really need help and advice ladies and men plz

our wee girl is fantastic and aside from a few eating and colic issues she is fantastic but my dear husband as much as he loves her and he does and feeds and changes her, he does not do much else
he cannot drive, does not work, does not answer the phone and has social anxiety meaning he cannot speak to other couples in the community so he often hides or goes to sleep when people come to visit or he shakes their hand then leaves, there is only one couple he sits in the same room with but he never talks
when i confront him about not working he cries, as i am supporting him financially and myu baby and am still sick with post partum eclampsia and depression as well as c section recovery so i am driving around dropping in C.Vs and have told him this morning he will have to go back to england if he does not get a job as his visa expires in september, he knows that and said he loves me and would do anything so i said wlel do this and get a job, help out more with the baby not just times u are awake.

i wish i could move around more but i cannot i cant even assemble my babys car seat or pram yet but if he is asleep he wont wake up to help so i have to arrange times to go out with baby for her appointments with doctors and plunket when he is awake, no matter how many times i tell him, confront him and talk to him, he is stubborn and reverts back to his old ways, and cries, he cries alot.
sometimes i feel he puts his love for herbal products above us too, he was always buying kava and stuff like that which is legal i know but he put so much emphasis on how important it was that i was in tears during my second trimester of pregnancy because when he did work temporarily he spent the five hundred dollars all on herbal stuff, and left one hundred to pay for board as we live with our parents, he did apologize and do a bit of housework as he does none unless he is asked

what do i do? my parents think if i give him too many chances i am enabling him to be a son rather than a husband and a man, should i leave?
i am confused and need help but he wont go to counselling for relationship stuff

If you are doubting your relationship and asking for other peoples opinions you already have half of your answer. You need to do what YOU think is best for your baby and yourself. I agree with your parents if you give him to many chances then he will think he can keep getting away with it. Kava or any other herbal product/drug is a waste of time and money which could be put towards much more important things. (But that is just my personal opinion) More importantly you should take care in looking after yourself first before worrying about him. He should understand that considering what your going through.

Did you plan this pregnancy? Was he like this before?

It sounds like DH may be suffering from depression. I would look into that and have him medically treated if it is. Have his family had words with him about his lack of support?

From the sounds of things you have put up with many excuses, who these days cannot drive, wow now that's a first!

As SLC suggested, was he always like this?

You need to sit back and decide is this the father role model you would want for your daughter. If its not, set the rules straight ie. tell him, you need to get a job, licence and help with the housework without me telling you what to do. Put him on a trial basis and then make a decision following the outcome. And hopefully he makes a change.

Breakups are absolutely horrible for everyone, but while your daughter is young, you will both be able to deal with it together knowing that you made your decision in your daughter's best interest.

Hey ladies well he was not always like this and really really wanted a baby so much and at night time he is fantastic with her but he does not want a job but he will lose his work visa and I am sick of paying for him for everything like petrol, baby nappies, wipes, clothes and formula, bottles etc while he spends money on kava which is a waste of time and money and he IS on a high dose of antidepressants and having weekly counselling sessions and am I. I told him yesterday I cannot keep paying his way and he will end up back in England on his own of he does not pull his finger out as I am sick, fatigued and suffering eclampsia but he told me he would never leave me ever even if i cheated on him he would stay with me, he would do anything he says for me so I told him to go out and look for work and he has done today so all I can do is keep asking him and confronting him and so far he has bucked up xx

My Dh suffers severe depression, on med's and regular counselling but l have found that sometimes that is not enough. We went through a really nasty patch earlier this year (he lying about work etc) and it took a major ultimatum from me to really wake him up to what he was doing. The main thing with an ultimatum is that you have to be able to go through with it. For example, if you don't want him spending money on kava etc and you tell him you will stop giving him money for those things, then STOP!

It is really hard work having a partner with depression, but you have to remember that if you don't look after yourself first, who will look after your baby? Start doing things that are the right thing for you and your bub, whether he is around or not and whether he takes part it in or not. He may soon realise that he will be left behind if he doesn't start to put things into gear to get work etc.