HI
I have a little boy Noah that is 4months old this week. my partner has 2 old kids... ive never really had a problem with kids but for some reason the youngest one i cant get my head around, he is a very jealous, controlling,selfish six year old, Ive never really seen any other child like it. when he is in trouble or asked to do something i always seem to get a smart,nasty or cheecky reply.
we have been trying to make him realise he cant treat other people different but its NOT working.. Is anyone else in a simular situation or have any idea how to deal with kids that arent yours.....
Blended families are always tough, but I think if you are going to take them on you need to treat the children like they are your own.
I'd say the 6 year old is very jealous of the new baby and that's normal and to be expected, so would work towards making him feel important in the family and spending time with him.
If you always tend to your babies needs first this can compound the problem, at 4 months your baby wont remember but a child of 6 will - so if you are always telling the six year old to wait because you are doing something for the baby or are always putting the baby first and saying things like you cannot do something because of the baby... then the older child resents the baby.
A child of 6 is still very young and cannot communicate their feelings... it comes out in their behaviour and he may well be acting out so much to get attention (even though its negative).
Dont use the baby as an excuse that you cannot do things, rather word it such that when you are finished doing something you can then help him.
You need to sit down with his Dad and come up with a plan of action for discipline so that you are both on the same page - timeout, removal of priviledges, that type of thing and where possible it should be his Dad doing most of the disciplining... taking the lead with you backing him up and of course doing it yourself if his Dad isnt around.
Its hard for a child with separated parents, no doubt there's different rules with his Mum and then with you and his Dad, its confusing, its hard on them emotionally and him having a new sibling is probably adding to the turmoil for him.
He needs to feel safe and loved and part of the family. When you have a little baby a child of 6 can seem so much older and therefore you can expect so much more from them, but he's still only 6 and dealing with alot and he doesnt have the emotional or mental skills to handle himself and the situation in an adult fashion and be nice about it. He probably wants his mum and dad together and now Dad has a new family and he's wondering about his place in it. Imagine it was your baby in this situation... I think that helps to do that because you'd want a step mother to your son to treat him with love and understanding.
