not sure how much longer I can cope.

I don't know how much longer I can cope with everything. I just want to bury my head in the sand/crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head and pretend the whole world doesn't exist for a while but I can't.

My grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia about 6 months ago. I watched her go from someone who was incredibly active and independent to someone who could barely walk in an incredibly short space of time. On Good Friday she fell and hit her head. That caused a bleed into her brain which wouldn't stop because of the treatment she'd been having for the leukemia. She chose to go into palliative care on the Easter Saturday and a few weeks ago she passed away in her sleep. I'm struggling to deal with this and getting so short with my kids, especially my daughter who keeps talking about how much she misses my grandmother.

I haven't been coping that well with the kids for a while now and a few months ago I finally admitted to myself that the pnd/depression I'd had after having my DD had never really gone away, I'd just been managing it, sort of. I've started back seeing a counsellor but I'm just not being the mum I want to be to my kids. I know I need a chance for a break from my kids (don't get my wrong, DH is fantastic helping out every chance he can but I miss the time that's just DH and I) but find it so hard to ask people for help. We're trying to move closer to family for the extra support but DH is finding it hard to get his boss to let him go (we're hoping to transfer to a different location with his employer) so the move won't happen until next year at the earliest.

DH has been having a lot of health issues lately and has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so we're in the process of trying to sort that out.

To top things off, we've just been told the FIL has a large mass on one of his lungs and, given his history of smoking (although he quit 5.5 yrs ago) his dr is fairly certain its going to be lung cancer and from comments FIL has made he's going to make some hard decisions about treatment options if that diagnosis is confirmed (he's asked us to respect his decisions even if we don't agree with them).

I really want to support DH as much as I can as we work through the potential diagnosis for FIL etc but I just don't know that I'm strong enough for this.

I'll be seeing my counsellor on Thursday and definatly talking everything through with her then, I just had to get this out somewhere before then and didn't want to put even more burdens onto my DH.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read.

Leisa.

I can't help much but I wanted to say that you are a brave women, and sound like your doing well considering.
I do get what you mean about asking for help, I won't ask for help even when I really need it as well,
If you just wanna talk flick me a message *GBH*

Oh you poor bugger sad I have no advice to offer, I just couldn't read this and not reply. I just want to wish you all well and I hope you can get through your PND smoothly, and hope for the best for you, sending big hugs your way!

wow you certainly have alot on your plate right now, and its great that youve made that inital connection that your having trouble coping and want to get s little help, it took me a long time to get that far when i had PND. its the first step on your way to feeling much better smile

i found concentraing on ONE issue even something very little that i COULD change made me feel better and more in control, for example you cant change your FILs diagnosis so dont stress on it, just wait and see what the drs say, theres not point stressing something you have no control over (easier said then done i know) so find a little something you can do, maybe redecorate your girls rooms and include something beautiful to remind them of grandma? a nicely framed photo or an angel mobile to watch over them. getting a positive project that you have full control over and that will also help your girls might get you mind on a more positive plane to cope with the other issues.

if you cant move until next year, accept that and try to stop stressing on it, it will come around sooner then you think smile maybe make a point of spending the next few months at you current location making some memories before you move, go for a some family walks or to a restaurant in the area youve not been too. it will help the time pass too

all in all youll get there, you poor thing it must be so exhausting for you xxx love and light

Oh hun I'm so sorry to hear how much you are dealing with at the moment sad. Sending big hugs your way. Keep your chin up XX

Hey mate,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. It may help you to feel more in control of the situation by doing a few small things in response to what is happening. For example, you could spend a bit of time looking at ways to manage Diabetes and help your DH set up a new dietary and exercise plan. Maybe you can get the kids to draw a card for your FIL to help brighten his day. Just small ideas and I have no doubt you have limited time....

If you're worried about how you are coping, please chat with someone. The fact that you are seeking help on this forum demonstrates what a great mum and person you are so don't be concerned about that. Your mental and emotional health is an absolute priority.

Best of luck and take care.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Feeling much more on top of things today - FIL went to see a specialist yesterday who said that he's 70% certain that the lump is from Pneumonia and is pumping fil up with antibiotics for 3 weeks then doing another scan to check the size of the lump. Its a massive weight off everyone to have a very real explanation for the lump that doesn't involve cancer. Will just have to see what happens in 3 weeks time now.

Leisa.