I dont think you are asking for too much. Its tough being at home. I understand that men work hard as well, but making a baby was a joint effort and I believe so should raising one be a team effort.
I am very lucky to have a great husband but there are times he will take himself off to bed or watch a movie on the couch. As a mother our level of responsibility is sometimes completely different to that of a mans.
[Edited on 26/02/2009]
For example, you say can you play with DD while I go do dinner and plonk DD down beside him and walk off.
Do you do that?
He actually may well have no idea what to do. He's also probably feeling pretty stupid BECAUSE he doesn't know what to do.
Try sitting down with him and showing him what you do when you play with her.
Guy's do not KNOW what to do with babies and very young children. Women kinda do because of thier genetic make-up. I think men are better, by virtue of genetic make-up, as children get over 5 or so. As far as I'm concerned that's when the fun really starts, for guy's! I have an 8 year old and we have a great time. I also get annoyed with him sometimes. He's a real smart-arse! I have no idea where he get's that from... Mum I think. But I digress : )
My suggestion is, in a positive and uncondescending way show him how you look after your DD and explain yourself the whole way. You maybe ( I hope ) surprised how interested he actually get's. It's all new stuff he's hearing!
Hope that's helpful
I work full time, and I work nights.. so I have most of the day with the kids so I as much as I used to, pretty much, except the night time tidy up.
This morning I did 3 hours of cleaning after taking my eldest to school, while looking after a sick sniffly 2 year old, before having lunch and a nanna nap with the little one. Woke up, woke my SAHD husband up ( I let him sleep till about 1pm)picked my DD up from school and went off to work.
I work long tiring shifts but still manage to do cleaning every day. Ok there are some days where I look at the mess and think "bah.. it'll be clean when I get home form work" hahaha and leave it, but I remember what it was like to be a SAHM and when DH didn't help out much, so I make an effort.
Posted by: Rockies
No I don't think you're asking too much. How old is your daughter? If she is very young he may feel inadequate and I may need some positive encouragement.
Thanks, your post very very helpful! DD is 6 months. I think you may be right. I notice when he does sit down on the floor with her he doesn't do much and he doesn't stay there very long. After a short time he'll strap her into her swing or put her in her bouncer and turn on the TV or playstation. Although he seems to bond really well with her when he's playing a suitable game with DD on his lap watching.
And no I don't usually just plonk her down and leave the room, normally I say "can you please look after DD so I can start dinner" or something like that. I'll try your way.
I didn't really think that he didn't know what to do, I guess I do spend heaps more time with her than he does. So I need to give him a chance. Thanks again.
My (now ex) partner when our son was born, well all he did was play on the computer or playstation, went out drinking with the boys, etc etc, and half the time didnt even go to work, now i didnt mind at all, it wasnt until i asked for help eg: canyou do the dishes for me while i feed baby, or hold your son while i go have a bath, things like that i would get complaints about. It got bad to the point where one day his mother (i still get on really well with her now) noticed i was looking really stressed, so i told her about it, and she slapped him around the ears and told him about what his father was like when he was little, his biggest fear is being like his fther so he straightened up after that, though it still took until our boy was 3 til he really started looking after him properly (but in saying that, i had left because of another reason, before then so he really didnt have a choice, me andhs mother worked together to get him to take custody, and now we share custody 50/50 which is good though not always)
RotoruaNZ - Brayden May 05 & Lacey Dec 09
Best of luck to you.
giving you the attention and help that you havnt had during the day.
I hate the whole video game thing, I couldn't be with someone who loved games that much. This probably sounds a bit pushy and controlling, but I would tell him I'm sick of seeing the video games, it's me or the games.
It's not fair that he gets to spend so much time doing things that please just him, what do you spend that much time doing purely for yourself?