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Robbed of the experience? Rss

My son is now 13 weeks old and i love him more than i would ever be able to describe. My pregnancy was perfect and i loved every minute of it. My son's arrival on the other hand has left me feeling robbed.
I was induced at 10 days over my due date, laboured for 9 hours (7 of which i was without my partner as they kicked him out after visiting hours finished!), dialted 1cm, my son's heartrate dropped and i was taken in for an emergency caesar. I know that i probably wouldn't have my son today if he wasn't delivered by caesar and i'm not saying that i would have it any other way. I just feel like i let myself down. Like my body let me down. I grew my son but i didn't "give birth" to him. I just want to know that i'm not alone in feeling like this and any suggestions in how to come to terms with the fact that i physically could not deliver him.
I know exactly how you feel! I delivered my first daughter naturally, and was prepared to do the same with my second, only to be whisked down to theatre for an emergency c-section after 15 1/2 hours of labour. She also went into fetal distress and I got all the way to 9 cms dilated!

I still feel robbed even now, and feel like I should have tried harder, or done different things to make labour progress better whether it was different positions, different pain medication, whatever.

Alot of my time in labour I felt uncomfortable too. Id never been to the hospital before, and the midwives weren't very supportive which inturn made me feel nervous & unsettled. Perhaps you felt the same? Having your partner kicked out because visiting hours were over sounds ridiculous and would possibly have added to your labour not progressing.


I do know someone who was in our position & didnt have a c-section in time (72 hours after labour started) and her baby didnt make it sad
I know we're glad to have our babies here with us! Sometimes we have to accept that although things didnt go to plan, they still worked out for the better.

If it's really eating you up and affecting your day to day life, i'd suggest speaking to a counsellor or psychologist about it to help you work through the issues.
I had an emergency caesarean and I just feel grateful to have my beautiful healthy daughter. My midwife was just wonderful and I will be forever indebted to her and the doctors who ensured the safe arrival of my baby. It (caesarean) was my worst fear and after hoping for a drug free water birth, definately not part of the plan. But it was for the best. I recovered very well. I don't feel guilty that I didn't 'push'.
I felt very similar after going through a c section with my daughter, the feeling definitely faded over time and now I can't imagine it happening any other way. I hope it is the same for you. On the other hand OMG at your partner having to leave after visiting hours thats absolutely terrible!
I also was induced and had a c-section due to fetal distress after a 19 hour labour and making it to 8cm. To top things off i also ended up with a infection. Likewise my pregnancy was pretty good!! I have felt disconnected with my body since, i was so dissapointed but also realise it was the best thing at the time. I feel like it is the medical intervention that resulted in c-section and if i could go back in time i would have held off being induced. It just seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Im 28 weeks pregnant again and after 26 weeks of reading and questioning i have decided to try for a natural birth, im a little nervous being only 16 months apart but i know my body can do it and i feel like i need to try. Ive forgiven the last experience and all involved. This is a different baby, pregnancy and birth. You could try making a diary of your experience and write some positive and forgiving affirmations. I know it sounds a little weird but the power of the mind is amazing and i feel better for doing so. Your not alone, all the best...

I felt very similar after going through a c section with my daughter, the feeling definitely faded over time and now I can't imagine it happening any other way. I hope it is the same for you. On the other hand OMG at your partner having to leave after visiting hours thats absolutely terrible!


Firstly, congrats on the safe arrival of your son.

I agree with the above post. My son was born by emergency c-section after a 30hour labour, and at the time I knew it was the best and ONLY option. Afterwards I went through feelings of guilt, doubt etc. However it does fade with time and now I just wonder... what does it feel like to have a vaginal birth. More like curiosity than anything else.

I think its normal to feel like you are feeling, but if it continues to upset you maybe your CHN could point you in the right direction for someone to talk too?


Mr J (April 2005) Miss Z (Feb 2007) and Miss O (Oct 2010)

I had massive blood loss (3.5L) giving birth to DS 15 weeks ago. With all the complications of the birth (placenta stuck onto wall, suction and forceps, near death experience, all that...), I have been told by my Ob that if we decide to have another child, it will have to be c-section and I won't be able to be awake for it (spinal fusion prevents me from having a successful epidural).
I really got hung up on this and had the same thoughts you had - I wouldn't 'give birth' as you said. I have been seeing a counsellor to help with this. She said something the other day that helped me: it's not about the process, it's about the outcome. Healthy baby and healthy mother is the ultimate result. You carried your gorgeous son and got to know him for 9 months. The birth is just one moment in the whole thing.
I can definitely recommend talking the whole thing through with someone, whether it be a counsellor, husband, good friend or anyone you're happy with! Best of luck smile
I really understand how you feel. I had an emergency caesar after 5.5 days of one/off labour. They tried everything to get my daughter to come out naturally. I got to 6-7cms before they did an emergency caesar. My labour just wasn't progressing as she was distressed. I feel quite cheated even though there was nothing else that could be done. I had planned to have a drug free homebirth. I can honestly say after all the medical intervention i had it was the worst experience of my life. It was also the best though as i have a beautiful, healthy daughter. My daughter is 9 months old and the thought of having another baby is still so far from my mind after what happened. I found it espically hard as two close friends had natural births around the same time as me.

There is support out there though. There is a place called Birthrites http://www.birthrites.org/ The way i try and think of it is i have a healthy baby and they did everything they could to keep her and i healthy. I hope that helps.
I had an emergency C-section due to failure to progress and foetal distress. I was induced (8 days over), given 2 lots of gels, started having contractions at about 8:30am (I think). They were 2 min apart and lasting 50 secs. This went on for about 8-9 hours. At about 4:30 I finally gave in and had an epidural because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I was still only 1 cm dilated. My bub started getting distressed even before the epidural, and it's lucky I had it done when I did, because not long after I was rushed to the operating theatre and at 5:20pm my DS was delivered. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.

Whilst it was disappointing that I didn't get to have my drug-free water birth, I do not feel like a failure at all. I have a gorgeous 10 month old son, who's developing well and now crawls to me when I ask him if he wants a cuddle wub . He's always happy, sleeps well, eats well. He's everything I'd imagined he would be and more. I'm still here, and my battle scar is barely visible.

My DH's mother on the other hand is not here. She died whilst giving birth to DH's younger brother - who almost died as well. Her death had a devastating effect on DH's family. His dad became an alcoholic, his younger brother was fostered out, and his older brother made some really poor choices in life and ended up spending a few months in jail.

I do not feel cheated. I don't regret any of the medical interventions. All the things which happened, lead to the perfect outcome - healthy bub, healthy mum and a family who's still together, about to enjoy their first Christmas.
Thank you all so much for your responses. Knowing that i am not the only one to experience such thoughts makes me feel so much better and not alone!

I just wanted to make it clear that there is not one moment that i am not greatful for my amazing son. No matter how he made his entrance into this world, he is healthy and happy, what more could i ask for.

I get so down on myself because i feel let down. I didn't have any support there and the midwives seemed too busy to care. They gave me a panadiene forte and a sleeping tablet and told me to sleep it off. It all seemed so rushed and felt like it was the easy option for everyone else.

What makes it worse is that i have "friends" who gave birth naturally, without pain releif, and they always bring it up. They make comments like, "oh i don't know why that is, you didn't push him out!"

Anyways, my son turned out to be 9pd 14oz. The doctor told me after the caesar that because of my size it was highly unlikely that i would have birthed naturally. I really want to experience a natural birth but i'm scared that it will never happen. I just keep telling myself that i am a mother, i did create life no matter how it got here.
I had a similar experience. My water broke, I was admitted to hospital. Partner was not allowed to stay as it was about 10pm at night (after "visiting hours"). I remember lying in the ward and crying.
Then contractions started and I suffered through the night in an enormous amount of pain, apparently because the baby was posterior, as they LATER discovered.
The midwives kept telling me that the pain I was experiencing was "nothing" as I was only 3 cms dilated and still had a long way to go. Baby ended up being born at 8pm the following night by emergency caesarian.

The worst part for me was the fact that while I was in recovery after the caesar my partners family barged in and saw and held my baby before I did.
I understand where you are coming from and can relate too.

I didn't even get to go into labour with my son and I feel so robbed of the whole birthing process. My baby stopped moving so the performed an emergency c section within 20 minutes of me arriving at the hospital, then my baby was unwell so they whisked him off to another hospital for the first two weeks of his life. I got to visit daily after day 3 but I feel like I missed out on the whole skin-to-skin bonding.

I feel like I spent the whole 9 months of my pregnancy preparing for labour and then didnt even get there.

One friend pointed out to me however that it was not my birth, but my sons so it had to be the way he wanted it.
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