Struggling with Step Kids

Hi out there,

I have been with my husband for 6 years now and we have 2 gorgeous boys together. We met when I was just pregnant with my daughter and reeling from a hideous situation with her father. He has taken it all on and she is his for all intents and purposes. He also has 2 children from a previous relationship. They are now 10 and 8. My problem is that I really can't help but not feel any love for them. I dread the weekends we have them and feel like I'm putting on a show for them every time they come and it is exhausting. My husband knows I really struggle with this and I hate that he has to go through it. I feel so overwhelmed with it all - it has even crossed my mind to walk away because I would never make him choose between me or his children. I am assuming my feelings are from jealousy of some sort but I don't know.

Is anyone else out there feeling like me? Or am I the most hideous person to walk the earth?

Your not a hideous person and it is quite common for blended families to struggle. My husband took on 3 grown teenagers when we married and it has been a struggle sometimes with me in the middle. It has now settled down
as we wait for our little ones arrival. Perhaps you need to talk to
someone outside of the family, a neutral person. I know that Relationships Australia has some very good pamphlets and videos on blended families and they run courses for parents to take in order to help them out. If that isnt what your looking for try to find a cousellor within your area. Sometimes ideas float around in our heads and we just need someone to help sort them out, like keeping a journal of your feelings.

Hope some of this helps you and good luck.
Leanne

I applaud you for being so honest about your feelings. I have 4 step children whom we used to have on a regular fortnightly basis when our relationships was in its first stages. There mother then decided to up root them and move interstate, with the promise of us having them every holidays (including christmas and new year as she had their birthdays) this never worked as is we had them at christmas she wanted new year and we had to pay airfares as well....one came to live with us for a few years then decided to up and leave, now we do not ever see or hear from them as the new partner plays lots of mind games even to the point of sending back presents that we send to them....so they think that we don't want to communicate with them.

They met their sister for the first time when she was 14 months old and that was only through a tragic circumstance. They also promised to stay in touch but we again have tried but still nothing. Why do people put children in the middle? It is not fair on the kids. We are now trying to concentrate on our bub, but it still hurts that we have no communication with his other kids. We love them just as much as our own daughter.

Jealousy can be a green eyed ugly monster, I used to let their dad deal with them when they did something wrong unless they where in my direct care, this way they had more respect for me as I was not trying to take their mother's role.

Good luck and keep your chin up

Al

you are not alone!

when i met my current husband, i did not get too involved with his stepdaughter for a number of reasons. Nearly 2 years into our relationship, she committed suicide.
When he moved in with me - it was just us. then my youngest daughter came to live with us.
It has been a constant challenge to try and get him to not be so selfish. Luckily my teenage daughter understands and is quite mature (which I have conveyed to him).
We now have a 10 week old son together, and I guess you could say that my husband has 'softened around the edges' a little. I actually had my tubes reversed to conceive as I stated to him that he is not the type who will consider anyone to be his child but his own flesh and blood.
It may sound terrible to some , but that is who he is. He did not have what I consider to be a father daughter relationship with his stepdaughter, so why would he have one with mine? Also, I felt the same way about his stepdaughter. He also would never adopt, or foster children.
Gradually I have accepted how he is and that is the key.
Me - I am adopted so my whole outlook is completely opposite to his, and I guess that it is what has made it harder.
Relationships Australia is good value and I speak from experience on a separate issue.

Dont be too hard on yourself - you're only human. Knowing what you are like and admitting it is a huge step wub
Good Luck