My husband and i have been together for 8 years. He is a brilliant human being, one of the nicest you will ever meet. He is fantastic with our children, supportive of me having time to myself now and then, will help out with housework etc. On paper he looks like the perfect husband and we seem like the perfect couple. We never fight, we discuss things and during our relationship i have been incredibly happy.

For probably the last 12 months or so i have felt differently. I still respect him the same amount and love the person that he is, but there is nothing. Love, but no spark. We don't do anything together anymore. I have explained how i feel numerous times and asked him to show more of an interest in me as a wife....but nothing!!!

I just don't want to be one of those people who lives in a marraige for the rest of her life, and one day realises that she has been living with a friend/room mate rather than a husband.

Sometimes i feel like we are bestfriends and raise our children together rather than lovers. I thought things would have imporoved by now but they haven't.

i don't really know what i hope to achieve by posting this here, i guess im just after thoughts/experience/advice??

You guys need time out as a couple dp and I get like this here and there and that's when we know we need more time to just us.
Try and get a weekend away or something like that I mean it really helps even a movie or tea something that's just fpr you guys so you can delve into those feelings and voice what you really wanna say.
Maybe change your weekly routine do something spontaneous me and dp will think at the spur of the moment to take the kids to the park for tea and a play even though there with us it's different not just tea at the table same thing like every other night.
I know where your coming from it may take something different to work for you and your partner though maybe google things like how to bring the spark back to a marriage its amazing what the web has.
I hope you can work it out you seem to have one hell of a catch there that's not worth loosing best of luck things will work out smile

I think in long term relationships you do have times (which can be long periods of time) where you can have lulls, that's not to say there's nothing there anymore. Its natural that relationships change over the years, especially once children come along but even by the very fact you have been together so long. Relationships dont stay exciting and brand new forever, the excitement of a new romance sadly wanes with time and you go on to have a different sort of relationship. There's not usually many sparks flying after 8 years or more.

It is still possible to have time together and enjoy eachother but I think perhaps as time goes on you need to learn to appreciate eachother in different ways, that's not to say you should have a sexless and loveless marriage but after many years together it does change.

Maybe look at it from a different perspective - its not easy to find someone that you can share your life with, that is a great parent, that shares your morals and values, that you get along with... marriage is not all sunshine and lollipops - sometimes it is a bit boring but its a lifelong committment and for your children Mum and Dad are everything.

Try and make some time for just the two of you, a date once a week or fortnight, a weekend away. We can get caught up in every day life and responsibilities so you do need to make an effort to make time for eachother.

Hope all that waffling helped smile

Wow 342 views and 2 replies haha wink

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. Your waffling did help smile

I know it's not supposed to be the same as the first few years, I guess I just felt disconnected with him. I will definately try to organise a date night for once a fortnight and hopefully that will help. We have just had our third baby so date nights might have to be some wine and dinner once the kids are in bed!

He really is an awesome person, I couldnt image not being his wife, i just dont want it to end up that way iykwim?

Thanks again for both your replies smile

DH & I have been married for almost 17 years so I know exactly where you are coming from! We have 4 children. The first 3 were born within 14mths of each other. [3 boys under 14mths]. This put a massive strain on our marriage. We totally lost it for about 4-5 years.

I too wandered if that 'spark' would ever return. TBH it hasnt and I dont think it ever will. However our relationship has changed. Even though that spark isnt there anymore I still find him extremely attractive [even though he's 40!] and I certainly have a lot more respect for him then i did when we were first married.

With now 4 children [youngest is 3, oldest is 12], we dont have time or money for regular 'date nights'. I do love to do something special on a sunday arvo every now and again as a family, sometimes its just a game of cricket in the park late in the arvo followed by pizza. sometimes its a trip to the beach for a swim. etc etc.

About once every 12-18mths we actually get a chance to go out alone and we cherish these moments.

Maybe its more the fact your relationship is a changing place, not so much as you;ve become bored.

Best of luck