Long story short. My ex and his mother are mental. Started a big big drama over something trival, don't want to see dd, have never seen ds, but it's somehow all my fault, much nonsensical text abuse and a screaming fit at me ensues, and then they tell me his partner doesnt know DS even exsists. She just had hs 3rd daughter 2m younger than my 4mo boy. There is waay more complicated backstory that noone would be interested in trying to understand. Do I bother with trying to have my kids dad in their lives? Or just walk away?

hi, i have a 4 year old dd been a single mum since b4 she was born. for the last 2 years he has been with this gf who make it hard for him or he dont got the balls to stand up to her idk but he became distant, i do all the calls i make the effort, people tell me to walk away. but i feel i cant, its not my place i will never lie to dd but i dont want her to hate me for walking away. i believe its a dicision you and only you can make. doesnt matter who you tell or how many times you tell the story no one will quite understand . im sorry if this is no help at all.

Sounds tough for you both sad

I have no real idea but have heard some ppl find it useful when they stop thinking about themselves or the father and just ask what is best for the kids. You will know as their mum what will be best for them in the long run!

I have a friend who was just telling me yesterday that she wasn't as upset as she usually is about her birthday tomorrow (she usually gets upset because her dad never calls or just doesn't turn up to birthday lunches). Her parents split up 15-20 years ago and her dad's new wife doesn't let him see his kids. My friend is always the one to call him, and the one to remind him when her brother's birthday is. She is the one who organises secret coffee catch ups. She has been so upset at not having the dad she wanted that she has finally told him she will leave it up to him to contact her. He hasn't contacted her.

He tells her that he loves her and the siblings but plays the "it's just so difficult for me to juggle everything" card. As she said, she finally realised that he chose the situation he is in with the new abusive wife, and he is the one choosing to put himself and the new wife above his three kids. She said "I'm so lucky I at least have my mum, even though I don't have the perfect Dad. I'm not going to get the perfect Dad I realise. But everything else in my life is great, so I'm going to stop wasting my energy on him."

Be polite but don't waste your energies on people that aren't prioritising your kids. And don't let them waste their poor little hearts on someone that isn't going to be there for them. If you are making all the effort then they aren't doing their job and you are doing it for them.

Women bear so much, I hope you enjoy every moment with your littlie.

Sorry for rambling, I just thought I should reply - I always find it creepy when there are about 200 views of a topic and only one reply!

Thanks the replies smile It's very overwhelming having to make decisions like this for my kids. I don't think it's my place to make the call as to whether or not their dad is around, but unless he changes drastically I can only see them being hurt. I wish he could just man up and tell me if he wants to be in their lives or not, when he mucks around making excuses about it being my fault I can't just walk away with it in the back of my mind that I could have tried harder for their sake sad

Thanks the replies smile It's very overwhelming having to make decisions like this for my kids. I don't think it's my place to make the call as to whether or not their dad is around, but unless he changes drastically I can only see them being hurt. I wish he could just man up and tell me if he wants to be in their lives or not, when he mucks around making excuses about it being my fault I can't just walk away with it in the back of my mind that I could have tried harder for their sake sad

i completely understand that as dd's dad lives 3 hours away she only ever sees him every few months if not longer. if he wouldnt answer when she was younger i would say daddy is at work / in bed now that she is older i tell her mummy tried to call and daddy didnt answer there is not anything mummy can do. she then asks him why he didnt answer the next time he did answer. and if one day she says mum i dont want to see dad well ill respect those wishes as he has onlyy filled her full of broken promises.