to stay or to go

hi guys...

k were to start

at the moment in 29wks with ds number two.
both my sons have the same dad but im currently single..... well seemy single.

the story goes something like this

in 09 we had been together for almost 15mnths when i misscarried my first ever pregnancy. huge blow for us both. not long after that found out my darling partner was living a double life an had another gf that hole time as well....

oviously got ride of him when i found out...... then a few months later found out i was pregs with DS number 1.. so contacted him an we got on great as mates for the sake of our unborn son.

after he was born and we were spending more time together we started getting back in2 old habits. he would stay and we would be the perfect lil family while he was there....

when DS was about 8mnths we got back together after he left his gf he was living with for us..... that lasted a hole 3mnths and just as we broke up again i found out i was pregs with DS number two.(great timing i no)

a week after i found out i also found out his ex was also expecting 3mnths before me.

so we still hung out and spent time together and its hard to shake our feelings for each other and i guess its habbit the way we are with each other.

we have tried a few times but always ends up in an argument about something trivial.

the ex has now had her lil girl an is leaning on his family lots as she has no family up here.... he tells me he wants nothing to do with the baby but dnt no what to beleive

im not sure if i miss him or just the company???
do i try and make it work ???
or just cut him out of my life as much as possible ( wont be completely as he gets our son every sunday, hes a great dad)
im completly at my wits end and dont no wear to go from here....
all advice would be greatly appricated

Sorry to be blunt... He will never change. You will be wasting your time hoping that he will. Living a double life? 2 women pregnant at the same time? What will he do next?!!

If I was you I'd be getting well and truly rid of him. Obviously he will need to be in your childrens life, but you should keep it as just that. How many times does he need to screw you around? If you let him get away with it he will keep doing it because from past experience there has been no consequence!

You can do better than this guy and you DESERVE better! You will find someone that actually respects you and your children and wants to be with you and you only!

Sure it will be hard to cut him out at first, but in the long run you will be glad you ended it now...

Best of luck with whatever you decide smile

I think you need to ask yourself do you think you two will ever be able to put aside your differences and settle down properly? If not then you need to cut your losses and get out of there. There is absolutely no point in staying with him if he is never going to change. He can still be in your life as your kids dad but you don't have to be romantically involved.

Hi there. The fact that he said he wants nothing to do with his other child rings alarm bells with me, apart from every other seedy thing he has done. That is still his child, regardless of whether he tells you that its over (yeah, right....). Seriously, these are not healthy habits for you to be in. Walk away. He walked away from you ages ago by the sounds of it.
I'm sorry if I sound blunt, I don't mean to be. But you have to know this stuff already on some level, yeah?
Good luck with it, I hope you find a solution soon. Good luck with your pregnancy too.

Sorry to be blunt... He will never change. You will be wasting your time hoping that he will. Living a double life? 2 women pregnant at the same time? What will he do next?!!

If I was you I'd be getting well and truly rid of him. Obviously he will need to be in your childrens life, but you should keep it as just that. How many times does he need to screw you around? If you let him get away with it he will keep doing it because from past experience there has been no consequence!

You can do better than this guy and you DESERVE better! You will find someone that actually respects you and your children and wants to be with you and you only!

Sure it will be hard to cut him out at first, but in the long run you will be glad you ended it now...

Best of luck with whatever you decide smile

I agree, there's no way I'd want someone like this as a partner, he's not a good person. I say that because of not only what he has done in so far as having two partners - but how on earth can someone not want anything to do with their own child, that is just so wrong.

my ex was the same and it had to end, they never change. the lies never stop. and its not fair on your children to see him come back then move out then come back and move out again. its hard i know but guys like that dont change....and if they do its after a LOT of work. you have to think, do you want to put yourself and your sons through it all?

thank you all

I know i already new all of that but getting outside views just made it hit home even more

i now realise i was just holding on because i was/am scarred of being alone. and its hard to go out meet new people/ potential partners when you have a baby and being pregnant..... at my age all my mates are out drinking so i have issoled my self which wasnt a good move.

But i will just have to get over that fair... my boys are way more important to me they are my life smile

thank you all

I know i already new all of that but getting outside views just made it hit home even more

i now realise i was just holding on because i was/am scarred of being alone. and its hard to go out meet new people/ potential partners when you have a baby and being pregnant..... at my age all my mates are out drinking so i have issoled my self which wasnt a good move.

But i will just have to get over that fair... my boys are way more important to me they are my life smile

I think sometimes its easy to be blindsighted by things, so it is great to get some others advise on the outside!! you sound like an amazing women and mother, you know its ok to be on your own with you children and enjoy life and take time out for yourself!!! maybe even reflect on things and find out what you really in a relationship. To me Men never change and if u think u can change them most of the time you r kidding yourself and can cause more hurt in the long run!!! Guys can b assholes at the best of times lol. I think you desevre alot better!! He may be a great dad, but not a great partner and thats ok. Let him enjoy his time with the kids without making you feel upset or guilty... Mr right will come when you least expect it, you dont always need a Mr right now smile..... also try and go to mums / playgroups n meet other mums, u dont have to b alone, it might b nice for u to make a few new friends just to have a chat, also getting out of the house will do u great... It will get better n u will b more happy and so will your children. Be strong n stand ur ground n dont let anyone walk over u because no one desevers that!!... xx

I think sometimes its easy to be blindsighted by things, so it is great to get some others advise on the outside!! you sound like an amazing women and mother, you know its ok to be on your own with you children and enjoy life and take time out for yourself!!! maybe even reflect on things and find out what you really in a relationship. To me Men never change and if u think u can change them most of the time you r kidding yourself and can cause more hurt in the long run!!! Guys can b assholes at the best of times lol. I think you desevre alot better!! He may be a great dad, but not a great partner and thats ok. Let him enjoy his time with the kids without making you feel upset or guilty... Mr right will come when you least expect it, you dont always need a Mr right now smile..... also try and go to mums / playgroups n meet other mums, u dont have to b alone, it might b nice for u to make a few new friends just to have a chat, also getting out of the house will do u great... It will get better n u will b more happy and so will your children. Be strong n stand ur ground n dont let anyone walk over u because no one desevers that!!... xx

Pretty much sums up what i would say.
good luck with your decisions..

at my age all my mates are out drinking so i have issoled my self which wasnt a good move.

Do you have a mum's group/ playgroup that you're involved in? It's always easier for someone like this to take advantage of you if you're feeling vulnerable and lonely. You need to surround yourself with supportive, understanding and stable people.

sorry haven't read the other replies but I'm going to quote Dr Phil "your missing the man you wished he was not the man he is".
you'll be strong on your own, it kinda sounds like your just wanting the company he gives you not necessarily him IYKWIM.

you guys are right i do need to get out do mothers group or playgroup but really dont have time im working part time and only get two days at home as it is. And love having quality time with my son on alteast one of those days. the only groups i no of are either on days i work or dont fit in around our time table.... sounds like excuses i no will hopefully get in to something once i finish work for good in a few months before DS number 2 arrives