Advice

Would like some advice no judging please as this is difficult for me.

My husband & I are going out one night this week for approx 4/12-5hrs he has a 14 year old daughter that lives with us & our 2 1/2 yr old daughter.

Initially the youngest was to stay with his mum & we'll pick her up on the way home. But the oldest wants to look after her. My thought is I don't think any 14 yr old should be left alone at night with a toddler even if only for a few hours, 1 or 2 hours during the day I don't mind as I may be just at gym or ducking down to the shops.

How do I say no without sounding like a bitchy stepmum cause I don't trust her (which I don't really). Hubby reckons she'll be fine, but she does freak out over the smallest things & is paranoid over certain issues (her mum has a lot of mental issues & see some same things with her). eg: freaks out if she hears a noise outside at night & won't go back in her bedroom or the other lounge room by herself.

Also don't know what the legal issues are if something does happen & police/ambulance are called & they notify child services as she is too young.

I know that in NZ there is a legal age which kids can be left at home - may be 14 not sure. But me personally I would only feel comfortable with a 14yo looking after DS if they had looked after him before in the day eg comforted him if he was grizzly etc and was confident on being by themselves at night since they really would be.
Is there anyway that she can look after him during the day for a few hours before you go out so then you can see if she'll be any good or not?

I agree with the PP, is there any way she could watch your DS during the day for a few hours just to see how she copes?

But in saying that i still dont know if i would feel comfortable with it. Maybe you could say something along the lines of its the only chance he gets to see his grandparents every week and that they would be really upset if they didnt get to see him.