Feeling a bit crappy - need co sleeping advice

Wasn't going to post this coz quite frankly... I effed up. But I really do need some help / advice so I'm hoping (possibly naively) that I can get some here without all the "you're a horrible mother and you could have killed your baby" posts. We'll see...

DS has been a HORRIBLE sleeper from day1. It took a while for my milk to come in so he was very hungry and upset for the first 3-4 days and now (probably due to the constant feeding) I have an oversupply so he is very gassy and I seem to be spending a large portion of my nights pacing and patting, rubbing his little tummy... anything to get him to settle. He absolutely WILL NOT sleep in his cot and my bed is not safe for co-sleeping so I sent the new daddy out to get a secure sleeper and he's been in that ever since.

So last night in my bleary-eyed stupor I grabbed him out and fed him and ended up falling asleep while feeding. I panicked when I woke up (although I'm sure he had a bit of a "yesss... beat the system look on his face") and even though he was absolutely fine, I can't help going over all the things that could have happened and stressing in case it happens again.

To make my bed safe I'd need a new mattress (current one is latex top), guard rails, new bedding (I sleep with a doona and a big "L" shape pillow)... it's a huge expense and I absolutely cannot afford it all atm... I'm struggling as it is.

So...

What do I do?

Make an effort to get up and wake myself up for feeds / sit up in a chair to feed? (although the latter is probably a worse scenario if I did fall asleep).

Get a loan or find another way to make my bed co-sleep safe? (Would a 3 sided bassinet be an option even if my mattress isn't suitable for bub? or would I still need a firm mattress on my bed?)

Option 3... whatever that may be... too tired to think of one, but if you have an idea please share!

Thanks in advance smile

Can you put the cot next to your bed with the side off? Would it be high enough to be at the height of your bed?

Thanks for replying smile the cot is next to my bed but doesn't have a drop side (it's one of those ones where you lower the base as bub gets bigger) sad I've tried settling him in there, but can't fit my wrist between the slats and he'll only sleep if I'm holding him in some way (in the secure sleeper, he sleeps with my hand on his belly)

oh hun. Its a hard time hey?
I made the effort to wake up and sit in a chair for feeds when my DS was newborn. I had a lamp on low and read a book to keep myself awake. We co sleep on occassion but my DH is against it so wasn't really an option for us.

Could you maybe borrow a bassinett? a cot is such a big open area for a newborn, he might feel more comfortable in a smaller bed. Also, do you swaddle? These were just some things I found useful when DS was newborn. Also with the bassinett I could rock DS to sleep but couldn't in the cot. When I was rocking him he would settle very quickly.

Oh, seriously no judgement from over here! Been there!!

I didnt use a pillow, as mimsey said. Not until much later. I think those moments fall on dh to take notice really, but if yours is anything like mine he wont notice.

We slept with a secure sleeper in the early days (dd1), the thing i found best though was that if you feel like youre dropping off, take the secure sleeper OUT of the bed because i always had this sick feeling in my gut that if she was ever smothered, it would ironically be the safe sleeper crushing her when shes not in it (did that even make sense?lol)

We kind of slept in an awkward position for a long time after the safe sleeper. Her face was always above my head (so i wouldnt breathe in her face) and my arm was wrapped around her, snaking under her bum (so i didnt crush her with my arm in my sleep) and i was constantly waking up to check that the blankets were under her chin. I was completely OCD with it. But it was that or not sleeping at all so was happy with it laugh

My worst moment was the night with dd2. I had woken to feed her (she was in a bassinet, we werent doing the secure sleeper again) and i fell asleep while sitting up in bed, her attached to my boob. I woke up and realised i had dropped her! She was sleeping soundly next to my leg, my milk had leaked everywhere. I thought my heart would just stop beating for a second there. Like you, i just couldnt stop thinking about what could have happened. Have to say...never happened again though smile

No judgement here either. I've been there too!

DD was a dreadful sleeper from the get go. Even in hospital. My wake up call was dropping her sad I was sitting on the floor to feed and I fell asleep. She dropped onto my legs and cried, which woke me up. I cried more than she did! I was horrified that I'd done something so stupid. But the reality is that she wasn't sleeping, day or night, unless I held her. And as a single parent with 2 other kids, I didn't get a chance to catch up on sleep during the day. So by week 2, I was a zombie.

My saviour was putting her on her tummy to sleep. I know it's not recommended, but the first time I settled her on her tummy she slept for 4 hours straight. I checked on her constantly because I was petirifed that she would smother sad but she was fine. I thought long and hard before trying it, but it was what she needed. She sleeps on her tummy to this day (she's 9 months).

Little Miss's wrote:
Can you put the cot next to your bed with the side off? Would it be high enough to be at the height of your bed?

I did this but dd was older.

What about a breast feeding chair? I honestly dont know if they are safer but someone else might.

I had similar frustrations! I co-slept on occasion for my sanity. In the end I was sleep deprived for 10months( yes she woke every 3-4 hours every day until she was 10mos).

Consider these?

-Try warming the bed...use a heat pack (then remove it when bubs goes in the bed).
- Try putting a blanket under the bottom sheet (natural fibre one, not synthetic or wool and this would be in addition to the mattress protector) as mine is what I call a cold bod. without the blanket she will not sleep, mind you I am in VIC.
- wrap bubs twice, I used muslin for the first wrap and a thicker one for the second, and then added blankets.
- The usual additives such as music, white noise, dull light, comforter, glow light, your shirt to snuggle into (sometimes the smell is all they need).
- For the daytime sleeps I used to put a rolled up towel under her so she slept on her side-ish(was 10weeks and able to lift her head well) and managed to get a couple of hours sleep from her. I did not do it at night though.

- sleeping bag?

I hope things improve for you!

Hi there,
Firstly try not to stress about it. Falling asleep while bf is very normal for me and frankly its a good way to get some sleep. I usually lay on my side to do it, but early on I would sit up. I would be leaning quite far back so bubs was supported by my tummy and arm, so even if I fell asleep they couldn't really go anywhere. I think I had a pillow under my arm too.

Secondly milk usually takes 4-6 days to come in, so your milk didn't take longer, it was perfect!

With the quilt, I had it on an angle so dh had it, but it was only over my legs. Then I wore thermals so I stayed warm. I had my crochet rug over my body if I needed extra and I had no pillow. I slept in the middle of the bed, dd on the left and I kept my arm around her. right up against the bed was the bassinet, so she couldn't fall out. (more for my piece of mind, they didn't actually get anywhere near it!) I slept further down the bed then I normally do so my head was at her waist. Then my arm was up and around her.

I am not sure what the sleeper is like....Is it possible you could put bubs in that, in a soft baby bassinet http://www.productreview.com.au/p/valco-soft-co...
Then once asleep you just pick up the handles and pop him in the cot without actually moving him.

Cosleeping is great, but it is a little harder when they are so little. You really don't want to be doing it if you are overtired, which is quite hard when you are a new mum! I used to use a bassinet next to the bed if I was too tired.

The bed rail, I got mine on gumtree for $30 (for when they were toddlers) and the mattress, I guess maybe start keeping an eye out for sales...

All the best with it!

I personally would make the effort to get up etc at feeds. I did basically the same as you one night. Dd was a couple of months old and we only had 1 bedroom so dd cot and our bed took up most of the room. There was no space for a chair so I fed in bed. Initially I sat up in bed and fed but as I got more confident at feeding I would feed lying down in bed... One night I did this and fell asleep. I woke a little while later (maybe an hour) and I FREAKED. I felt something under the covers by my feet and started screaming. I ripped all the covers off the bed trying to find her. I was crying and screaming that she wouldn't be able to breathe under there. DH was (understandably) confused. He kept saying "she's in her cot, she's fine, have a look, she's ok" and trying to reassure me. I wouldn't be consoled. I screamed that she wasn't there. That I had fallen asleep while feeding her and now she was under the covers and probably dead. All the while I was going through the sheets (which were now all over the floor trying (unsuccessfully) to find her. Eventually something DH said must have gotten through to me and I calmed down enough to look in the cot, and there she was fast asleep (despite all my screaming) tucked up safe and sound. Turns out DH saw me fall asleep and saw that dd had finished so he got up and put her back to bed. The thing I felt by my feet was a soft toy about the same size as dd... Despite the fact that dd had been safe all along I swore I would never again feed in bed and from then on I got up when she woke and went and sat in the living room to feed. Scared the living daylightd out of me. With ds I have gotten slightly slack again and I feed him in bed BUT I have a feeding chair in his room that I used for all the night feeds and only feed him in bed now that he is sleeping through the night and I just do it for the morning so DH and I can doze a little more but we're awake by then anyway so not like the middle of the night! smile

Thank you so much for all your replies, it's comforting to see so many similar stories (even if it is a lil scary). I like the idea of moving bub, sleeper and all... it never even occurred to me! (isn't sleep deprivation wonderful?) Thinking if I flip my mattress over (so the latex bit is facing down) it might be firm enough for bub and then I'll just need to organise bedding. We got a solid 5 hrs last night grin so feeling a little more human, we'll see how we go...

Thanks again smile

Kat + 3 Kittens wrote:
Thank you so much for all your replies, it's comforting to see so many similar stories (even if it is a lil scary). I like the idea of moving bub, sleeper and all... it never even occurred to me! (isn't sleep deprivation wonderful?) Thinking if I flip my mattress over (so the latex bit is facing down) it might be firm enough for bub and then I'll just need to organise bedding. We got a solid 5 hrs last night grin so feeling a little more human, we'll see how we go...

Thanks again smile

Great! Its amazing what a little bit of proper sleep can do. It will get better, hopefully very soon for you! Good idea about flipping the mattress. smile