Its so hard hearing them complain/ grizzle hey? My plunket nurse told me that it is through frustration that they learn to problem solve which I thought was pretty good advice. Not saying to leave her on the floor when she is screaming, but see if you can persevere a little bit more smile
Plunket may not be able to give you all the support you need but part of their job is to screen and refer - they will be able to send you to the right professionals to help your DD a bit more IF she needs it, also will be able to suggest the same in regards to your anxiety.
Don't know what else to say but I really feel for you! Sounds really hard and would stress me out as well. Doesn't help when people make comments hey?