to have a positive male role model - that does not have to be a biological father.

Good luck and keep us posted about what you decide to do. After all really regardless of what we all think, it really is your decision.

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