5 year old DD Behaviour Problem

Hi girls
Haven't posted at Huggies in so long, but it does come in handy for support and advice when times are tough.

My DD is 5 (6 in December this year), she is in kindergarten, and seems to be doing well. i.e. no complaints from the teacher, does well with her work etc. It is just her behaviour at home that is going down hill lately.

The back chatting and tantrum throwing are full on, and along with the tantrums comes the screaming, and kicking walls and doors etc. not just tears and crying but hysterical screaming and carrying on. She wont play with kids her own age unless i facilitate it with family friends kids etc. at school she hangs around with older girls and thinks kids her age at school are 'silly' and dont listen to her. I think because she sees herself as a leader at home being the big sister that she thinks she can boss around the kids her age at school and when they dont want a bar of it she hangs out with the older girls. I have been in tears today from a massive tantrum this morning before school and a massive tantrum this evening too. I know she is tired by the end of the week and this makes matters worse but basically what i would like to know is how do i know, or what would you say, is the normal behaviour of a 5 year old girl and what could be something more such as a medical reason for her behavioural problems? is this something i should be getting her assessed on? how would i go about that if that is what you think i should check out? or is it a typical 5 year old girl thing where i just have to be consistent and keep following through with the consequences of her actions i.e. being sent to her room, having privileges taken away etc. I also do special one on one things with her so she gets time with me without her sister in tow etc. I suppose with a 2 year old that still wakes 6-7 times a night and now my daughters behaviour, i can only stretch myself so far as im exhausted.

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 3.5 year old with similar behaviour. When he is good, he is excellent. When he is bad, he is terrible. My husband and I have been on top of him for the past 6 months and although it is so exhausting and frustrating, I can see improvements in his behaviour - slowly but steadily. His behaviour has also escalated after the arrival of DS2 5 months ago (which makes it even harder to deal with as I am up during the night with a newborn and very tired the next day).
We have taken away all of his toys (yes, I mean everything!) so his playroom was completely empty - this was really tough to do, but so worth it, and he is slowly getting back a few toys every couple of weeks or so. He is now showing more respect for the things that he owns and responsibility. When we are with friends and his behaviour gets out of hand, he goes straight into the corner - this is the only thing that gets to him. I have tried ignoring, smacking, sending him to his bedroom, etc and they have no affect on him. Putting him in the corner and watching everyone else have the fun seems to work most effectively for him. Initially, he spent most of his time in the corner and that has slowly decreased over the past month or so. I have a wonderful friend that continues to reassure me that I am doing the right thing and it will pay off in the long run. But we DO go back to having bad days...like today was terrible, but I had to remind myself that he has been excellent for the past 2 weeks.
The key I think is consistency and following through on your threats.

Hey, my SIL had the same problem with her oldest DD. Her behavior got really bad. She said she bennefitted from a course for consistent disciplining she did with her husband. Also the family saw a psychologist for awhile, which she still sometimes sees. Their relatiionship is much better now.

Hi

I think when kids start school quite often their behaviour becomes challenging.

For one, they often spend all day trying to be focused and well behaved at school, that when they get home mentally exhausted and its like a meltdown and they are ready to explode. I know other kids who were like this for awhile when first starting school until they got more used to school.

Secondly when they start school they learn bad habits from the other kids. My eldest in particular is often going through the backchatting and attitude stage. We get him sorted out during the holidays. He goes back to school and by the second week the attitude is back and we are chipping it back down again

I find with my kids (almost 7 and 5.5) that the BEST form or discipline is taking away their currency item. In my boys' cases it can be TV privileges after school or their DS. I explain to them that these are privileges and if they aren't going to behave appropriately they get put away till they change their behaviour.

As for tantrums I would deal with these like you do with a 2yr old. Make sure she is safe but then completely and utterly ignore her. Act as though what she is doing is not affecting you in the slightest but calmly tell her you will talk to her and work through whatever is wrong when she calms herself down

They are just a few ideas from me anyway ... good luck!

Little girls can be very complicated when they are growing up. I have 2 girls 9years and 6years.

My six year old is a challenge for me. She doesnt do what you have discribed but she does other things that just make me want to tear my hair out!!

Now I know that you have said that you do things with her, which is great but I have a tactic that I use with my girls.

I take them out, like to a cafe so they have to dress nicely and it s exciting then have coffee and cake and a girly chat. I ask a few questions and then let my girls tell me about their lives and what has been happening. Then when the conversations flowing I will stick in," I am really enjoying talking to you, it makes me feel sad when we fight." they always agree so then we go on to "how can we fix this" and talk it out a bit while everyones relaxed. I then have a point to go to when things get hard. It also makes them feel validated. I find that if issues are happening at home the chidren are also not happy with whats going on and sometimes just need to feel like they are heard.

It works in my family anyway smile