Single mid 20's mothers by choice

Hi,
Is anyone else out there a single mother by choice?
I am very early on in my pregnancy and I used a sperm donor to become pregnant.
Most people have been very supportive but it seems to be very unusual.
Is anyone else doing it on their own by choice?
Thanks

Hi wanttobeamummy,

I find your story very intersting!

I, in a way, have chosen to be a single mum. I fell pregnant to a friend (unplanned) and we have both agreed not to have a relationship. I am happy with this decision and with the way things are with him at the moment I am glad we aren't in one. I guess you don't have to deal with issues with the father. In hindsight I wish I never told him I was pregnant, but I would have to deal with my daughter asking me who her father is. How are you planning on explaining this to your bubba?

I very much enjoy being a single mum! I love it! I am blessed my girl (who is almost 5 months) has been such a good baby, in the way of sleeping, feeding and other health issues. I see some of my friends and the issues they have with their babies and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful girl.

I don't plan on meeting anyone else. I know they're are plenty of decent, nice guys out there, it's just that I haven't had a good track record in finding and keeping a nice guy and I don't want my girl to be having temporary father figures in her life. She has a lot to do with her father now anyway. Are you looking to meet someone in the future? Why did you choose to go down this road?

I had always thought about a sperm donar, I wasn't thinking to have children until I was in my early 30's (I had my girl when I was 28). I am a very independant person and although in my perfect world I would be married and having children, I am very happy with how my life is.

Well done to you! And good luck! There are definately some challenges, like having your baby wake every 2 hours in the night just to "play", seeing the smile on their face when you walk in, you forget on how tired and exhausted you are! It just melts you!

I hope to hear how you are going!
Sharona

Hi There,

In a way i suppose i am a single mother by choice ..

Im 21 and became pregnant after having the only one night stand i'd ever had in my life and have no contact with the father, unfortunately i don't even know his name. I found out I was preg and went through with the pregnancy and although its not the ideal situation i love being a mum and have lots of support and wouldn't change a thing.

I read a awesome book called "the complete single mothers" it has sections on mothers by choice through sperm donors etc ideas on how to explain to your child about their father/sperm donor and and has sooo much great information on just about every situation. heres a link for the book

http://www.fishpond.com.au/Books/Complete-Single-Mother-Andrea-Engber-Leah-Klungness/9781593374907?cf=3&rid=1856205332&i=1&keywords=complete+single+mother

there is also another great book called "single mothers by choice"

Being a single mother can be hard at times but it is very rewarding and there are many advantages , you will get to choose his/her name all by yourself, no arguments on different parenting styles etc.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk about anything smile

.

I got pregnant accidentally, but decided to keep the baby knowing that I was not going to have any support from the father (we were not in a relationship) so I suppose that is kind of the same as becoming a single parent by choice. I was 29 when I got pregnant, 30 when I had the baby, so a little bit older than you but not much.

I would say that it is definitely unusual to do it under the age of 30 - most people look to do it at that age because they feel that their options are running out if they are not married with children by that age. Most people who plan single parenthood would make sure they are financially ready, and are well-established in their careers, so for many people this would come after age 30.

My personal thoughts are that being a single parent is hard, much harder than I thought, and you need to have good support networks around you, i.e. your extended family or friends. But that said, it is probably easier to do it 100% alone than to have involvement from an ex-partner because at least you can do things your way, you get to make all of the decisions and you don't have messy relationships to deal with.

I dont understand why anyone would want to become a single parent by choice? Just a question.

Also its very different to become a single parent by choice (planned pregnancy) as compared to an unplanned pregancy.....

Hi all,

I am just shy of 22 and expecting baby number one in late November. Can't wait to meet my little girl- so excited! While mother and daughter are happy and healthy, there is still an underlying issue in my pregnancy that's going to plague the both of us probably forever....

Knowing I was not going to have the support from the father (we refer to him as Baby Doner now....) in any way or means pretty much confirmed my decision for me.

My support line is huge though. My own Mum is looking foward to baby being here just as much as me. She is my biggest support line and I feel so lucky to have a positive influence from her. She knows this is such a huge decision for me to make but she is supporting me 100% and couldn't agree more that I need to be away from 'Baby Doners' crap. I make it a point to surround myself with people that are supportive of my pregnancy despite the facts and assure me that Im making the right choices by my baby.

I am focusing on the positives and how better off baby and I will be without him. I am having to look into legal action to protect myself and my daughter, something I am **** scared about dealing with. Let's be real though, I know it's going to be hard doing this on my own, especially for my first time but I have no doubt in my mind I will be a great Mum and baby being safe, loved and surrounded by positives is all I can ask for.

I hope this can help other Mums who are in a similar sitaution. It's all pretty intense stuff! I trust myself and my decisions and know me and baby will be just fine without him. All the best smile

I am 38 and have been a single mother for the last nine years ... on Monday I found out I was pregnant again - unexpected, unplanned but very exciting. The father, who I have been seeing on and off for 9 months does not want to have anything to do with me now or the baby in the future.

So this time its a choice to be a single mum - whereas last time it was a choice not to get married to lying cheating fiance.

Life is all about choices. I'm very lucky in that I have awesome friends and a family who have supported me. As long as you have a strong support system you'll be fine.

Focus on that precious bundle of joy coming into your life, don't listen to those that are not in your situation and don't understand your reasoning. Everything happens for a reason and every child is a blessing smile

Good luck and if you need someone to talk to... feel free to message me smile

I dont understand why anyone would want to become a single parent by choice? Just a question.

Also its very different to become a single parent by choice (planned pregnancy) as compared to an unplanned pregancy.....

Hi Tannie

I'm not sure I understand the second part of your question, but I'll give it a red hot shot smile

I choose to be a single parent because a termination is not an option for me, I choose to raise this child on my own, because there is no other option for me - the "father" has cut off all contact and wants nothing to do with me or the baby. Do I lay down and cry about it or just get on with giving my children the best possible life I can?

Single mothers can very easily CHOOSE to have a planned or unplanned pregnancy if the father is too lazy to safeguard against a pregnancy. I was on the pill (religiously - and I've been very successful for 10 years), he choose not to use a condom or have a vasectomy (even though he apparently doesn't want anymore children. It can't all be my fault can it?

Sex is the responsibility of both parties. What happens if you don't take responsibility is something you should both have to deal with. I personally don't want his negativity in our lives. You can't force someone to be a father. But I want to be a mother... and I'm making a conscious choice to be responsibility for my actions.

Hi Everyone,

I've been looking for other people who are going through the same thing as me and I'm glad I found this forum smile

I am 28 years old a single mum to a perfect 8 month old boy. I used a sperm donor to conceive my son and it was the best decision I ever made.

I have the support of my family though I think sometimes they still don't quite understand why I chose to do this.

I would love to speak to other women who are in the same boat as me.

Hi all,

I am just shy of 22 and expecting baby number one in late November. Can't wait to meet my little girl- so excited! While mother and daughter are happy and healthy, there is still an underlying issue in my pregnancy that's going to plague the both of us probably forever....

Knowing I was not going to have the support from the father (we refer to him as Baby Doner now....) in any way or means pretty much confirmed my decision for me.

My support line is huge though. My own Mum is looking foward to baby being here just as much as me. She is my biggest support line and I feel so lucky to have a positive influence from her. She knows this is such a huge decision for me to make but she is supporting me 100% and couldn't agree more that I need to be away from 'Baby Doners' crap. I make it a point to surround myself with people that are supportive of my pregnancy despite the facts and assure me that Im making the right choices by my baby.

I am focusing on the positives and how better off baby and I will be without him. I am having to look into legal action to protect myself and my daughter, something I am **** scared about dealing with. Let's be real though, I know it's going to be hard doing this on my own, especially for my first time but I have no doubt in my mind I will be a great Mum and baby being safe, loved and surrounded by positives is all I can ask for.

I hope this can help other Mums who are in a similar sitaution. It's all pretty intense stuff! I trust myself and my decisions and know me and baby will be just fine without him. All the best smile

Glad to see there are a few women out there in a similar situation to me!
I'm 15wks with my first & def not planned. Known the father for over 16yrs but only slept together a couple of times & now I'm having his baby!
He's in shock & not sure what role he wants to have in bubs life. Also has a gf so got some explaining to do there, not sure if he had her when we DTD, I didn't think so but anythings possible!
I'm 30, will be 31 when bubs arrives in June, so not too concerned about flying solo as I've always wanted to be a mum yet always gone out with total losers who I would never knowingly have a child to.
Hopefully chat with some more single mums so I get a but more of an idea what I'm in for!