It's all good I'll wait...
You back? Awesome smile
Well, here's the reader's digest of the situation:
Girl meets boy... girl is horrified by boy's disgusting family but is "in love" and tries not to let it bother her. Girl drops out of uni to have boy's baby. Boy turns out to be abusive, lying cheating alcoholic. Girl (stupidly) forgives boy over and over and continues relationship for a total of 5 years. Girl has 2nd baby, finally gets up the courage to leave boy.
Girl struggles for 2+ years. Finally manages to get decent house, DD settled in school, starts relationship with man who treats her like a human being instead of property / punching bag. Girl falls unexpectedly pregnant, moved to be closer to man, but both agree not to force a relationship and remain separate for the time being.
You with me so far? Told you it was a long one smile Don't worry, I'm getting to the point...
I've always said I would never stop DD and DS from seeing their father and his family. It took me a long time to allow him overnight access, but now that he is working full time, drinking less and in a stable relationship with someone responsible I'm finding myself looking forward to their weekends there (rare... maybe once every 2-3 months) as they give me a break.
The problem is his sister who doesn't seem to understand boundaries at all. She has ABSOLUTELY no life of her own and seems to think she has "rights" to my kids.
She is constantly asking to have them for a week over the holidays etc. But in times when I have allowed this in the past, she has not looked after them at all. She has left them alone with her father who is VERY sick, needing constant oxygen and is frequently rushed to hospital in a critical condition. He should really be in full time care himself (but this chick won't allow it as she'll lose her carer's payment and *gasp* have to get a job) so how is he a fit carer for (at the time) a toddler and a preschooler?
They're also frequently coming home sick, DD had a severe case of diarrhoea last time she stayed there and (deducing from the time line she gave me) had had it for at least 4 days, with no treatment and eating nothing but fruit loops and kfc. She ended up having a GI bleed because this numpty is too stupid to realise that runny poo = sick child in need of fluids and "tummy friendly" foods NOT fatty fried chicken and sugary cereal!!!
Anyway, Ex DP came over on the weekend to visit the kids (no drama, we get along well and he'd called to arrange it) and brought over bags of stuff from "Aunty" ... a heap of stuff she's crocheted, some presents from the op shop (I'm an op-shopper myself, but I love hunting for a bargain... something cute and in good condition. These ppl just buy bags of crap and think they're helping) and some Easter eggs.
Sounds nice and I don't mean to be unappreciative, but now I have a house full of cheap disgusting chocolate, $2 shop toys and FUGLY blankets that I really DON'T want. She also sent over knitted socks which have been the cause of at least 3 slip-and-falls on the kitchen tiles. I WANT THEM GONE! At 36 weeks pg, I'm having enough trouble keeping a household running by myself with 2 kids... the last thing I need is a heap of crap and a child with a split skull!!!
I guess the last straw was ExDP announcing that she's making a blanket for the new baby and they're all planning to come and see me in hospital and "want to take the kids off my hands" for the first week of the holidays (a week after bub is due). The thought of it just made my skin crawl. Have tolerated his family because I feel it's important for the kids to have a relationship with both sides, but they're being really intrusive and I feel I can't say anything because they THINK they're being helpful.
Now I really am getting to the point
I know... I said that last time, but I'm almost done, I promise!
I just want them to back off without seeming mean and ungrateful, but the more I try the harder they push to be in the kids lives. I understand where thwy are coming from and don't want to cut them off altogether, but I feel I'm running out of options. Why should I have to accommodate them at the expense of my own happiness and (in the case of sleepovers there) how can I tell them I feel they're risking my children's health and safety without it creating tension b/w myself and their dad, and causing a major rift that the kids end up feeling stuck in the middle of? If that makes sense?
Sorry for the novel... I'm done nnnnnnn... now smile