School readiness for 4 yr old

I have researched and 'googled' my little heart out but want to see if anyone has some advice or been in the same situation as me regarding sending their child to school 'early'.
My DD1 turned 3 in April and is attending 3 yr old kinder, so is eligible to start school 2012 (will be 4 yrs 10mths). I asked her kinder teacher the other day how she was going and she said really good - wouldn't know she was the youngest in the class; plays by herself but also plays with the other kids. Then last week there was a 'sharing' incident where by DD1 got upset when someone wouldn't give her a toy. She was then upset and very out-of-sorts for the last 1/2 hr of class. The teacher now says maybe she should repeat 3 yr old kinder next year (instead of 4 yr old) because her 'conflict resolution' may not be like that of a 4 yr old.

I think it is a bit early to decide but offers are being organised for next year and I need to seriously think about it. My concerns are that if this is her only social 'issue' would it be necessary to get her to repeat and wouldn't she be better with the older kids to learn how to deal with sharing better - especially with kids who will stand up to her? Is putting her back next year with 3 yr olds going to deal with this? She is very mature for her age; makes conversation very easily with adults and other children - actually is a bit in-your-face and doesn't draw breath!

My other concern is academically. She could count to 20 at 15 mths, knew ABC by 22mths (now can count to 100), has an amazing vocab, always wanting to learn and now is wanting to learn how to read and spell words. I'm worried if she doesn't get to school by 2012 she is not going to get enough stimulation, which was like me when I went to school and the teachers had to give me extra work to keep me occupied.

I know kinder teachers get a good idea of where kids are at, but she also attends mother's group, playgroup, and music; I've seen the way she interacts with people and to me she seems very good, however we do have the 'sharing' problem at home with DDS who is 13 mths younger - snatches things, and wants what he is playing with. It's more than 18 months until she would start school - is this 'sharing' thing / conflict resolution going to sort itself out? Do kids still have problems with it when they go to school? I don't think I have blinkers on and want to be sensible about the whole thing - I'm sure I would be happy to have her repeat if she was quiet, shy, couldn't interact, was just 'average' and happy to plod along.

ANYONE?????
Thanks

I think that you have another chat with the teacher to find out if there is anything else going on. I find it extremely strange that anyone would suggest a child should repeat a whole year on the basis of one isolated incident. There are a number of problems with this, including the fact that the teacher may not have seen the entire incident, or perhaps your child might have been out of sorts for another reason such as feeling unwell, or anything. So if this sort of thing was happening often, then okay, maybe it is a cause for concern. If this is a truly one-off isolated incident, though, I'm not sure that it is a problem. I know you say you have witnessed a similar problem at home but often a child behaves differently with their siblings than they do with their peers at school.

My experience with children either repeating or skipping school years is limited to academic reasons so I'm not to sure about the social aspects though. And from an academic perspective, I absolutely agree with you that it can be hugely detrimental to keep an obviously bright child out of school.

Don't stress she will learn...my DS started school this year and went through a very rough patch with his behaviour. It turns out he was super bored as opposed to not being socially ready (wouldn't have had the issues except we changed states and therefore school systems and QLD is way behind NSW preschool - but he is right at the cut off for birthdays and I did worry when I put him in - BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE MADE ME DOUBT HIM.) Anyway, when he was having all the issues I was ripping my hair out not sure what to do, everyone was telling me I'd put him in too early so I was very torn like you. Once I started giving him extra work and challenging his little brain EVERYTHING has sorted itself out and he is leading his class.

I think you are absolutely right to put her into 4yr old so she learns with them AND ITS STILL A LONG TIME AWAY TIL SHE WILL BE GOING TO SCHOOL - I don't think they should be even recommending this as an option at this time of year unless there are serious issues (and that's not serious enough) 6 mths is a VERY long time in the development of a little person so I say don't worry and enrol her in 4 yr old.

my son is 4 now he has sharing issues but dont all kids i think its stupid maybe she is bored but still sometimes it every now and again someone else collect her from daycare or school ask the teacher how the day went and how and if she is sharing c if they get the same response sneaky but i have done it,
my son gt strangled at school with a skipping rope he was wearing a jumper i had no idea until he was in the bath i rang and told them my son had said the boy who did it and they said not possiable so the next time i went and showed the photo of my sons neck she still didnt believe me

anyways i asked my sis to pick him up and ask the teacher was he ok she said the boy who strangled my son punched him and kicked him etc and that this had happened b4 well off i go to daycare again and ask them my son had got up after being bored storytime and went and played with blocks the other boys told him no there his and kicked and punched him in otherwords MY son was told he was not sharing and this had lead to him being belted by another child the teacher then informs me that my son should spend another year at daycare not school next year for his sharing and speech my son gets his phs messed up.

since going to another daycare his speech had improved his sharing is the best he learnt so much more and asks questions that he never asked b4 i know this mightn be the case here but just c get someone else to pick her up and ask qestion you might be surprised i certainly was plus he gets to go to school next year his looking forward to big school

I have researched and 'googled' my little heart out but want to see if anyone has some advice or been in the same situation as me regarding sending their child to school 'early'.
My DD1 turned 3 in April and is attending 3 yr old kinder, so is eligible to start school 2012 (will be 4 yrs 10mths). I asked her kinder teacher the other day how she was going and she said really good - wouldn't know she was the youngest in the class; plays by herself but also plays with the other kids. Then last week there was a 'sharing' incident where by DD1 got upset when someone wouldn't give her a toy. She was then upset and very out-of-sorts for the last 1/2 hr of class. The teacher now says maybe she should repeat 3 yr old kinder next year (instead of 4 yr old) because her 'conflict resolution' may not be like that of a 4 yr old.

I think it is a bit early to decide but offers are being organised for next year and I need to seriously think about it. My concerns are that if this is her only social 'issue' would it be necessary to get her to repeat and wouldn't she be better with the older kids to learn how to deal with sharing better - especially with kids who will stand up to her? Is putting her back next year with 3 yr olds going to deal with this? She is very mature for her age; makes conversation very easily with adults and other children - actually is a bit in-your-face and doesn't draw breath!

My other concern is academically. She could count to 20 at 15 mths, knew ABC by 22mths (now can count to 100), has an amazing vocab, always wanting to learn and now is wanting to learn how to read and spell words. I'm worried if she doesn't get to school by 2012 she is not going to get enough stimulation, which was like me when I went to school and the teachers had to give me extra work to keep me occupied.

I know kinder teachers get a good idea of where kids are at, but she also attends mother's group, playgroup, and music; I've seen the way she interacts with people and to me she seems very good, however we do have the 'sharing' problem at home with DDS who is 13 mths younger - snatches things, and wants what he is playing with. It's more than 18 months until she would start school - is this 'sharing' thing / conflict resolution going to sort itself out? Do kids still have problems with it when they go to school? I don't think I have blinkers on and want to be sensible about the whole thing - I'm sure I would be happy to have her repeat if she was quiet, shy, couldn't interact, was just 'average' and happy to plod along.

ANYONE?????
Thanks

hi my son is in the same boat, he turned 4 in feb, the week of starting kinder. he plays with other kids but by himself too. he has improved beyond belief, talking and playing with other kids now, he is shy and was very quiet to start with. i ask his kinder teacher whether she thought he was ready for school next year, she said she thinks he should stay down a year. apparently he is not upto sctratch socially, but is very smart academically so i dont know what to do. i think he is ready but who knows. his teacher said he has improved 80 per cent from when he first started but i just think it will be the same if he repeats, he would have to start all over again and know noone, and wonder why all of his mates have gone to school and he hasnt. but i think your daughter would be fine, she sounds very smart, just enroll her you can always not accept the school if you decide not to send her next year

Don't forget that lots of people are holding their kids back until the year they turn 6 now...

I'm not sure why this trend is going on but it definitely affects kids in your DD birthday period. The difference between 4 and 9 mths and 6 is huge, size and emotionly.

Only you can decide, but in my experience girls who have had school readiness at pre school are usually OK to start kindy at 4 and 9mths (I did!), it's more often the boys who are deemed not ready and held back. Was the incident with a boy? Just keep communicating with the preschool and aim for the school start you were planning, you can always change your mind at the beginning of that year!

Hi

I agree with Izzy's mum, fancy suggesting to say hold her back due to this one incident - which I might add is perfectly normal for this age. If it was the end of the day she was probably tired and maybe got a bit emotional - normal normal normal.

My DD will be 4 years 10 months when she starts school next year, is totally ready. She snatches toys etc from her younger sister too... again normal normal normal.

I spend a bit of time at DD's preschool (all 4 or just turned 5 year olds) and I have seen LOADS of tantrums, crying, sharing (or rather not sharing) and snatching toys off other kids. Sorry to say it again but its normal smile

I think this teacher is a bit of a ninny for making such a mountain out of a molehill.

I'm in a similar situation. My boy turns 4 in Feb and I was torn as to whether to send him to 3 or 4 year old kinder. Everyone I spoke to had a different opinion. He is doing well socially and academically so I thought 4 year old (even though didn't officially do 3 year old this year, only incidently at his child care through their program).
I ended up enrolling him in both and have chosen to send to 4 year old as there is an option to repeat 4 year old kinder - you may have to pay for it, but the option is there. Also, as one of his carers said, if they are not coping with 4 year old in first term, you can always drop them back.
I'm a primary teacher and everyone thinks I should know what to do. Normally I would suggest for boys to wait til they are 6 to start school (and this is the trend many follow - it's more to do with maturity, but there are new studies showing that sending them early may be detrimental in high school). Most girls tend to cope better starting early, but as a friend said to me, school is no longer play-based and is very structured thus, kids no longer get to be kids for as long so it doesn't hurt to hold them back. Her view is, does it really matter if they are the smartest and oldest kid in the class? I'm not totally convinced of this view, but it does have some merit.
Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this helps but basically I think that you know your child best and I wouldn't let one incident put you off. There is a lifetime to learn about sharing!