Hey all i have recently given birth to my beautiful son Lewis 3/1/12 i was 33weeks and developed pre-clampsia which got worse by the hour so i had a emergency c-section.
Today i returned home from hospital but Lewis is still in hospital and will be for around 7 weeks im feeling a bit down because i dont have my baby right here with me to take care of him and do the things a mother should do . Iv been told its normal to feel like this but i dont know how to cope with how i feel. In hospital if i was alone for to long i would just cry.

It would be good to talk to someome who has gone through a similar experiance

Thankyou

Hey all i have recently given birth to my beautiful son Lewis 3/1/12 i was 33weeks and developed pre-clampsia which got worse by the hour so i had a emergency c-section.
Today i returned home from hospital but Lewis is still in hospital and will be for around 7 weeks im feeling a bit down because i dont have my baby right here with me to take care of him and do the things a mother should do . Iv been told its normal to feel like this but i dont know how to cope with how i feel. In hospital if i was alone for to long i would just cry.

It would be good to talk to someome who has gone through a similar experiance

Thankyou

hello, i would like to congratualte you on the arrival of your lil man lewis, and such a sweet name.
i have never personally had a prem but since july i have had 4 friends have there bubs between 30-33 weeks and it has been heart breaking watching them, they all have had the same struggle leaving them in hospital and going home of a night, one thing you got to try and remember is he isnt strong enough to come home with you and needs that special care so the best thing you can do is go home and relax and rest, u have to keep strong so he keeps strong. it must be a horrible feeling but the next few weeks will fly by and he is going to hit so many milestones in those few weeks so just try to still enjoy it and remember he will be home soon so enjoy your sleep for now smile

Hi, my bubs was born at 33wks too, she only weighed 1.75kg so she was pretty small for 33wks, but she was a fighter and breathed on her own from the start. I held most of my emotions in and everyone tells you they will be fine, and yes they will be, but i found myself reaching for my tummy and felt like i was constantly missing something. Also i felt people didnt look at me like i was a mother now, my tummy went instantly flat and i had no baby on my arm.

So my advice, let all your emotions out, if you want to cry, cry, if you want to scream, scream, as 6mths down the track i realised i hadnt come to terms with having a prem. Now shes 8mths, healthy and one chubba bubba that lights up the room. It does get better every day and once bubs is home, a weight will lift of your shoulders and you will enjoy every precious moment you have with your son.

It took me 3 days to hold my bubs, and then the jaundice kicked in, so the moment she was in an open crib, almost 2wks after she was born, i laid back in the chair with her snuggled up to me for the day.

If you have any questions, or want to talk, please msg me.

Hi, my bubs was born at 33wks too, she only weighed 1.75kg so she was pretty small for 33wks, but she was a fighter and breathed on her own from the start. I held most of my emotions in and everyone tells you they will be fine, and yes they will be, but i found myself reaching for my tummy and felt like i was constantly missing something. Also i felt people didnt look at me like i was a mother now, my tummy went instantly flat and i had no baby on my arm.

So my advice, let all your emotions out, if you want to cry, cry, if you want to scream, scream, as 6mths down the track i realised i hadnt come to terms with having a prem. Now shes 8mths, healthy and one chubba bubba that lights up the room. It does get better every day and once bubs is home, a weight will lift of your shoulders and you will enjoy every precious moment you have with your son.

It took me 3 days to hold my bubs, and then the jaundice kicked in, so the moment she was in an open crib, almost 2wks after she was born, i laid back in the chair with her snuggled up to me for the day.

If you have any questions, or want to talk, please msg me.

Totally agree-if you want to cry, go ahead. My bubs wasn't prem, but she refused to breathe after an inital gasp at birth. They worked on her for twenty minutes before taking her up to the NICU on a vent. She was sedated and chilled for 72 hours to minimise/resolve any potential brain damage and we were told it was 50/50 as to whether or not she would have brain damage. Thankfully she is fine and you would never know she had issues at birth-I'm sure your little one is a fighter and he obviously has a Mummy who loves him very much.

No one expects to end up as a NICU parent so it all comes as a shock and you need to work through it in your own way and if that means crying-let it out. It's great that you have had the courage to share your story and ask for help on the forum-it is one of the nice things about having this forum.

I completely understand how bad it feels to go home without your bubs. The day i had to leave, the nurse who informed me didn't seem to care how I felt about leaving bubs behind-to her, I was just a bed that needed clearing. I found it helped to focus on the progress my little one was making as each step she managed was a step towards going home. I had plenty of cries in the NICU and when we finally got out of the NICU and back onto the Maternity ward for a few days, as soon as I was alone, I sat down on the bed and bawled for no apparent reason.

I also found it hard that I couldn't care for my bubs like a normal Mummy-we were told we couldn't even stroke her too much while she was sedated-all we could do is hold her hand because they didn't want to upset the readings on her brain monitor. Ask the nurses for advice on everything that you can do for your little man and focus on the things you can do rather than the things you can't-gradually the can-dos will out number the can'ts.

You will probably have these moments even after bubs is out of the NICU because you may still need time to work through what happened-if need be, jump back on the forum or message one of those that have replied to your thread. Having someone to talk to who understands how you feel really helps. I have talked to other NICU parents and most of them agree that you can't truly understand what it is like to be a NICU parent until you have been one. If things feel like they are getting too much for you, talk to your midwife or someone you trust-soak up all the support you are offered.

Hang in there and remember that you are a wonderful mother even if things didn't start out as expected. You have had a rough time, but things will get better. Cherish each moment with bubs and enjoy each milestone he reaches.

One of my colleagues bubs was born at 33 weeks because his wife developed pre-eclampsia as well and she is thriving at 6 years old-ahead of other kids her age in some ways. My mother's best friend was born 2.5 months early in the middle of Northern Hemisphere winter 76 years ago before there were incubators. The standing joke is that when she was born, she could fit in a shoe box-now she is so tall, her feet are so big she has trouble fitting them in any shoe box.

Prems are known fighters and your little man is going to be just fine. Keep posting to let us know how he is doing. You are a great mum-remember that each tear you've shed is a sign to the world of how much you love your little man and care about him. He is in your heart even when you can't be with him.

Congrats on the birth of your little man smile
I had my son at 34 weeks. I was ok when i was in hospital because i could see him in special care at any time of day or night. The morning i was being discharged i started crying and just couldnt stop. The whole day i was balling at the drop of a hat.
I cried the whole way home from the hospital, even tho i knew i was going back in a few hours.
I cried when i left the hospital that night.
Then i cried myself the sleep that night.
It did get a little bit easier with each day, simply because i knew he would be one day closer to comming home with me.
Its not easy leaving apart of you behind and not getting the "happy hospital" moments like leaving with your baby.
I knew it was where he needed to be but it didnt stop the empty feeling or the tears.
I always felt so robbed of the special moments that would usually happen when you have a baby and are in hospital for a few days. Its a feeling i still deal with 17 months later.
Im now half way with our second child and im faced with the chance of another prem baby. Only this time ill be torn between spending time with my son at home and my new daughter due in June. I wonder how i am going to be able to cope with not spening 12 hours during the day with my new baby because my son will still need me at home.
Ive decided the only and best way to cope is one day at a time. Then one day you will hear those magic words of "he can go home with you tomorrow".
The stress is not good for milk supply and i know its very hard to not worry also know you are a very lucky mummy who will get to take her son home soon.

Also a great support network is PIPA, look for them on facebook. They do hospital visits in some areas or offer online support as well.
Good luck with everything xoxoxo
Kirsty.

Hi Jess, how is everything going with you and Lewis? I hope all is well.


Also Kirsty, would you mind keeping us updated with your second pregnancy, im only in the first trimester, i think im more scared of a full term baby than a prem one.. Fingers crossed that both of us go full term this time and get to experience leaving the hospital with our bubs this time round.

hi, I had our baby at 30weeks naturally. Cheeky lil monkey wanted to come out. And my labour was fast. 1 1/2 hours. we were in hospital for 5weeks. As she feed from me at quite an early stage. Believe its ok to have your ups and downs. I know what your going through. Our hospital and NNU was ammazing! We held our baby atleast one a day for the first 2weeks, then she was transfered into a hospital cot for the last three weeks. Im pregnant with baby number two, hoping to progress further than 30weeks, goodluck. And yes its ok to cry. Believe me weve all been there!

Congraulations on the birth of your little man Lewis.

Like everyone says if you want to cry then cry, don't hold your emotions in.

When I had DD she was in NICU for 4 weeks. I found it hard as DD had surgery the day she was born so I got a quick cuddle before surgery and then couldnt hold her for another week, we were only allowed to hold her hand as she was sedated for most of the 1st week. I also had DS1 and when I was discharged I had to leave DD behind. It is one of the hardest things that I have ever done and I would cry everyday.

I would go to the hospital 2 to 3 times a day. I had pictures of DD everywhere. I had one on my hospital table in my room, when I got home I surrounded myself with photos expecially where I would sit to express milk for her. If you can get some friends and family that can be your support network.

Stay strong for your little man, every day is one step closer to coming home.

Thankyou all so much for your reply's iv finally taken Lewis being up at the hospital all day every day hasn't given me much time to keep up on new posts.My little man is doing amazing very hungry little boy and loves his cuddles i was very shocked when the doctor said i could take him home. he said you can take Lewis home today wasn't expecting it for a another few days. i could have jumped on the doctor and hugged him i was so excited.
last night was our first night home as a family was soo amazing. no sleep but still amazing

Kirsty
hope every thing goes okay with this pregnancy keep us updated smile