Advice needed on visitation and rights

I'm a 29 year old single mother with a 8 month old son. Here is the history, I was in a relationship with the father, it ended and weeks late I found out I was pregnant. The father decided that he didn't want anything to do with it and I didn't hear from him throughout the pregnancy but as soon as bubs was born, he wanted to be apart of his life. He has been seeing his son once a week and now I'm wanting to make arrangements on visitation and so on. I'm trying to seek legal advice but on a waiting to hear back from them. I'm wanting to hear from other people in the same situation. I have offered that he can have our son every second weekend but he says that he works. I feel that I can't win. I do feel resentful towards him but try to put that aside and think of that it is good for my son to have a relationship with his father. I need advice on what I should do since he has told me that he can't have him every second weekend because of work (which he chooses to work on weekends)? He has stated that he would like to take him every sunday but it might change as he has to work on a sunday sometimes!!I feel like I'm running around for him!!!Have other single parents got a parenting plan and what is it like and how was the mediation process?

I'm not a single mum but here's my 50 cents worth if its any help!! To me it sounds like you are making every effort to make the whole thing work & he is being a pain in the bum. I can appreciate you wanting to allow your son to know his dad & really hope for you & him that it works out.

This is just my personal view BUT every Sunday sounds like it would be a bit unfair on you- where I'm going with this is that you have made the effort for the every second weekend scenario but due to his choices of work he is choosing not to make that possible. Would every Sunday be a bit inconvient for you?? You are & will be the 99.9% care giver for your son & it kind of would limit the way you spend your weekend (don't get me wrong I know how miportant it is to have your son's dad in his life)- I was just thinking along the lines of if you go away for the weekend, or have a family event or something similar.

Maybe you lay down the law- you offer up what you want & what works for you & he can take it or leave it- after all it is his son- he SHOULD come before work.

Like I said I'm not in your situation but that's just my opinion smile

I'm not a single mum but here's my 50 cents worth if its any help!! To me it sounds like you are making every effort to make the whole thing work & he is being a pain in the bum. I can appreciate you wanting to allow your son to know his dad & really hope for you & him that it works out.

This is just my personal view BUT every Sunday sounds like it would be a bit unfair on you- where I'm going with this is that you have made the effort for the every second weekend scenario but due to his choices of work he is choosing not to make that possible. Would every Sunday be a bit inconvient for you?? You are & will be the 99.9% care giver for your son & it kind of would limit the way you spend your weekend (don't get me wrong I know how miportant it is to have your son's dad in his life)- I was just thinking along the lines of if you go away for the weekend, or have a family event or something similar.

Maybe you lay down the law- you offer up what you want & what works for you & he can take it or leave it- after all it is his son- he SHOULD come before work.

Like I said I'm not in your situation but that's just my opinion smile

I agree with you totally...I feel so confused about it all. I'm trying to put my son first but all I seem to be is ending up being really unhappy. If we went to mediation and he said that he has to work and can not have him every second weekend, what would they say I wonder??? The father isn't even keen on going to mediation. I'm scared of what may happen if we do have mediation. What happens if the father gets his way. I do feel resentful.

I agree with you totally...I feel so confused about it all. I'm trying to put my son first but all I seem to be is ending up being really unhappy. If we went to mediation and he said that he has to work and can not have him every second weekend, what would they say I wonder??? The father isn't even keen on going to mediation. I'm scared of what may happen if we do have mediation. What happens if the father gets his way. I do feel resentful.

You really need to put yourself first before him. The fact he wont go to mediation says something in itself & you looking for a mutal agreement would certinally go in your favour. I can understand your fear though but if your doing all the right things then that's best you can do. I don't blame you for being resentful.

My sister is kind of in a similar situation at the moment. She has a 3mth old son & about 5 weeks ago her partner of 4ish years came out to her that he was gay & leaving her- complete shock as no one saw that coming. They are now having issues with custody etc espcially with him being so young but he I guess is on the other scale where he wants him every weekend so they are in mediation at the moment trying to work something out.

Good luck with it all & stay strong smile

You really need to put yourself first before him. The fact he wont go to mediation says something in itself & you looking for a mutal agreement would certinally go in your favour. I can understand your fear though but if your doing all the right things then that's best you can do. I don't blame you for being resentful.

My sister is kind of in a similar situation at the moment. She has a 3mth old son & about 5 weeks ago her partner of 4ish years came out to her that he was gay & leaving her- complete shock as no one saw that coming. They are now having issues with custody etc espcially with him being so young but he I guess is on the other scale where he wants him every weekend so they are in mediation at the moment trying to work something out.

Good luck with it all & stay strong smile

thankyou so much for your advice...for some reason, I'm scared I will lose the most important person in my life...but mediation is the only way.

You should be aware that if you go to mediation, they will probably award him a lot more than just every second weekend. You'll likely get a 50/50 split, assuming that that is do-able depending on where you live and so on.

I also think that the other problem here is that you state that he "chooses" to work every weekend, because I doubt that it would be seen that way at mediation. What does he do? I only ask because very few people have jobs where they have complete freedom of choice over what days they work. Even if he worked in a job where he really could choose his days of work, it would probably be taken into account that at the moment he usually works weekends, and it would be expected that it would be arranged that he would see the child at times when he is free as opposed to changing his regular working days so that he could see the child.

So, I think you need to take those things into consideration before you head off down the mediation route. But then yes, I do think it sounds like that is the best option for you.