PND, guilty, worried & anxious all the time

I am currently struggling with pnd for the 2nd time with my 2nd bub. I'm really struggling to cope and everyday things seem to get harder. My first bub screamed all day everyday until 4months old, rarely slept during the day & woke frequently at night & I really struggled not knowing how to help him... 2nd time around I thought there was no way things would be as bad as I had learnt so much with my first.

But sadly this isn't the case. My 2nd bub is now 12weeks old & although she doesn't scream, she also doesn't sleep much, and doesn't feed very well. On top of this I also have a very demanding 2&1/2 yr old on my hands. I guess I am feeling a big ripped off, I thought I was doing everything right with #2 to avoid these problems, ie. starting a routine from early days, putting her to sleep in her bed only etc but she is still so difficult. She doesn't sleep over 1 cycle & often only 20mins at a time. At night she used to be great & sleep 7:30-4 then back to sleep til 7 but now that is out the window too & I am up most days from 3am or earlier. I was coping ok until her sleep got worse at night, & I think exhaustion is compounding the way I think about it.

I desperately wanted to bf her & struggled with it for 2 months before giving up, I am so sad about it, and feel like such a failure. She now fusses on bottles instead!

I am so lucky to have a husband who is home by 5 most days & my parents live close by but I still struggle so much. I then feel so silly that I feel this way cuz I have so much support around me, and 2 beautiful healthy kids but I just can't stand it. The thing is, I have to put up with it cuz what choice doG I have? I then find myself dropping 1 or the other of them to my mum most days cuz I can't cope, then I just feel terribly guilty for doing that! I also feel like my husband does not understand the way I feel, & is jut constantly disappointed in me for not being able to cope.

I feel like I have to make an effort to enjoy my beautiful children, and it should just come naturally, most of the last few days all I have wanted to do is hide in my room & cry, but of course I can't! I find myself cringing when I hear one of them wake up in the morning cuz I just want this phase to be over! I just constantly feel on edge, angry (maybe at my husband for wanting a2nd baby, at myself for not being able to cope, at my 2yr old for being high maintenance, and at god for giving me another baby that is so difficult), and guilty. Please tell me this will pass soon.

I feel sad for you that you feel this way. But it will be ok!!

Go and see your doctor ASAP.

If they don't give you solutions, then go to a different doctor until you find someone who listens to you - and more importantly helps you.

You don't have to put up with this.

http://www.depression.org.nz/

Good luck, and remember everything works out in the end - it just might not be easy getting there.

I feel sad for you that you feel this way. But it will be ok!!

Go and see your doctor ASAP.

If they don't give you solutions, then go to a different doctor until you find someone who listens to you - and more importantly helps you.

You don't have to put up with this.

http://www.depression.org.nz/

Good luck, and remember everything works out in the end - it just might not be easy getting there.

Thanks, I have seen my gp & she is wonderful, I have an appointment this week for a psychologist, just not sure it will help cuz I just feel it is do directly related to how settled my baby is - if she randomly has a good day, I feel fine, just a shame that most days aren't good!

Great, that's a start.

Not sure if you are in NZ, but maybe ask Plunket (or the OZ equivalent) for baby settling tips etc. Or ask your Mum (or a close mate) for honest advice on how you do things - sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees as they say, and it might be something simple that you can change.

Exhaustion plays a huge part, and men totally under estimate the effect it has on day to day life.

Hi Shazamataz,

Have you thought about going to Tresillian or QEII for help with the settling? They can take you on as a residential patient for a few days and help you develop techniques for getting your second bub to sleep a bit better. This would also be a bit of a break for you if you can leave bub number one with your parents.

Don't feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed, we might be born with the 'parts' to have a baby but it isn't as simple as it is sometimes made out to be. Babies don't seem interested in following 'rules'! The fact that you are seeking help and expressing yourself on this forum shows you are a wonderful mum trying the best you can.

Give yourself a break and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Good luck, take care of yourself!

Hi Shazamataz,

Have you thought about going to Tresillian or QEII for help with the settling? They can take you on as a residential patient for a few days and help you develop techniques for getting your second bub to sleep a bit better. This would also be a bit of a break for you if you can leave bub number one with your parents.

Don't feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed, we might be born with the 'parts' to have a baby but it isn't as simple as it is sometimes made out to be. Babies don't seem interested in following 'rules'! The fact that you are seeking help and expressing yourself on this forum shows you are a wonderful mum trying the best you can.

Give yourself a break and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Good luck, take care of yourself!

I have an appt in 2 weeks at a sleep school near me but it is only a day stay. I went with my first & have been doing the same technique with my new one but it is very intense. So I'm not sure it will help but I'll give it a go. I am just venting! Doesn't help that my toddler now refuses to nap for me, is fine when my husband is home, do I get no down time. He is currently having 'quiet time' in his room that involves him opening & closing his window to yell out to the dog... Really helps to get the baby to sleep in the room next to him!

Anyway, thanks for the tips, I just wish I lived somewhere with a decent sleep school nearby or that I could pay a reasonable amount to get a specialist to come & help me.