What exactly can be done to help?

Hi All, I'm new to this so hope I don't bore anyone with my venting.

I have a 3 yr old girl and with her I felt amazing the whole way through the pregnancy and afterwards I felt great too.
I now have a 3 month old baby boy and I just feel urgh. Not constantly. But if I'm honest, it's most of the time. It's frustrating to be feeling great one minute and absolutely rotten the next.
I'm pretty sure I was depressed during the pregnancy too but I had put it down to the stress of certain things happening at that time. To start with I live in Aus with my husband (an aussie) but ALL my family live in the UK. I have always had a rotten time with friends and do not feel as though I have a particularly good support network over here bar my husbands family but you know, they are his family so not really 'a break'... then my Grandads health declined rapidly and he was hospitalised on multiple occasions... then my residency visa was declined (my own fault but still, very stressful to a pregnant lady!) oh and finally my husbands 15 yr old daughter decided to move in with us which was great but unfortunately resulted in many disputes and harrassment from her mother. Add financial difficulties into that mix and you can understand why I wasn't feeling my best!
I probably knew I wasnt feeling great shortly after my sons birth. I wasn't overly fussy over him. I was happier for him to be in his cot than in my arms which is the total opposite of how I felt with my daughter. And about a week in and I was having difficulties breast feeding and was having psycho thoughts and urges making me feel like I was going to harm the baby. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE both of my children and would never deliberately harm them. However these waves of anger and hatred flow through me and make me want to throw the baby off me or pinch him or force the dummy into his mouth. As soon as I think it, the thoughts gone, but I'm so scared that in that nano second I might actually do something. I have punched the wall a couple of times...
I'm rambling here now.
Today I am feeling particular down. All over the weekend all I wanted to do was to leave the kids with my husband and lock myself in my bedroom and curl up into a ball and be forgotten about. Today I feel dizzy and exhausted and as though something is sucking the life out of me. A very dark place.
Also, I just rang my husband at work and asked if he was planning on going out after work and he said yes. When I told him I was having one of my 'bad' days he said I should just suck it up and get on with it. I really wish itI was that easy and I can't explain to him how bad I am feeling as I dont want him to think I am a bad mother or that I'm going to up and leave or anything.
I know that I have PND, I have accepted that. I have no money to see a psych though and really, what is that going to acheive?!

Katie, I'm so sorry you feel this way sad

Is it possible for you to find a bulk billing GP and be referred for some free counselling? I know there are waiting lists but perhaps getting on one is a good start? Also, they might suggest going on some from of medication to help get things back in balance? I've not had PND but have been treated for depression in the past and I know how debillitating it is. It's great that you have identified what the issue is and are accepting of it. I would say the next step is to get some professional help.

Sometimes talking about stuff does really help, even though it feels like it won't. I'm sorry I can't be more help, I hope things improve for you!

Having been exactly where you are now I completely understand. Only I had it with my first baby and all good with my second. A psych can definitely help. I've seen one before my son was born and it was amazing to be able to get everything out to someone who doesn't judge and who can't tell a soul. A psychologist is free if you get a referral from a gp. The hardest part is going to the gp and asking for an appointment.

I don't need to go into how much you need help and how you don't need to feel that way... you already know that. However all I want to tell you is that I didn't go and get help. My daughter missed out on a healthy normal mother for the first two years of her life. What you are experiencing now are the exact memories that I have of my daughter. I don't have good memories of a beautiful baby.... and its the biggest regret of my life. I would do ANYTHING to go back and change those memories.

Don't think about it, just book the appointment and don't overthink it. They won't tell you you're an idiot, they won't tell you you're making it up, they won't tell you to suck it up, they won't misunderstand you and try to take your kids away. They will help you and you won't regret it for a minute. Please do it!

I sent you a follow request so I can send you a message. There's more I could talk about but I don't want to do it here.

chalys 'n' J wrote:
Having been exactly where you are now I completely understand. Only I had it with my first baby and all good with my second. A psych can definitely help. I've seen one before my son was born and it was amazing to be able to get everything out to someone who doesn't judge and who can't tell a soul. A psychologist is free if you get a referral from a gp. The hardest part is going to the gp and asking for an appointment. I don't need to go into how much you need help and how you don't need to feel that way... you already know that. However all I want to tell you is that I didn't go and get help. My daughter missed out on a healthy normal mother for the first two years of her life. What you are experiencing now are the exact memories that I have of my daughter. I don't have good memories of a beautiful baby.... and its the biggest regret of my life. I would do ANYTHING to go back and change those memories. Don't think about it, just book the appointment and don't overthink it. They won't tell you you're an idiot, they won't tell you you're making it up, they won't tell you to suck it up, they won't misunderstand you and try to take your kids away. They will help you and you won't regret it for a minute. Please do it! I sent you a follow request so I can send you a message. There's more I could talk about but I don't want to do it here.

Chalys, are there long waiting lists for free psychs though? I had a referral from my GP and went to 4 appointments over the past few months. Even with the referral it cost me $130 up front and I got about $75 back from medicare. Private health funds also no longer contribute anything.

When you see your GP mention you want help from the mental health care plan. You recieve 5 or 6 free appointments and then if the therapist sees fit, you go back to your gp for 5 or 6 more (sorry not sure if it's 5 or 6). Every 12 months you can repeat the process for free sessions.

For me I was called the very next day after I saw the gp and got into see them in the same week. They do a triage system of sorts, and if you urgently require help (if they feel yours or your child's life is in immediate danger) you will be prioritised.

I live in the country so it may not be as fast as mine was in other areas. My appointments were absolutely 100% free. And I was given 12 free appointments for the year, enough to see them once a month.

I can't say whether this is the same everywhere - your best bet is to see a gp and ask them.

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for all your kind responses. It does help to just vent it out.
I also sat my husband down last night and really told him whats what. No more of this 'suck it up' attitude as it doesn't help. He explained that he just quite simply doesn't know how to help and finds it frustrating that I'm showing a completely different personality at the moment... I told him that it's uncontrolable and just as frustrating for me!
I think I will go to see the GP. I'm really against medication for it though, I worry that I will never get off them or never quite be myself whilst I am pumping artificial happiness into my body... has anyone actually taken depression meds?
I do love my babies and looking into their gorgeous faces pulls me out of my slump... momentarily. As soon as I start over-thinking things I'm back in the dark again.
It's nice (and sad) to find that so many people are going through or have been through the same thing. For someone like me, who is usually such a self-assured person, it's really hard to come to terms with.

Hi,

I have Postnatal depression and I am on medication for it. Have been from about 3 weeks after my 5month old daughter was born. I wasn't a big fan of going on the medication as I have been on and off them for most of my life since I was about 15.(I am now 26) It was the best decision for me going on the medication as it helps regulate my moods. I am able to be a better mum to my daughter because of it.
I got a mental health care plan and see a psychologist and have to pay a $40 gap.

What I find helps was getting out to see people at groups, etc. Talking to people about it and getting a trusted friend to look after my baby so I can have a break. My DH doesn't help much.

Ask for help. You are stronger than you know. smile