First weekend without my kids

This is the first weekend without my oldest two (my 4 month old is with me), I feel lost sad What does everyone else do? How long does it take to feel normal? And not stress about what they're doing?

I've been a single mum of 2 for nearly 2 years. At first their dad took our daughter for a night but I still had our son as he was newborn too. I missed my daughter and did often wonder how she was going but my ex would text me a photo of a picture she'd done or let me know how she slept.

I used the time to just do something for me whether it was see friends or relax in quiet while the baby slept. It didn't last long as their dad stopped seeing them so I haven't actually had a night in a year where he has had my daughter (he's never had our son). I have had friends have the kids for the night because i've gone out but didn't think too much because I trusted the friends and I was having a good time for the first time.

All I can suggest is to use the time for yourself. Relax, read a book, have a bath, take your baby out for a nice walk or get things done around the house that are normally too difficult to do when you have all the kids. That way then you feel better because even though you haven't had the kids with you, you feel productive after getting stuff done and try not to stress. You could always ask their dad to just send you an update on how they are going until you are comfortable with them not being with you for the weekend.

As hard as it is try to enjoy the time you have to yourself and use it as quality time with your baby. You will get used to it and will see they are ok and they can tell you all about what they have done with their dad. Hope you feel better about it soon smile

Yep. Thought about all that too. Rang at 6.30 like he usually does, could hear him on the phone saying you want to talk to mum?? Nope, nope, well there you are. Didn't say what they had done, just feels weird I guess.
Sorry your ex hasn't had the kids. Mine doesn't seem to want to have much to do with the baby. But he wasn't good with the other two as babies either.
Thanks for replying, just having a woe is me moment...

My daughter rarely wanted to speak to me on the phone too. She still doesn't when she's with my sister or someone. It's a shame he doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with your baby but that could change as the baby gets older. As you said he wasn't good with the other 2 as babies too. It's ok to have a woe is me moment. I have them constantly still. haha It will feel weird for a little while but will get better.

Hi SLC, my DS goes with his father every wednesday and saturday nights. We have been separated for 7 months and it was really difficult at first because i was so used to having him with me 24/7. These days I find it a lot easier because he usually seems happy about going and I really savour the time to catch up on other things or just have a moment of quiet.

Some days are harder than others and lately he hasn't really wanted to go with his dad but he will...so that's a bit tough, i don't know if hes just going through a phase or if there's a reason why or if he just gets bored over there...

I do trust that he is safe there so i guess that helps in a big way. My biggest qualms are that i know they feed him full of junk food and probably let him stay up as late as he wants and get away with whatever else. It pees me off when its not an occasional sleepover he's actually living part of his time there so i wish they would be more authoritarian, but i guess it could be worse so I'm just glad I know he's safe and looked after.

Do you trust that they are being well looked after?

Hi SLC, my DS goes with his father every wednesday and saturday nights. We have been separated for 7 months and it was really difficult at first because i was so used to having him with me 24/7. These days I find it a lot easier because he usually seems happy about going and I really savour the time to catch up on other things or just have a moment of quiet.

Some days are harder than others and lately he hasn't really wanted to go with his dad but he will...so that's a bit tough, i don't know if hes just going through a phase or if there's a reason why or if he just gets bored over there...

I do trust that he is safe there so i guess that helps in a big way. My biggest qualms are that i know they feed him full of junk food and probably let him stay up as late as he wants and get away with whatever else. It pees me off when its not an occasional sleepover he's actually living part of his time there so i wish they would be more authoritarian, but i guess it could be worse so I'm just glad I know he's safe and looked after.

Do you trust that they are being well looked after?

It sounds horrible but i relish my free time! And i have it whenever really, my kids dad sees them whenever he wants and its great he's still such an active part of their lives. We seperated almost a year ago now and it took ages to relax about it all, the custody arrangement was very "strict" but now its very flexible. But I have the same issues in that my son goes to bed whenever the older ones do, they eat crap and he gets away with murder, then when he comes home, any discipline i try to implement goes out the window. Grrr. But they are loved and looked after so really shouldnt complain. Sometimes i have down days and i just call my son to say hi, but its not often. I really do try to enjoy the free time i have, even if its lying on the couch watching the Twilight movies all day lol.

Do you trust that they are being well looked after?

Yeah, I guess I trust that he's looking after them. It's just things like he's at his mum & dads, and the last time he stayed there for a sleepover with the kids, he left them to go out. His parents are entirely unsuitable to be able to look after them on their own. And when he was still here, he never heard the kids if they called out, little things, you know... And the food too. Guess I'll just have to get over it.
So he still doesn't have the baby?