Dont think i can do this anymore :(

ok so mainly venting but ive been with my partner 2 1/2 years he has his kids 24 / 7 (no mother contact) his daughter sees me as the enemy and does everything in her power to make me myrisable ... i love my partner and dont want to leave but im not the person i know i use to be im always angry and snapping at people and its making my kids not want to come home from there dads sad i hate the person im becoming we have big plans together but i feel she's just not going to allow it to happen it doesnt matter if i give her everything she wants or if i treat her the way i do all of the kids but all she wants to do is fight i know its going to make my partner upset if i say i cant do this anymore but i feel im getting into a super dark place within myself and am not liking the person im becoming ... his answer is go see the doctor and see if u need antidepressants but there not going to help the problems sad any advice people ? thanks

That's a hard one and I really think you are the only one that can make the decision. If you are so unhappy though I would probably not bother hanging around anymore. You could try anti-depressants but they may not solve the problem or be worth it. Big hugs and good luck.

Big hugs.

I think the two of you need to go and see a councillor and maybe she will let out why she isnt very nice to you. There has to be a reason behind it and it is probably just because you arent her real mum, but the councillor might be able to help her deal with some of the issues that she has.

I agree with the pp, i dont think antidepressants are the answer in this sitation, because its not going to change the way she treats you.

How old is the little girl? I really do feel for kids in her situation. She may feel abandoned by her mother and not want to form another attachment to a mother figure for fear of being hurt again.
Have you tried one on one activities with her? Like a weekly thing that you do together without your DP and your other kids to try and bond?
You could try see a family councillor perhaps who can give you ideas on how better to communicate and interract with her.

While I know your position is a hard one to be in you should look at ways to help the little girl out of this behaviour, make her feel safe and loved and also have your DP help to set boundaries for her behaviour so she knows what is and isn't apprioate. GL

What about family counseling the daughter maybe feeling abandoned by her own mother and you are baring the brunt of it. Does your DP realise how hurtful his daughter is to you or does he brush it off? By the sounds of it hes brushing it off as your problem not a family issue as all the kids stand to be hurt in this scenario.

thanks guys smile shes almost 8 (attitude of 16) she hasnt seen her mum in 4 years ish and i have tried 1 on 1 but as soon as the other kids are back she starts again sad he knows what shes like but she settles down most of the time when hes around but she'll be at me all afternoon then we'll get home her dads there so she settles down for a bit then starts again so then its like its continuing from earlier so by this stage ive had enough so i go off and he just says u 2 need to sort ur problems out ... he has been telling her she need to stop but she doesnt listen ... even when i talk calmly or ask her nicely she claims im yelling or picking on her... were due to move in together in next few weeks thought it would sort everything out as it'll be my house as well so rules will be in place as now they share rooms between the 2 houses when there together (2 girls share and 2 boys share) i just dont know what to do anymore sad i feel i need to try the new house new rules thing but part of me doesnt think its going to help :0/ but thank you ladies smile

and weve talked about councelling she was doing it at school as shes no better there but it doesnt change her at all sad

how long have u and ur partner been together???

when my dad sperated from my mum i was 2 and a half and all my life he was in and out of relationships and going into each one head first and as kids we found it really hard to accept.


mayb she just needs more time, mayb she wants to spend more time with her dad and is worried that the relationship u have with him is only going to get in the way of that even more. also its probably at its worst atm because she is obviouslt anxious about the fact that u guys are moving in very soon and she sounds like she is struggling to deal with it.


at the end of the day if u are to seperate because of this i dont see it as her fault. i think her father needs to be responsible for finding a resolution. if u and him are not on the same page and he is fobbing the issues off as urs instead of standing united with u then that is the real issue.
instead of sitting her down seperatly it would be most effective for the three of u to sit down and for u and ur partner to show u support each other and are in agreeance that her behaviour is not acceptable. none of it is going to work untilhe supports you though so i would leave her out of it for now and hash things out with him. then if and when u and ur patner are on the same page u can sit down and talk to her together.

good luck.

Not sure if it'll make you feel better, but I was a right little b*tch to my step mother when I was younger. I still loved her to peices but the step mother is an easy target gasp the only thing that i could suggest is DONT treat her the same. Leave decisions to dad and co-habit with rather that parent her. Treat her like a niece ( but that doesnt mean bow down)

Hi,
I so know your problem, I have been going through the same thing with my stepson for the last 7 1/2 years. I seen my doc and she suggested seeing a family psychologist, who has worked wonders. We both went and finally the stepson went and it worked out that he had ADHA. My partner and I are now on the same page when it comes to our rules in our house and it has only just happened this week, but my partner has said that if he doesn't want to show respect and follow the rules of our house then perhaps he needs to go back to his mothers, which we know for a fact that he doesn't actually enjoy it at his mothers house. Its so hard when other kids are involved as well.

I hope that it all works out for you, I seriously feel your pain.