My grandmother was diagnosed with leukemia about 6 months ago. I watched her go from someone who was incredibly active and independent to someone who could barely walk in an incredibly short space of time. On Good Friday she fell and hit her head. That caused a bleed into her brain which wouldn't stop because of the treatment she'd been having for the leukemia. She chose to go into palliative care on the Easter Saturday and a few weeks ago she passed away in her sleep. I'm struggling to deal with this and getting so short with my kids, especially my daughter who keeps talking about how much she misses my grandmother.
I haven't been coping that well with the kids for a while now and a few months ago I finally admitted to myself that the pnd/depression I'd had after having my DD had never really gone away, I'd just been managing it, sort of. I've started back seeing a counsellor but I'm just not being the mum I want to be to my kids. I know I need a chance for a break from my kids (don't get my wrong, DH is fantastic helping out every chance he can but I miss the time that's just DH and I) but find it so hard to ask people for help. We're trying to move closer to family for the extra support but DH is finding it hard to get his boss to let him go (we're hoping to transfer to a different location with his employer) so the move won't happen until next year at the earliest.
DH has been having a lot of health issues lately and has just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes so we're in the process of trying to sort that out.
To top things off, we've just been told the FIL has a large mass on one of his lungs and, given his history of smoking (although he quit 5.5 yrs ago) his dr is fairly certain its going to be lung cancer and from comments FIL has made he's going to make some hard decisions about treatment options if that diagnosis is confirmed (he's asked us to respect his decisions even if we don't agree with them).
I really want to support DH as much as I can as we work through the potential diagnosis for FIL etc but I just don't know that I'm strong enough for this.
I'll be seeing my counsellor on Thursday and definatly talking everything through with her then, I just had to get this out somewhere before then and didn't want to put even more burdens onto my DH.
Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read.