Robbed of the experience?

I understand where you are coming from and can relate too.

I didn't even get to go into labour with my son and I feel so robbed of the whole birthing process. My baby stopped moving so the performed an emergency c section within 20 minutes of me arriving at the hospital, then my baby was unwell so they whisked him off to another hospital for the first two weeks of his life. I got to visit daily after day 3 but I feel like I missed out on the whole skin-to-skin bonding.

I feel like I spent the whole 9 months of my pregnancy preparing for labour and then didnt even get there.

One friend pointed out to me however that it was not my birth, but my sons so it had to be the way he wanted it.

Wow so glad I found these posts

Just reading other posts about c-section experiences and it has made me feel not so awful. Im 22 and had an emergency c-section 2 weeks ago after getting to 9cm in 5hours on gas only!! I thought i was going so well.
Bub's heart rate dropped badly and then they rushed me in. I felt (and still feel) a little disappointed in myself that I couldn't have a normal birth. I never in a million years thought it would happen to us. My partner was also very left out of the whole surgery part, i really needed him there and they were just too rushed to get him ready. He walked in just as they pulled our daughter out and he got to spend an hour and half with her in special care while i was in recovery. It still makes me so upset every time I go through it all in my head. And makes me feel like a bit less of a Mum- like I would be more qualified for our little girl if I had done it the way we planned. It is getting better though. My partner just reminds me when im upset that she arrived safe sound and how beautiful she is and thats all that matters now.

I used to think that caesarian was the easy way out- I now know that it definitely is NOT and have so much respect for mums who have also been forced to deliver this way.

Anyway, just wondered how long it took for your tummies to feel sorta normal again. My staples are out, but its still pretty tender and hurts to laugh or sneeze.

A few of my friends have recently had babies too, but they all had a pretty smooth and natural birth experience so its really hard to find Mums who has gone through what I have.

Thanks again for your posts...I still have bad days, but I feel they are getting better...

Charlene and baby girl Alecia

I had 2 c-sections, my first was a emergency after 16 hours of labour i only got to 4 cm. my second was a low placenta. I am grateful to have both my girls happy and healthy. While I sometimes think I missed out on something. i try to remember the fact if it wasn't for c-sections I would be unable to have my beautiful babies. in fact I would even be here as I was born via c-section too.
I am considering having number 3 and yes that will be a c-section too.

I've had two caesars and will be having my third in July.

I was induced early with my first son due to bladder problems(mine not his), had a bad reaction to the gel which brought on a very painful labour-constant pain but worse when having contractions! Gave in and had an epidural after about 14 hrs-however as I was in labour so long(26hrs total) it wore off. A top-up failed and by then bubs was a bit distressed so it was off for theatre for a caesar.

Had to have spinal block but because I'd already had the epi they had a lot of trouble getting it in-almost had to be knocked out.

My son was finally pulled out 45mins after they cut-had a lot of scar tissue from previous surgeries. Because it had taken so long to get him out the spinal block was wearing off when they were stitching up.
Consequently my husband was the first to hold him as I was in too much pain.

Was back in theatre 15 months later for the birth of my second son after failed VBAC(he was 9lb 14oz-no way was he coming out the other way!)My bladder was accidently cut during the casaer so was in hospital for a week with catheters and drains hanging out of me-not nice!

I felt really guilty and like a failure after the first one-especially as I couldn't breastfeed(bub had a tongue tie).

Really thought having the second one would be worse but I think because he was so big I accepted it easier.

My next one in July will be my 1st elective caesar-will be nice knowing the date earlier and recovery is supposed to be easier because you're body's not tired and streesed from the labour. Will let you know in July!

As long as the baby is healthy and you're ok then you've achieved what you set out to do-how you get there is irrelevant at the end of the day!

Hi there

I had an elective c section back in May.

We have a strong family history of very long, spine on spine labours that end in op (face deliveries) - my mum, aunty, cousin, sister ALL had the same problems so my ob (who also delivered my sisters bub) said he was happy to go the elective c section as he'd seen what my family, sister in particular had been through previously. My sister ended up with 4th degree tearing and my niece is lucky to have made it through the delivery. My mum needed blood transfusions etc...

I do not regret my decision to deliver via elective c-section, yeah the recovery is harder and longer, and I was a bit nervous about surgery, but at the end of the day, I was more relaxed during my pregnancy as I was not constantly stressing about the labour (knowing that it was probably gonna end up being an assisted delivery anyway) and bubs came into the world safe!

I can understand why some people might feel a bit upset, but at the end of the day all you want is for bubs (and you) to be healthy during and after the delivery - so that you can start your life together!...

***However, I would be REALLY upset about partner being forced to leave!. Thats really unfair! Hope your feeling better now smile

Wow so glad I found these posts

Just reading other posts about c-section experiences and it has made me feel not so awful. Im 22 and had an emergency c-section 2 weeks ago after getting to 9cm in 5hours on gas only!! I thought i was going so well.
Bub's heart rate dropped badly and then they rushed me in. I felt (and still feel) a little disappointed in myself that I couldn't have a normal birth. I never in a million years thought it would happen to us. My partner was also very left out of the whole surgery part, i really needed him there and they were just too rushed to get him ready. He walked in just as they pulled our daughter out and he got to spend an hour and half with her in special care while i was in recovery. It still makes me so upset every time I go through it all in my head. And makes me feel like a bit less of a Mum- like I would be more qualified for our little girl if I had done it the way we planned. It is getting better though. My partner just reminds me when im upset that she arrived safe sound and how beautiful she is and thats all that matters now.

I used to think that caesarian was the easy way out- I now know that it definitely is NOT and have so much respect for mums who have also been forced to deliver this way.

Anyway, just wondered how long it took for your tummies to feel sorta normal again. My staples are out, but its still pretty tender and hurts to laugh or sneeze.

A few of my friends have recently had babies too, but they all had a pretty smooth and natural birth experience so its really hard to find Mums who has gone through what I have.

Thanks again for your posts...I still have bad days, but I feel they are getting better...

Charlene and baby girl Alecia

I still have bad days too. It is alot more comforting knowing that there others dealing with the same issue and i'm not just being selfish.
My tummy still feels weird/numb and my boy is now 4 months. I had sharp shooting pains for almost a month after the caesar but most of the pain was gone in about 2-3 weeks.
I too use to think caesars were the easy option but after experiencing it i know i was completely wrong! Not just physically but also mentally!
You did a fantastic job! You should be proud of yourself! As we all should!

I too am disappointed to have had a c-section. Despite the pain of childbirth I actually WANTED to feel that pain. To go through what my mum went through and her mum and hers! You spend 9 months in anticipation of this major body event and then to have an emergency ceaser right at the end is so anti-climactic. It's like building up for a sneeze that never comes. I didn't feel or see a thing in surgery only pushing and pulling on the other side of the screen, but no pain at all then baby was whisked away. I was left thinking "did I just have a baby??" All I saw was a momentary flash of one eye peering from behind the blanket she was wrapped in then away they took her. So much for that first breastfeed on my chest, that bonding moment I had been so looking forward to.

Looking at my gorgeous baby girl now I am at peace with it, because I think of all the women who are struggling to even fall pregnant. Even if I had NOT given birth to her and I had to adopt. Would I love her any less?? No way..

I found that it helped me to find a video online of a c section being performed. As gruesome as it was, it gave me some perspective and closure to see the baby actually coming out of the stomach. It is no less of a "birth" than a natural one. The cut is so close to the natural birth canal. It also kinda made me glad that I didn't feel a thing hehe tongue

The best way I came to terms with my DD's birth was to grieve that it did not go at all the way I had planned and doing this has helped me to move on.
Basically when we loose something we need to grieve it, this helps us to come to terms with what has happened to us and to hopefully move on from it.
I have learnt these things from years of therapy (not for the way my dd was born, but for other things) and all the things I had learnt from my therapist helped me after my dd was born.
It could also be very worthwhile for you to see someone, just to talk to and to learn how best to deal with what your feeling.

I am actually totally at peace with it all now smile I removed certain 'friends' from my life who were putting me down for having the caesar and focused on the now. It doesn't matter how he got here, he is MY son. His health and wellbeing is my number 1 hence the reason i consented to the caesar. You are right though, i did need to grieve it. Even before i got pregnant i could picture how i thought the birth would go. That moment the baby is out and on your chest, that instant feeling of accomplishment and sheer relief. I wanted that so bad. For me, one moment i was pregnant the next thing there was a baby who had been cleaned up, wrapped and held by several other people before me. It took a while for me to actually feel like he was mine. Probably sounds a bit silly! But he definitely has my attitude, no mistaking that one! I am currently getting myself fit and healthy in preparation for our next one (not planning it just yet!) as i am going to attempt a VBAC. If i don't succeed at least i know i gave it my all. Thank you for your posts smile

Ashalee_89 wrote:
My son is now 13 weeks old and i love him more than i would ever be able to describe. My pregnancy was perfect and i loved every minute of it. My son's arrival on the other hand has left me feeling robbed.
I was induced at 10 days over my due date, laboured for 9 hours (7 of which i was without my partner as they kicked him out after visiting hours finished!), dialted 1cm, my son's heartrate dropped and i was taken in for an emergency caesar. I know that i probably wouldn't have my son today if he wasn't delivered by caesar and i'm not saying that i would have it any other way. I just feel like i let myself down. Like my body let me down. I grew my son but i didn't "give birth" to him. I just want to know that i'm not alone in feeling like this and any suggestions in how to come to terms with the fact that i physically could not deliver him.

First congrat's on your new arrival.

I've had 2 c-section & i will be having a 3rd when we pregnant with the next baby.

I had to have my first son by c-section. I was in labour for 38 and a half hours then 90 minutes of pushing. His head was hitting my pelvis and there was no way to get him out. I was so happy when they said c-section for 2 reasons. 1. i wanted him now 2. i was so tired my body was done.
I never saw it has my body failed me or i failed my body, it was the best way to bring him into this world. I now have a beautiful son who i just glad he was fine.

My second son i was worried that i have go threw a long labour and then being told he had to come via c-section. I didn't want to put my body threw that again plus hubby put his foot down & we had another c-section. He is now a cutie almost 11 month old boy who i love just has much has my first son.

Please don't blame yourself, you have a beautiful baby & that all that matters. You didn't fail at all.

melmul wrote:
I can't believe your partner wasn't able to stay with you, he wasn't visiting - goodness I'd be writing a complaint to the hospital about that. As for not experiencing giving birth I do feel for you as it is obviously something that you wanted to do, but the main thing is you have a healthy baby, don't be so hard on yourself & enjoy your baby =)

I've been thinking about writing a complaint. The whole birth experience was messed up. I felt like i was pushed into a corner. It seems that everyone else i know that has birthed in my area has ended up feeling pressured into a caesar. Must be the easy option for everyone else. I did want it and still do, but what will be will be. My boy is healthy and happy and so am i now. Thank you all for your kind words xx