What should I do I have seriously run out of ideas - My DH is going to make a great father I just know it he is so proud to be a dad already even before our baby is born - but I'm very worried he won't be able to kick a long term habit.

He's addicted to playing computer games - we get home of an evening from working 10 hours a day in front of computers - and I head straight to the kitchen to cook where as he heads straight to play computer games. Granted he cleans the kitchen after dinner to help but he plays computer games nearly every night of the week.

He says its his way of unwinding in the evening obviously this is an important part of anyones evening & He's been like it ever since we met (5 years ago so I have known about this for a while!) I've had to ask for days during the week to be 'our nights' or 'my night' where he spends time with me I feel ridiculous for having to ask but I feel like it's the only thing that has worked.

For some reason that's all slipped by the wayside lately and as the weeks draw closer and closer to our pregnancy ending I'm starting to get more and more frustrated and worried. Frustrated because I'm 34 weeks and we only have a very small amount of time left where it's just him and I - and I'd just like him to realize this and perhaps find the time to spend with me! And worried because he gets annoyed at the thought/prospect about not being able to play his games anymore. I find this totally ridiculous. I said to him the other night - 'will you still be like this when the baby is born - his response was no of course not' I got so upset because he was implying no ill have time to spend with the baby but I haven't got time for you right now.

Everyone is telling me he won't have time to play anymore once the baby is born but he seems to find all the time in the world now when he's got a wife to spend time with so how will a baby change things?! I'm fresh out of ideas does anyone have any advice.

Thanks

What should I do I have seriously run out of ideas - My DH is going to make a great father I just know it he is so proud to be a dad already even before our baby is born - but I'm very worried he won't be able to kick a long term habit.

He's addicted to playing computer games - we get home of an evening from working 10 hours a day in front of computers - and I head straight to the kitchen to cook where as he heads straight to play computer games. Granted he cleans the kitchen after dinner to help but he plays computer games nearly every night of the week.

He says its his way of unwinding in the evening obviously this is an important part of anyones evening & He's been like it ever since we met (5 years ago so I have known about this for a while!) I've had to ask for days during the week to be 'our nights' or 'my night' where he spends time with me I feel ridiculous for having to ask but I feel like it's the only thing that has worked.

For some reason that's all slipped by the wayside lately and as the weeks draw closer and closer to our pregnancy ending I'm starting to get more and more frustrated and worried. Frustrated because I'm 34 weeks and we only have a very small amount of time left where it's just him and I - and I'd just like him to realize this and perhaps find the time to spend with me! And worried because he gets annoyed at the thought/prospect about not being able to play his games anymore. I find this totally ridiculous. I said to him the other night - 'will you still be like this when the baby is born - his response was no of course not' I got so upset because he was implying no ill have time to spend with the baby but I haven't got time for you right now.

Everyone is telling me he won't have time to play anymore once the baby is born but he seems to find all the time in the world now when he's got a wife to spend time with so how will a baby change things?! I'm fresh out of ideas does anyone have any advice.

Thanks

you need to speak to him about your concerns luv.

granted you are hitting the end of your pregnancy so these things are huge in your mind but it may not have occurred to him yet so just ease it into a convo. im sure with your confidence of his skills as a father he will take it well and hear you out!!

you need to speak to him about your concerns luv.

granted you are hitting the end of your pregnancy so these things are huge in your mind but it may not have occurred to him yet so just ease it into a convo. im sure with your confidence of his skills as a father he will take it well and hear you out!!

I've tried many many times over the past few years - its made no difference. He told me the other night 'I won't let you dictate what I can and can't do or how I can or can't spend my time'

I've even said I'll leave lately I don't want to obviously but it how I feel sad

try the silent treatment for a while.
just play it cool
go out all weekend and put your feet up somewhere else...dont spend time with him.
he will get sick of playing games and start asking why you dont want to spend time with him

once baby comes there will be no time for anything for atleast the first 2 months......My baby is 4 months and I still have no time to even get my hair done it looks terrible..lol but is so rewarding have so much fun too beinga mum good luck

My hubby is a gamer and i know that will never change. He use to play for hours before we had our first and now he plays an hour at night. He needs that time to himself. I told him he could play has long has the kids are in bed and he has stuck to that.

You need to sit down with your partner and tell him what you need from him. Men don't know unless us women tell them.

He might be one of the few that actually change when the baby comes..

But if he doesnt, and doesnt listen.. take the controllers, or power cords and then tell him youll give them back when hes done something for you, or the baby.

My hubby is a gamer and i know that will never change. He use to play for hours before we had our first and now he plays an hour at night. He needs that time to himself. I told him he could play has long has the kids are in bed and he has stuck to that.

You need to sit down with your partner and tell him what you need from him. Men don't know unless us women tell them.

My Husband is the same...
I agree with this 100%

My DH was before our kids, when our we had our first we made a deal that he will only play when the kids are sleeping, 2 years later this works well especially when I fall asleep on the couch he plays his games, works better this way he doesn't finish a game in a week anymore lol

i am a gamer too... before i had DS2 i would play almost every night (as DS1 is 21yo)... however when DS2 arrived the first month or so... i didnt play any games... but since then i would play once or twice a week... and i feel its a great way to unwind... i also talk to my gaming friends online at the same time...

my other gaming buddies (males) well they have newborns and after a month since the birth,they get on almost everynight but only for a couple of hours... their wives dont seem to worry much...

what i am trying to say... gaming is just another hobbie... as long as he doesnt overdo it... then all will be ok

I said to him the other night - 'will you still be like this when the baby is born - his response was no of course not' I got so upset because he was implying no ill have time to spend with the baby but I haven't got time for you right now.

I think asking this question was a bit unfair - its a double edged sword. He says no of course he won't be like this with the baby - the answer he thinks is "right" but you still get upset - but if he said "yes i will still be like this" you would be upset too. I understand what you were getting at but either way, his answer to that question was going to upset you. Whats a guy to do lol?

My partner is a gamer too. We have the same arrangement as you do - certain nights of the week are game free nights and other nights he can either play before dinner or after dinner - not both. Of course other times he can play until his hearts content. I like it because it gives me time to myself as well to do my own thing and not have to entertain him lol, and ill sit next to him while he games on my laptop, doing my own thing on the internet.

I think the best way to address it is to calmly talk to him about it. Tell him you understand he uses it to unwind and you don't want him to STOP playing computer games - he still can now and after the baby is born. But have a proper, calm chat about expectations etc, without blaming or nagging or anything, so you have a game plan before bub comes along (haha!)

I also agree with my little blessings. Men don't seem to know what you need or want from them unless you are explicit.

Above all though I would not recommend doing things like taking away controllers and powercords etc. Its counterproductive and controlling, and is just going to make them resent whatever it is you are trying to get them to do.

Thanks for all the replies ladies. I have given birth and DS is now almost 4 weeks old. DH and I have had chats re computer game playing but I still don't think we have really worked things out yet. I do like the advice on not taking away his 'time to unwind' I do think it's important for everyone to have that time in a day. Some of the things I said to him prior to the birth regarding the game playing were in complete frustration and probably as because I was right at the end of the pregnancy and having lots of thoughts and concerns about being a mum for the first time! I think we might just have to go back trying game free nights and I really like the idea of negotiating playing before or after dinner I think I've established that's something that annoys me the most as some nights I feel as though the first thing he does as soon as he walking in the door is turn the computer on. So far we have been really busy with bubs but he is still finding plenty of time to play as my mum is staying with us doing all our housework and cooking god bless her! I'm hoping once she leaves things might change and we will be able to negotiate on this again but all in all he's so far being a brilliant dad and a huge support to me which is the most important thing I could ask for right now. smile

Hey Mummy4the1sttime - I'm glad it's working out for you smile

I was really interested to read your question and all the responses, as before my baby was born (5 weeks ago), I had similar concerns about my DH - he would always spend several hours on the computer after work and most of his days off there too if I didn't drag him away from it to do something else. He said 'it'll be different when he's born' and it has been. He does still play/spend time on the computer every day, but he's really good about stopping and looking after the baby, he really pulls his weight. I still have to fight a little frustration though (thank you hormones for the added grumpiness and irrationality) as -I- would really like to be able to spend an hour (or two) uninterrupted on some 'me time'... Grumble grumble wink

My DF was an xbox gamer and he was quite addicted! He still played once DS came along, but he cut WAY back and was only playing an hour or 2 every few days. These days the Xbox is completely covered in dust and it only gets busted out on boy's nights (nights when i'm having dinner and movies with the girls and they stay home babysitting tongue )

how old is your partner? Men don't really grow up until late 20's lol! He might surprise you and cut way back or give it up altogether. If not, just compromise and try not to nag as this makes them want to do it more roll eyes

Good luck and i'm sure it will work out fine smile