Not coping and feeling guilty anyone else?

So our little girl is amazing and I would not trade my horrible pregnancy and scary EMCS for the world as she is amazing but recently due to being ill with post par tum eclampsia, not being able to lose weight for three months til i can swim and go to the gym and being pain and constant discomfort with the headaches, haemorrhoids and bowel issues and C-sec recovery which hurts internally as the scar is fine, so all of that added to the depression that is fogging up my brain and making me detached from reality. I want to runaway and hide just for a day or two and sleep for 48 hours. I have social pressures and mums and bibs club once a week and plunket and family start coming round once a week too and my birthday is coming up so i cannot wait to go away for the weekend while my wonderful parents look after baby summer but I feel guilty about that too.

Whenever I force myself to meet a friend with taking baby I get sick and all the eclampsia symptoms come back like high blood pressure, high temp of 38degrees and flashing lights, spots and terrible headaches that wont go and post partum eclampsia symptoms are the same as pre eclampsia. so all of it is circumstantial depression you know? so all of the sickness and pressure is adding to it, I am also not eating due to being depressed and having an eating disorder I want to lose the massive 30kilos I gained but only lost ten so far due to losing the fluid from having baby but my hands have not gone down swelling wise, my ankles have finally gone down but not my fat fingers :/ and to top it off my baby girl has colic and constipation and needs expensive remedies which we cannot afford since husband has no job. the infacol is cheap and works great for colic but not for constipation but the rhugar which does work is 40 dollars and it was not working for colic so we do need both. I feel guilty as she was three weeks early and small and I think its my fault I cannot breast feed or look after her more

my husband and parents do the bulk of the work and she does know i am her mummy but i cannot look after her as much as i would like and that brings on the guilt :/

what can I do?

I am on the highest amount of medication for my particular antidepressant that I can be on and an anti anxiety medication (clonazepam, stronger than diazepam) and still get the depressive feelings :/ when will things get better mentally???

Hi, just wanted to pop in and say I'm sorry you are going through this very rough time. You've obviously got a lot on your plate and all the different issues are feeding into each other. I don't think there is going to be a 'quick fix' to all your issues. I will say, don't worry about the weight at this stage, you're only 3 weeks pp and while we all want to look amazing straight after having a baby it isn't reality. I read somewhere recently that it takes the average mum about 13 months to be back to her physical best after having a baby, so be kind on yourself. I think you need to get back to the GP about your medical issues with the eclampsia - no wonder you are struggling if you are feeling so rotten and while you're at the GP I would be asking if there is some heavily rebated or free counselling services for post natal depression. Even mums who have a normal delivery and don't have all the complications you are experiencing feel teary, overwhelmed, tired and out of touch with reality for the first couple of months. I think you will find that once you are physically coping better that you will start to emotionally feel better too, or at least be in more of a capacity to work on that. You need to be kind to yourself about the breastfeeding - I whole heartedly support breastfeeding but it's not always possible, although at 3 weeks pp you may be able to reestablish your supply if you are really wanting to. I'd really encourage you to bring these issues up with your doctor and just take it day by day for now and don't feel pressured to go out or be super mum. I hope it starts to get easier for you soon

So sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time... I don't really have much advice, just wanted to say great big hug to you. Coping with a little newborn is hard enough without all the added stresses, so just try not to put too much pressure on yourself to want to loose the weight too quick, just concentrate on eating healthy and getting enough rest and if you can just go for a little walk everyday with your little one.

And don't feel quilty or be too proud to ask for help from family and friends to help out with bubs until your feeling better. And if you're not already, maybe consider talking to a professional to help you deal with your feelings of depression and eating disorder.

All the best, hope your feeling better soon smile

Skubala has some good points and I compeletely agree with her. Please don't worry about your weight just yet. Your body needs to recover from the Cesarean first and its recommended to wait at least 6 weeks even more before you start trying to excercise and stuff to lose it. Your body needs the nutrition also. It will come off eventually smile Don't worry about not being able to breastfeed either, there are many mum's who can't or even choose not to do it. You have your reasons for why you do what you do and everyone else who dosn't like it should mind there own business. A good tip for constipation which also costs nothing at all is to give her some warm water with brown sugar. I have heard of many people giving it to there babys and it works a treat, Maybe try changing the formula to???

Do your parents know how your feeling? I read that you live with them in another post. Since you see them more often than most maybe ask them for a bit of support. Surely they would help you out?

And like the other ladies suggested going to the GP or a few counselling session could be very beneficial. (Maybe one of your family members could come along also) There is no shame in it at all. If it means you can get better then I would go for it. smile Things will get better. The first few weeks take some getting use to, and it is hard having a Cesarean as well but honestly you adjust.
grin

hey ladies thanks for your advice, its nice just to be able to vent via keyboard lol
I have monthly psychiatric appointments and counselling once a week but that does not start until after the school holidays on the 17th sad

Just wanted to give you a big hug. Can you chat to doc about changing meds? I had tried a few over the years and kept changing till we found the right combo (Zoloft, epilm and seroquel). It took a long time but we got there, combining meds with seeing my psychologist and doing any excersice I could get motivated to do.

I'm not on meds now, managing it other ways.

You will get there, this is not forever. Try not to feel guilty, you are doing well. Keep going to your appointment and getting out as much as you can and take your meds and you will come good. Pregnancy, labour and motherhood are tough on your mind and body so take your time and allow yourself to heal.

Hugs x

hang in there muma
your doing a great job
you sound like a lovelly person , try and go for a walk with bubs daily if you can improves mood and is the same as low stimilant anti depressent if you can do 30 minutes a day
have that special time with bubs one on one
she loves you very much and its not your fault you cant breastfeed is not for everyone
hang in there it does GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, how are you doing today?

Just wanted to add that some formulas can make babies constipated, so maybe try using a different brand, instead of having to buy expensive remedies,, and I used Infacol as well for my little one that had colic..

Remember be kind to yourself and things will get better in time smile

Thank you Khmum well i think she actually has an immature gut as we have been using karicare since she was first born in hosptial and she loved it for the first two weeks so its odd that she would suddenly stop being able to tolerate it. Well the medications are kicking in well and my period arrived so aside from being painful and much heavier than my lochia I feel mentally a bit better like my body is getting itself together again. I think its immature gut as she is throwing up a lot, not projectile though and she does not scream and cry much, her poo is normal and not green or runny so I'll see what the doc says on weds, and on sunday evening I have a lovely night planned just with my hubby for my birthday, parents are looking after baby grin

Hi there,
Sounds like you are getting there! Like all the other ladies are saying - big hugs and try taking every day as it comes - don't look too far ahead!
My little boy was born prem too (28 weeks) and he had lots of gut/constipation issues - massage worked wonders for him - i would massage him every day at nappy change time - clockwise motions on his belly with quite a firm hand - I also used prune juice - not from the supermarket as it has heaps of sugar in it! But just get someone to get you some prunes from the super market and boil a few up in a bit of water - then i fed him a bit of the juice. Failing that, we got laculose from the doctor (and a bit stronger is coloxyl - not sure how you spell it! - but also free from the doc.) AND then if none of that works - the doc would sometimes give my wee man an enema if he hadn't been in 15 days.
Anyway hope that helps - good luck with your gorgeous bubs and be kind on yourself, just take small steps - babies are hard work!!!!
Leanne
smile

hey thanks for the advice grin i did not know you could use lactulose on a baby? but so far rhugar is working but I will ask the doctor for baby lactulose if i can but she is okay, she had her jabs and its been hard as my husband is full on and really been amazing with her and fed her after her injections and I just did not feel much when she was crying even though I hated seeing her in pain but My mental health just has me feeling very numb toward her, I'm hoping and praying with help from counsellors and my psychiatrist it should be okay in about three months but its still a long time to wait as i have to wait three months until I can work out at the gym. Its so tiring being a parent

You are having a terrible time, I really feel for you. As other have said Formula may be causing constipation. My DD was supplemented with formula due to low milk supply. SHe also used Karicare from week 3 and was fine until 2 weeks later, then she started vomiting it up, also the breastmilk. My child health nurse suggested getting Karicare thickener and I could mix with breast milk and formula. You can also buy thickened Karicare (which I went on to) She thrived and the weight piled on. She still vomited occasionally until she was about 4months, but nothing like before. (about 1-2 times daily, and not as much) My Child Health nurse also recommended the Brauer range for colic, which was a life saver as we saw a difference within 10mins of giving it. It gets rid of pain, although doesn't get rid of wind, Exercises were more productive than infacol for us. Its fairly cheap (around $8). Chat to your Dr as you may need meds adjusted, Hormones will be changing all the time over next few months so requirements may also change. As others have said don't worry about weight at this time. You should be looking at at least 6 weeks pp before considering weight, slight dietary changes, 3-4months before strenous exercise. At the moment eat what your body tells you within reason, it's trying to adapt itself to heal itself. Also remember antidepressants can have an effect on water retention. Also not taking or changing antidepressents can also cause depression. Plus you have had a baby. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are doing great. Chat to us here... we all love having a general bitch about our lives when we are feeling down. But will also cheer for you on the good moments, which gradfually will come more and more often.