Things no one told you would happen After your baby was born....

I would like to start this thread and just see what all you ladies think is the one thing or more than one thing that your midwife, friend who has had a baby or mother did not tell you happen post natally that did for you....What do the books and magazines not tell you happens after the miracle of birth is over and you are holding this baby in your arms????

Did they tell you just how intense those baby blues would be or how long they would last?
Did they tell you that sex can be painful even after a tear free birth or a C-section?
Did they mention the fact that you can feel so in love with your baby but want to be away from her because you cannot handle the crying anymore?
Did they tell you just how hard it can be looking after yourself and trying to look after your baby at the same time?

What about the stretchmarks?
The sagging belly?
The aches and pains that you thought would leave once baby came that are still there
That six to eight weeks for healing is a LIE!!!

It is going to take me approx 6 months to heal from this SPD muscle pain

Anyone else?
what did you not know? what would tell someone to look out for who is having her first baby and has no idea what to expect???

I don't know I would have loved to know how many weeks I would bleed for. And definitely would have like to know the fact that after an episiotomy it is very normal to be unable to full control of your bladder. That it can be normal for Bub not to poop for a couple of days, and that sometimes if they are really contented they can sleep for 12 hours straight, even when you try to wake them ( I was scared stiff) Also that sometimes you can do everything right, but that they still just cry, but that you can hand them over to someone else who will do the EXACT SAME THING as you JUST DID and they stop.

Here are a few of my learnings:

- That approx 3 months after birth, you start losing heaps of hair and moult like a cat! Scary at first when you don't know why and you think you might go bald!
- Random strangers suddenly take interest in your boobs and how your baby is fed
- You can't just leave the house to get milk whenever you want. Leaving the house with a baby even for five minutes becomes a well coodinated mission.
- Having a shower before midday is an achievement.
- Terrible stories on the news about people hurting, neglecting (or worse!) babies and children leaves you more upset then usual and makes you hug your baby tighter.
- Baby giggles become your favourite sound
- Your body is never the same - even if you lose all of your baby weight
- You miss feeling your baby move and kick inside you once it is born
- You become the proudest parent each time your baby learns a new trick or reaches a new milestone and want to tell the world how smart your baby is
- You miss sleep - need I say more! Baby smiles and giggles make sleep deprivation worthwhile
- You can't sneeze, cough or jump on a trampoline without nearly peeing yourself - listen to your doctor and do your pelvic floor exercises!
- You are going to get loads of advice from people everywhere and you will cop judgement about your parenting - do what feels right for you and your family. As long as you are all happy and healthy, that is what matters.
- You have no idea what you and your hubby did with your spare time before bub was born.

Mumma984 wrote:
Here are a few of my learnings:

- That approx 3 months after birth, you start losing heaps of hair and moult like a cat! Scary at first when you don't know why and you think you might go bald!
- Random strangers suddenly take interest in your boobs and how your baby is fed
- You can't just leave the house to get milk whenever you want. Leaving the house with a baby even for five minutes becomes a well coodinated mission.
- Having a shower before midday is an achievement.
- Terrible stories on the news about people hurting, neglecting (or worse!) babies and children leaves you more upset then usual and makes you hug your baby tighter.
- Baby giggles become your favourite sound
- Your body is never the same - even if you lose all of your baby weight
- You miss feeling your baby move and kick inside you once it is born
- You become the proudest parent each time your baby learns a new trick or reaches a new milestone and want to tell the world how smart your baby is
- You miss sleep - need I say more! Baby smiles and giggles make sleep deprivation worthwhile
- You can't sneeze, cough or jump on a trampoline without nearly peeing yourself - listen to your doctor and do your pelvic floor exercises!
- You are going to get loads of advice from people everywhere and you will cop judgement about your parenting - do what feels right for you and your family. As long as you are all happy and healthy, that is what matters.
- You have no idea what you and your hubby did with your spare time before bub was born.

+1

HappyHead wrote:
I dont think its others responsibility to tell me whats going to happen, everyone has a unique journey and I for one didnt need others telling me that because something happened to them then it will also happen to me.

When you are pregnant with your first its so exciting, its your own story thats about to be told, do you really want someone telling you a whole lot of negative things.

I wouldnt tell anyone having their first baby that they needed to look out for this that and the other, if they asked for advice sure, but I dont think anyone needs to be warned about things that may not happen to them.

+1

Most people have access to the library and the internet. Its their own responsibility to go and find out what happens and learn as much as they want. Some people don't want to know and thats fine too. I know that I have always hated people telling their horror stories about birth and implying thats what it is like for everyone. By all means share your experience, but don't feel that its your duty to tell them what to expect.

HappyHead wrote:
I dont think its others responsibility to tell me whats going to happen, everyone has a unique journey and I for one didnt need others telling me that because something happened to them then it will also happen to me.

When you are pregnant with your first its so exciting, its your own story thats about to be told, do you really want someone telling you a whole lot of negative things.

I wouldnt tell anyone having their first baby that they needed to look out for this that and the other, if they asked for advice sure, but I dont think anyone needs to be warned about things that may not happen to them.

+1

There are so many things that MAY happen following the birth of your baby, so to cover all the possibilities would scare mums to be and set up very unrealistic expectations. I think the focus of antenatal classes and appointments shoud be on how to cope and when/where to seek help when you feel that something is not going well.

I had a lot of complications following my daughters birth and while it was awful at the time and completely deviated from my expectations of life with a newborn, I soldiered on and got through it and now I just see those early days for what they were, and praise myself for getting through it.

well alot of women that i know personally would have like to have known some of the things to expect during post natal life as one can be under t he impression that life and your body all goes back to normal within a month or two or that the famous "Six week check" means everything is fine and you are good to go so many women end up disappointed as they did not expect sex or lifting their baby to still hurt after six or eight weeks, they wonder why it hurts to pee and poop for a couple of months, things like that which are not discussed at antenatal classes.

Arisa wrote:
well alot of women that i know personally would have like to have known some of the things to expect during post natal life as one can be under t he impression that life and your body all goes back to normal within a month or two or that the famous "Six week check" means everything is fine and you are good to go so many women end up disappointed as they did not expect sex or lifting their baby to still hurt after six or eight weeks, they wonder why it hurts to pee and poop for a couple of months, things like that which are not discussed at antenatal classes.

but it doesn't happen to everyone though.... there are so many things that can happen, bombarding people with the what ifs aren't exactly good for putting them in a positive mindset. All it does is perpetuate the fear of birth.
If people ask for the nitty gritty, by all means give them your experience, but it is important that you emphasize how different they all are. There is nothing to stop those people picking up a book and reading about common things to happen to your body during and after birth. If you have a problem with the antenatal classes you went to, then go to them and tell them where you think they can improve.

I also think its one of those things where people say in hindsight "I wish I had known." But really I am not sure how it would change anything. What would people do differently? How do you turn knowing a books worth of health issues that may or may not happen to you into a positive?

I wish someone had told me to practice collapsing my pram BEFORE going out with bubs for the first time! The damn thing wouldn't go down and all those post pregnancy hormones did nothing to help either. I distinctly remember saying to DP how did they trust us to raise a human being when we couldn't even get the pram back in the car! LOL!

Also that really odd, empty, jellybelly feeling you have for a while after bubs is born. It was never mentioned in any of the books i read and no-one thought to tell me either. I guess it's one of those things that are beyond description until you've experienced it!

OC1246 wrote:
Arisa wrote:
well alot of women that i know personally would have like to have known some of the things to expect during post natal life as one can be under t he impression that life and your body all goes back to normal within a month or two or that the famous "Six week check" means everything is fine and you are good to go so many women end up disappointed as they did not expect sex or lifting their baby to still hurt after six or eight weeks, they wonder why it hurts to pee and poop for a couple of months, things like that which are not discussed at antenatal classes.

but it doesn't happen to everyone though.... there are so many things that can happen, bombarding people with the what ifs aren't exactly good for putting them in a positive mindset. All it does is perpetuate the fear of birth.
If people ask for the nitty gritty, by all means give them your experience, but it is important that you emphasize how different they all are. There is nothing to stop those people picking up a book and reading about common things to happen to your body during and after birth. If you have a problem with the antenatal classes you went to, then go to them and tell them where you think they can improve.

I also think its one of those things where people say in hindsight "I wish I had known." But really I am not sure how it would change anything. What would people do differently? How do you turn knowing a books worth of health issues that may or may not happen to you into a positive?

Well a lot of the books and pregnancy videos tell you to read up on labour, birth and to prepare yourself for the possibility of needing a C-sectinon even my midwife calls all labour a "Trial" of labour as noone knows how your birth will turn out, you cannot go in blindly like they used to do in the 60s or even my mother in the 80s where the doctors told you "You will be fine" and often that is all they were told, you were not even told how to breathe during a contraction or what happens to your placenta after baby comes, you know al ot of women would like to know what happens and how it is expelled etc

well my friends all told me that they wish they had known what to expect I guess books called "What to expect when you are expecting" would not have been written then would it???

Id just tell any 1st time mum to be, to prepare for the unexpected. Sure, read all the books and articles you can, but nothing is going to go that smoothly!!! my DS was born emergency C-section, and I was out of hospital 3 days later, and back at work (horse racing stables!!! - very labour intensive) with bub in tow, after 7 DAYS!! Its remarkable, as new mums what we can get done when we have to!!!

Arisa wrote:
OC1246 wrote:
Arisa wrote:
well alot of women that i know personally would have like to have known some of the things to expect during post natal life as one can be under t he impression that life and your body all goes back to normal within a month or two or that the famous "Six week check" means everything is fine and you are good to go so many women end up disappointed as they did not expect sex or lifting their baby to still hurt after six or eight weeks, they wonder why it hurts to pee and poop for a couple of months, things like that which are not discussed at antenatal classes.

but it doesn't happen to everyone though.... there are so many things that can happen, bombarding people with the what ifs aren't exactly good for putting them in a positive mindset. All it does is perpetuate the fear of birth.
If people ask for the nitty gritty, by all means give them your experience, but it is important that you emphasize how different they all are. There is nothing to stop those people picking up a book and reading about common things to happen to your body during and after birth. If you have a problem with the antenatal classes you went to, then go to them and tell them where you think they can improve.

I also think its one of those things where people say in hindsight "I wish I had known." But really I am not sure how it would change anything. What would people do differently? How do you turn knowing a books worth of health issues that may or may not happen to you into a positive?


Well a lot of the books and pregnancy videos tell you to read up on labour, birth and to prepare yourself for the possibility of needing a C-sectinon even my midwife calls all labour a "Trial" of labour as noone knows how your birth will turn out, you cannot go in blindly like they used to do in the 60s or even my mother in the 80s where the doctors told you "You will be fine" and often that is all they were told, you were not even told how to breathe during a contraction or what happens to your placenta after baby comes, you know al ot of women would like to know what happens and how it is expelled etc

well my friends all told me that they wish they had known what to expect I guess books called "What to expect when you are expecting" would not have been written then would it???

I think you are misunderstanding me.....

I don't think people should go into it without knowing what to expect. I am the last person to suggest that they shouldn't educate themselves!
I just don't think that women should take it upon themselves to tell every new mum all the potential bad things that can happen to them. I think this creates unnecessary fear. If your friends all wanted to know what to expect, why didn't they go and pick up and book....such as "what to expect when your expecting" rather then wait for someone to come and tell them. All the info is there. Its about self education and personal responsibility. The stuff that can wrong is never ending. Do you honestly think you would have been better off if someone had sat you down and said "thats really exciting that you are having a baby, these are the problems you might have." thats gonna be a very very very long talk." It could potentially take months to have. You are confusing being prepared and hearing about all the things that "could" happen. Being scared of birth has a massive impact on the birth itself. If you are going into it without knowing anything, it can be equally as damaging if you go in expecting all these crap things to happen.