DH's ex wants custody..

DH & I have known each other since high school.
Before we became a couple he had been in a relationship with a woman whom he had a daughter with.
They split when DD was 5 months old and DH has cared for her ever since.

His ex visited occasionally but never got too involved.
She moved away when DD was around 14 months old.

DH & I have always been close friends and I often helped with caring for DD..
DD was around 20 months old when DH & I moved into together.

When DD was about 7 we explained that I'm not her 'real' mum as bio mum had been sending birthday cards since her 3rd birthday and continues to do so..

I see DD as my own, treat her as my own & refer to her as my own..
I have known her since she was born. I've been there for all her firsts.. First words, first steps, starting school...

She has never asked about her bio mum and we havn't pushed the subject.

Ex saw DD for the first time in 6 years a month ago and mentioned to DH that she want to be the mum that DD deserves.. blink
That as we have 4 other children she wouldn't receive the attention she should/deserves.. blink

Ex lives interstate & if she did gain custody, we would no longer be able to see DD.. sad

I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation?

(Sorry for going on & on.)

Thanks, Kathy.

Hi

I havent been in a similar situation but do know that the courts look at the best interests of the child... and that being the case it is unlikely the mother would be granted custody as she pretty much has been absent since her child was born and her father has raised her.

I dont think its a matter of mum now changing her mind and deciding she wants her, the court would take into account that you are the only family the child has known, she is with her bio father and extended family (ie you and half siblings)... and lives with you, has a life with school, friends etc.

Whilst its worrying and stressful for the bio mother to now apply for custody ... it would be a long and expensive process for her, it could take up to 2 years to go through the courts and its unlikely she'd be successful. The mother doesnt have any greater parental rights than the father and as the father has had the child since pretty much birth I would think he'd retain custody.

Sounds like too little too late to me, the bio mum cant just change her mind and have her daughter back after abandoning her. Sending cards doesnt make her a parent and how on earth could she justify leaving her child, moving interstate and having minimal contact. The fact that you have several children now has no bearing on the situation.

I agree with happy head and will also add that since she has been absent in her childs life for so long the chances are that this is just a whim and once she realises how much effort will go into it she will probably back off quickly.

Good luck with this, it must be such a hard situation to be in smile

Well, Its a long story but Ill try to shorten it.


When my nephew was born, my sister was 17yrs and she didnt really want a boy, when my nephew was two she gave birth to a little girl, at that point she dumped my nephew at his stepfathers and left the state. My mother then got custody of my nephew. My nephew is now 11yrs old, and my sister hasnt spoken or sent him a card in 8.5yrs.

A few months ago she came out and said she wants to have custody of jacob and blah blah blah...

Anyway courts said no because jacob didnt even know who she was when he saw her... Also they will ask your step daughter if she likes where she lives now, is she happy, what toys does she have, does she love you and do you love her.
They will also ask her real mother questions about her and if the mother cant answer them it makes her look really bad.

They would probally give your step daughters mother 3 or 4 months to get more involed with her daughter or they will sign custody over to your husband

good luck

I think if i were that kid i would prefer to stay with you.
And thats my point the courts will ask her, shes old enough to be asked.
and theres no relationship between her her real mother so her mother would have to go through alot of evaluations before she would even be considered as fit to mother.