i come here to talk to all you wonderful people because i can't turn to my family and i don't have very many friends.
I went through alot with my first to cut a long story my pregnancy was fine all the way through exept hospital would not admit me and in the end they have seconds to get my son out befor he died i was in labour for 4 days and had been in and out of the hospital about 6 times and on the 7th time my mother came with me and told them if they did not admit me they would be dealing with her and her lawyers but yet again they told me to go home have sleeping tablets and take some pain meds. befor they worked out i was not joking around it was my body cause it was not coping with having my son. So after he was born i got PND i kept it to myself and in the end it did damage not only to me but my hubby and my son. For the first 6 months of my sons life i kept him way from his father and would not leave him alone i trusted noone around him and when people said they would take him so i could get some rest i told them no. I think for myself it was because of the things that happend to both me and my son that made me feel like this. but to this day i know i hurt my hubby and not telling him what was going through or how i felt hurt him to.
When i found out we was having our second child i was over the moon but about 30 week into my pregnancy it hit me that it could all happen again and i never wanted it to happen again or loose my son.
The hospital in which i had my frist son did not write down what went wrong with my body or nothing at all when i booked into appointments with my second their was no notes on my first and because of this i was worried what would happen to my baby. I went to a diffrent hospital because i creyd that i could not go back their and the hospital in which i had my second son had said they would not let me or my baby down but it was hard to know what went wrong with my first with out the note or any information as to why i never had contractions like normal or why i never felt my waters breake.
So when i went into labour with my second son hubby took me to the hospital and they said to go home and come back when the contractions was closer together. so the next day i told hubby to take me back their because i was so worried when i walked into the hospital (hubby had to drop my son off to his mums who lived across the rd) i was on my own and not strong and i knew hubby would be back over in 10 mins i walked up to the counter and i was crying that much i could not breath good. the midwife had said "dear what is happening come here love" and took me into a room i said "this is what happend with my first son me contractions was all over the place one time it was half an our appart the next 2 mins then the next 10 mins etc" she said to me "ok i am going to admit you and get a doctor to come down and check you all out. you will not be going home now you are going to have this baby" about 5 hours in a room with these contractions all over the place and them making me push when i was trying to fall asleep as i had not slept much and was just over tired to be having a baby. Cut a long story short the doctor came over to my room after i had my son by yet another emergnacy c-section at 3am in the morning and said i have all your notes here and this will never happen again.
He had told me that the first hospital was very wrong not to wirte down anything that ever happend to me and all of that because this could of all stoped and sorted if it was not for my first hospital trying to cover up what they had done wrong.
Now thanks to the second hospital i know that for a fact i have a small pelvic bone and am unable to deliver my baby and have to have a c-section.
But i am still worried over the fact all this happend with both sons will this 3rd pregnancy (only 9 weeks) be good at then end i am going to the same hospital with my son and i am worried about what will happen. i don't get my first appointment their for another month and a bit.
is it normal to feel stressed about this and what can i do to make myself stop worrieing about it all and just have a wonderful last pregnancy.
p.s while getting my second son out because he got stuck in my pelvic bone they had to cut me across and then in the inside up as well so they could get him out (think it was called the t cut) and am worried what its going to do with this one
TTC a baby girl