Dad stressing me out..

Hey, I just need to have a vent about my partner and his lack of participation with our newborn..
I have been home from hospital with our baby girl for 6 days.
At the hospital he was amazing, picking her up every chance he got, and looking so proud, showing her off to his family...but the day I came home everything changed..I let him know I was on my way home and by the time i got there he was having an anxiety attack (poor bloke)
He had them on and off for the first 3 days and didnt really hold or cuddle her because it made him feel worse, which was fine by me, I understand its a stressful situation having us rely on him and things like that.
But for the last few days he has seemed fine and still showed very little interest in bubs, the couple of times I did hand her over for a cuddle while I was doing dinner he lasted about two minutes then put her in the pram..
And today he is already on my case about what do I do all day while she is sleeping!!! I am still exhausted from the 3 days it took to push her out!! and I dont really care about housework right now!!
Im at a loss as what to do as he was so supportive and awesome for the first few days but now he always has an excuse...today I suggested he do some skin-to-skin for bonding and he scoffed at the idea and said it was just for mums..im worried he wont bond with her and when i go back to work she will play up in his care...
aaah sad

He sounds like he's really struggling... I'm guessing this is your first? I remember my hubby being a bit like that... although I didn't get any comments about housework! I think the guys can tend to feel like they're useless because babies tend to need their mothers more - and this can cause bonding issues and sometimes even a bit of resentment at the relationship changes it causes between husband and wife. It is a huge adjustment as you would know.

The only thing you need to do is to sit him down for a big talk. Point out the things you've noticed, include how he was at the hospital as compared to now and ask him if he knows why he feels like he does. He might need a bit more time to adjust yet, but if it doesn't get better over the next few months he might need some professional help. Dads get pnd too - and its something that is easily missed because men expect that they will cope and don't admit it when they're not. The fact that he had anxiety attacks shows that there are defianately some coping issues there.

You poor thing... you have enough to do and think about at the moment without taking on his problems too! Just remember that although you need to support him, you can't make him change - he has to do that for himself and it might take lots of chats and a bit of time to get there.

Hope things get better soon. And don't forget to take care of yourself too - don't neglect your own health and sanity by putting yourself last!
Xx

We're not all like that. I'm about to be a father for the first time, but I became an instant step dad to 3 kids a year ago. The oldest is a 9y/o girl, then a 5y/o boy and a 4y/o boy. My partner is due in late September, and it appears we are having a girl. She gets stressed and has a hard time and I do my best to help her out. I try and make her feel special and tell her as I see it. She's pregnant, she's fat, and she's bloody gorgeous for it! I love my girl, and tell her often that she's beautiful.

We, as men often have no real idea what you as women deal with during pregnancy, and I've made a point of trying to be as involved as I can, asking lots of questions and making sure my girl is as comfortable as possible.

Sometimes we feel useless. Its hard for us also to not feel like we are making a difference sometimes, or able to take away some of the effort we know you have to put in.

I have my moments and come home from work shattered. I can also see when my girl is stressed and needs help, and we have an understanding between us that when one is struggling the other steps up and/or takes over. Its not a spoken thing. We just know, and it happens.

So, just know that some of us love our pregnant girls, big tummy and all. Its an amazingly beautiful thing to see my girl growing, and even though no sleep is going to kick my butt, I know it will be worth it.

We're not all like that. I'm about to be a father for the first time, but I became an instant step dad to 3 kids a year ago. The oldest is a 9y/o girl, then a 5y/o boy and a 4y/o boy. My partner is due in late September, and it appears we are having a girl. She gets stressed and has a hard time and I do my best to help her out. I try and make her feel special and tell her as I see it. She's pregnant, she's fat, and she's bloody gorgeous for it! I love my girl, and tell her often that she's beautiful.

We, as men often have no real idea what you as women deal with during pregnancy, and I've made a point of trying to be as involved as I can, asking lots of questions and making sure my girl is as comfortable as possible.

Sometimes we feel useless. Its hard for us also to not feel like we are making a difference sometimes, or able to take away some of the effort we know you have to put in.

I have my moments and come home from work shattered. I can also see when my girl is stressed and needs help, and we have an understanding between us that when one is struggling the other steps up and/or takes over. Its not a spoken thing. We just know, and it happens.

So, just know that some of us love our pregnant girls, big tummy and all. Its an amazingly beautiful thing to see my girl growing, and even though no sleep is going to kick my butt, I know it will be worth it.

I wish there were more men like you. I hope it lasts after the birth as it really means so much to us girls even if we don't always show it. Although my DH didn't complain about the state of the house. Help was in short supply and I remember being in tears one day because I wanted to share so much with him after the birth, but just felt stressed about the house being a mess, dinner getting done, and his lack of interest in DD, but was more concerned with TV. Its so nice to see someone like you that wants to help. Wish I could clone you, I would make a fortune. Your partner is lucky to have you

I wouldn't worry about the bonding.. my partner always felt stupid doing the baby talk or even holding our first in front of anyone..even me. But don't worry he will get more confidence as time goes on. Maybe you should suggest that bath time is daddy time..That seemed to help with us. They would have a bath as I cooked tea, that way I would be at the other side of the house and wouldn't hear all his baby talk.
As for the house work..I understand my partner would do the same thing and now I'm off work about to have our second he's at it again. But once your partner feels confident enough to watch baby on his own for a few hours he will realise that its a lot more work. Everything will come right, you just need to not let it get to you too much and give it time.