Support Thread - Stepfamilies

Honestly, I totally understand how you feel!

I've felt exactly the same way! DH has a money hungry ex too (although not much of this money appears gone to have gone on the kids but more her recent boob job) seriously....do these women have no pride? I could think of nothing more humiliating than hassling an ex for money!

I have an 11 year old SD who can be a lot like the one you've described but who also has an equally lovely side so I try and focus on that but it's hard sometimes.

We are lucky at the moment that the ex has a new man so we don't hear from her much these days...guess she's moved on to making some other guys life hell!

Feel free to PM if you want but just wanted to let you know I've been there too.

Thanks ladyinwaiting its good talking to others who know what it feels like instead of judging you. Its still dramas here, we havent heard from my step daughter for three weeks so i dont know whats happening there. She told her mother everything that we have done in the last 6 months and things we have brought and she has put it in this cs letter, i feel so violated its like we cant do anything because i dont know if step daughter is gonna tell her mum. I have totally lost my trust in her.

Hi all - its been awhile.

the latest in our debarkle is DP has moved out with SS3 - 3 and a half hours away and im not sure how I feel about it or if I can cope. It has been 3 weeks.

I am so glad to find this thread and to see others have problems aswell!! Sorry. I have a 4 year old to my ex and my partner has 3 children - a girl 12, a girl 9 and a boy 5. I am also expecting and am 11wks.

Is it normal to hate step kids? The BM is the most revolting person I have ever met - she constantly upsets my partner and knows how to still control him. She knows she gets to him and us by not letting him see his kids or changing things at the last minute. Thankfully she doesn't live in the same city but we have to do all the running around to get his kids.

We had the eldest girl live with us for a bit but she constantly kept coming between us and causing problems - she gets huge satisfaction from seeing cracks in our relationship. My partner has only just realised the full extent of it and she is also causing problems between her mother and her mothers new partner. Currently she is living with her nana.

The eldest looks and acts like her mother which is probably why I have problems with her. She competes with me for her dads attention. When we do anything with the kids she plays up and sulks. She calls me names and is so disrespectful to me, her father, her grandparents...

The younger two I have a much better relationship with. They love coming to stay with us. But when am I supposed to feel loving towards them? All I see in them is their mother. My daughter and my partners kids all get on so well together and I mainly agree to have the kids and look after them because my daughter loves them so much.

I feel such a bad person to not feel loving towards my step kids. I always wanted a big family - although this was not quite how I imagined it.

Hi all!!

I am so glad I found this thread!!!

I posted in 'Relationships' last night about how I am struggling with my step daughter, since having my own son.

I was harshly judged and critisized from people who don't know what it's like.

I would really appreciate it if people could have a look at the thread,. about my step daughter, and let me know in here what you think.

Thankyou in advance for advice, not judgement. smile

Hi all!!

I am so glad I found this thread!!!

I posted in 'Relationships' last night about how I am struggling with my step daughter, since having my own son.

I was harshly judged and critisized from people who don't know what it's like.

I would really appreciate it if people could have a look at the thread,. about my step daughter, and let me know in here what you think.

Thankyou in advance for advice, not judgement. smile

Black Cat Ive tried to pm you but it wont work. I would like to put you in touch with some online help for stepmums but dont want to post it in the open forum. Please email me at info@motherknowsbest.com.au. Im really sorry for how harsh that other thread was. You are being honest and trying to understand your feelings. You are in fact being a great sm by acknowledging how you feel and looking for a solution. Please email me Im also a stepmum and understand how hard it can be.

I am glad I found this I am part time step mum to 3 boys and dealing with DH's psyco ex, I am not being nasty or mean when I say she is psyco I mean she realy is mentaly ill. Dh and I have together as a couple since Nov06 and we married in Dec08 and even though DH never even lived with the ex and she is the one that ended everything she is still telling my DH "he needs to get over her" and " your feelings for that woman you live with are not real as you know you still love me" Like I said she is psyco.
Now I am worried because she takes everything out on the boys, basicaly she truley believes that my DH cant possilbly have feelings for any other person because she is the mother of his boys and that measn he HAS to love her, she uses them all the time against DH. We moved away due to DH's work but, we thought that maybe it would be better for the boys with less contact, she drills the boys before contact about not talking to me, not listening to me and was constantly abuseing them about thier father. She abuses them if they tell her they have a good time at their dads and as we were haveing them have the holidays and every 3rd weekend they were sufering a lot. We had hoped that with less contact she would move on and not abuse the boys about thier dad but, sadly it isnt just a case of her growing up and getting on with her life. She is insane and is getting worse. Now she will send text for me, saying " I am happy you are too old to have a baby" and " get used to me being part of your life your husband had sex with me and I gave him 3 beautiful boys"
Now my bigest worry is, what will she do if I am blessed and fall pregnant, I will be haveing an embryo transfer within the next few months. I was pregnant early last year but, sadly I lost the baby at that time we spoke to the boys about babies and they were realy excited that we were going tohave a baby, they did order 3 girls, one each for them to hold but, 3 weeks later they were sad and the oldest one says to me " if you have a baby it could be my cousin couldnt it" after sitting and talking with him he told me, " mum said any baby you have wont be my brother or sister it will be a B*******D and a C****T he was very upset and crying, I sat him on my knee and explaine how it all works and it could be our special secret" it cheered him up.
But, now she is at it again and only 1 of the 3 boys will talk to thier dad on the phone, the oldest one wont speak, this only happens if they have had a beating, we are due to have them 2nd July. I dont know what to do any more DH is so worried and upset he feels it is allhis fault. He cant aford court costs any more, we have saved all the text she has sent, we now have it in text about her always haveing the phone on loud speaker when he rings, that is another way for her to control the boys and my DH, that is why they dont talk. We have video and photos to prove they arenot afriad of us and do relax and enjoy thier time with us but, we dont know where to turn now, we need help to save these boys from thier own mother. Can any one help us at all. we in QLD the boys in VIC

Started this as a thread, under "babys family" but thought I would add it here too..
I would like to meet other step mums on the North Shore who find it hard work and would like to get together from time to time for coffee and a chat.

Okay, my facts are: My partner and I live with two of my girls (9 and 16), I have two other girls (13 twins) who live with their dad, and my partner has two girls (8 and 10) who live with their mum but stay with us Sat/Sun once a fortnight.

Ive had enough, I cant cope. I work as a nanny Mon-Thursday, but I find being a step mum such hard work.... and its been three years... but its getting harder, not easier.

I am sure I am not the only one on the Shore in this sort of situation... so if your interested in getting together for a coffee now and then, let me know. Fridays are great.. they are my days off (no kids from 9 to 3).

I'm not a step mum. My DP is step dad. We have a 15month old DS whom has no father listed and DP is adopting when DS turns 5 (legal age) and we are expecting our second child, his first biological in December. We started dating whilst I was pregnant and he has been with me since DS was born. With the expection of people who knew us beforehand, a lot of people wouldn't even guess he isn't the biological parent.

I'm not sure if I fit into this thread or not as I've not had time to read through really. More so just replying so I can come back to it later and read it as I'm about to head home from work.
smile

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to pop in here briefly.

I'm 25 and have a 1yo DS with another bub on the way.
I am also a step mum to three girls and have to deal with the crap of two different bio mums. My partner and I (plus the rest of his family) are sick of their childish games. In the end the ones they are hurting the most are not us but the kids.

We only have to deal with the first mum for another 8 years and the second for 14 years. Then all the kids will be 18 and adults who can make their own minds up about when they want to see us.

We have not told the kids about the new baby yet and he/she is due in November. This is for 2 reasons. 1-because we have not seen the older kids pretty much since we found out (at 20weeks) and we want to tell them in person. And 2- because of how the mums acted and things they said when they found out I was pregnant with DS. Some down right horrible things were said on Facebook. One of the tamer things was that DP and I planned to have a baby just so that their child support payments would go down.

So yeah it's hard most of the time. We just hope that all the kids realize (when they are older) who has done nothing but love them and who has used them as pawns in a stupid childish game.

If anyone wants to chat feel free to PM me. I'm always looking for other step mum's to talk to as I feel that if you are not a step parent you really don't know what it can be like.

Cheers