After almost 13 yrs & 3 kids DF and I have decided to finally make it official and get married, was chatting with my sister today about the plans I'm making - DH wants just us & 2 witnesses and has a massive problem with my sister's other half, I want a small wedding with us and immediate family & a couple of close friends, we haven't set an official date yet & I'm hoping my DF will come around in a few months after things have had a chance to settle down, but as far as I'm concerned after this length of time it doesn't make any sense to make a big fuss. My sister is pushing me to have a bridesmaid - her "that way I'll be a bridesmaid once in my life" & include her 4yo daughter in the wedding party as well - "it won't be fair on her otherwise and she'd love it". I'd like to just have our kids standing with us & the only thing I have my heart set on for the day is a photographer. Am I being unreasonable to say no to her & her daughter? & how do I do it without getting her nose completely out of joint?

It's your wedding! It'd be silly to have your niece in your wedding party and not your kids... Why don't you compromise and make her your witness? Maybe ask her to say a nice poem or something? That way you aren't leaving her out, but still not having her sort of "in your face" about it, if you know what I mean?
Just talk and work out what you and your partner want first before deciding what else is happening. Don't let your sister's feelings get in the way of your decisions.

I agree its your wedding do it the way you and DH want not the way your sis wants.
we had a rule with our wedding, unless you contributed $$$ towards it you didn't get a say, and then if you did put $$$ towards it you only got a say in what your money went towards.

I agree its your wedding do it the way you and DH want not the way your sis wants.
we had a rule with our wedding, unless you contributed $$$ towards it you didn't get a say, and then if you did put $$$ towards it you only got a say in what your money went towards.

Ha!!! I like this! We didn't officially have this rule but it went that way anyway, DH's parents only contributed to alcohol so when they wanted to invite extra family members (who I had never met) DH said "No!"

Thanks for the support guys, I've decided just to plan the wedding the way I want and if anyone has a problem that's too bad for them, with the exception of DF who I'm hoping will be open to comprise lol