Having trouble disciplining my nearly 6.y.o. DD

My eldest DD is really very good most of the time, does what I ask etc, but the last few months she's really testing me. Sometimes she just screams at me at the flick of a switch. It only happens at the end of a long day when she's really tired which is why I'm having difficulty, as I'm feeling guilty cause she has to go to after school care 3 days a week due to my working. So I'm torn between knowing it's not her fault, and the need to get her to stop. Once she's "lost it" she struggles to regain control and the tears go on for ages, often resulting in a not so nice evening for us all. I've tried talking to her and she says she doesn't know why she does it, doesn't want to do it etc, but still does. We used to have a 1-2-3 warning system but she started acting up first thing in the morning and getting 2 warnings within about 2 minutes, then was good for the rest of the day. But obviously she was testing me.

How would you tackle it?

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Last time my 6 year old DS had a meltdown like the ones your DD has I sent him to his bedroom for time out and told him he wasnt allowed out until he calmed down.He put up a fight, but I stood my ground and it actually worked.He calmed down after 10 minutes. I know his school does something similar where the kids will get sent out of the classroom for timeout.So it was something he was familiar with.As he had told me other kids get sent out for timeout.
Anyway you could try this and see how you go.Good luck. I know what you are going through. My DS has them occasionally when he is tired too or when he doesnt get his own way.

hi there

both of my older children have been through this stage, both in their first year of school.

My DD1 is very also very tired and emotional lately (she is 5) and similar to you I am putting her outbursts down to exhaustion. She attends after school care twice a week plus Prep is full on for little people to adjust to.

I dont have a specific approach as such as I think it dpeends on exactly what your daughter does when she has a meltdown.
For my DD, I try my hardest to be calm and matter of fact throughout the night (not so easy when I am tired and cranky too - lol) and if she is upset let her have some tears and then move on.

I think time is the only thing that helps, as they adjust to being busier.
Also the usual (regular homework, dinner bath and bed routine). Easy dinners prepped or frozen for you to reheat. I have found Tv calms my DD down - dont know if that works for you!!

Sorry not sure if that has been much hekp, just to let you know you are not the only one in this situation!

smile

I don't really think its a punishable offence...You have recognised it happens when she is tired. You have recognised it happens when she has had a long day. I agree with the pp in terms of supporting yourself with easy dinners on hand or activities that will calm her down. Now that you know what sets her off you can try and head it off before it happens. Obviously life goes on though and you can't revolve around it so I tend to give them a hug, tell them how much I love them, acknowledge that they are tired or whatever the situation is and then offer a suggestion. eg. why don't you go and have a bath (or activity of choice) and I will make you a cup of tea and we can read a book together. If this doesn't go down well at all or they spiral out of control screaming and hitting or whatever she is doing, then I say, ok we are going to go and sit on your bed for a little bit because we need to keep everybody safe. i would walk them in sit on the bed and reemphasise why we are there (not for punishment, just as space for her to calm down while allowing everyone else to not be the recipient of unacceptable behaviour) You can judge it as to whether to leave her or not. I find my 5 yr old sometimes likes me there for comfort but sometimes she just needs a few minutes to chill and calm down. If she is in hysterics I wouldn't go as it would make it worse.

Basically, she is just learning how to cope with so much stuff. It isn't her fault she can't handle it yet and like pp says she just needs some time to get it sorted. Maybe start implementing some strategies to either give her techniques to deal with it. such as a routine of come home, sit and chill with you for a bit, then crack on with what needs to be done. Over time you will both work out techniques of how to deal with it.
Sometimes my dd starts off crying then loses control and says she wants to stop but can't. I have found the best thing is just to hold her and be there for her. Trying to get her to control her breathing is good too. hugs, make them smile also work wonders. Being silly for them, or even just telling them you love them.

All the best!

As PP said, you know it's because she's tired, and when they are tired they often can't control it. At least the feeling of being upset and tired that is. It's about how they deal with that feeling. Deep breaths are popular here, or counting out breathing. Doing things to distract can sometimes be enough, or some kindness and reassurance about the fact they are loved. Kids cope with what they have to (with regards to school, after school care etc) and then when they see Mum, they know they don't have to be perfect, and sometimes let it out, because they know you love them anyway. I think it's actually a sign of good parenting when they know to control their emotions or behaviour in certain places.

When my daughter does the screaming at us thing, we ask her very calmly (which I won't lie, can be difficult at times) why she is yelling at us, that we aren't yelling at her and she's not in trouble. She tends to react as if she's in trouble when she's tired when we ask the simplest question, and then the spiralling can start if we react. I actually say to mine, you sound like you're a bit tired, we'll have dinner and you can have a nice hot bath and pop into bed.

With the mornings, when my daughter started school I did a chart up with morning jobs on it, and she loved it. It took all the stress out of the mornings. She ticked off each job and got a sticker each day when she did her jobs (teeth, dressed, etc). She just seemed to respond brilliantly to the responsibility of getting things done, where if i told her the same jobs, I'd have to tell her 10 times.

Thanks for all your replies ladies. Of course the last couple of nights have been fine haven't they! Sometimes I do send her to her room when she is so distraught it's distracting from everything else (like feeding my youngest DD, preparing tea etc), but I do like the idea suggested of sitting in there with her to help her calm down so might try that next time it happens.