Hi Ladies,

I'm new here.. I have been enjoying reading all your advice on the forums so I just thought I'd get this out there..

How old were you when you had/or started trying for your first?

I am 22yrs old. I have been out of home since the age of 16, and working full time since the age of 14, so I know how to take care of myself, and I understand the responsibilities of keeping up with bills etc.

My partner and I have been together for just over 4 and a half years, and living together pretty much the whole time (including a year down south away from everyone we knew). We aren't exactly financially well off tho, past few years our jobs have been unreliable and we have had some bad financial luck - ie, got a loan for a new car, only to get it written off by a drunk who took off and we never saw a cent - and a few other smaller incidences. But we always manage to pay our bills one way or another. My partners parents are always happy to help out if we really need it - in fact, they help out more than we need a lot of them time.

Anyway, my point is.. All though we haven't really admitted it to anyone, we have been actively trying for about 5 months. I haven't wanted to tell anyone because I don't know what kind of reaction I would get - will they think I'm too young? Will my family be happy or not? I like to think they would be, seeing as my Grandparents had my Dad 19, and my parents started trying for me when they were 23 - they were 27 by the time they finally convinced tho, and both were probably in better financial positions.. Then again, I'm sure everyone will be willing to shower a Grandson/daughter niece/nephew etc in gifts lol.. But its a new day and age - what age is appropriate to start trying these days?! I have some friends who still live at home and go to uni! Then on the other hand my 2 best friends both have children. I have a 1yo God-Daughter who was born on my 21st - and my other best friend has a 1.5yo and is half way with a second. I love them both to bits, I love spending time with them, can't wait to meet the new one too!.. And I think if they can do it, surely I can... Can't I?

Then there is also the fact I was diagnosed with Polysystic ovaries at the age of 16, that's something that has been weighing on my mind since then "What if I can't have kids?", and the doctors always said, don't wait too late to start trying, so I was super excited to hear my Partner was ready for kids (Yep, to my surprise HE suggested it first!).. I'm still really scared about conceiving tho, will it happen or not - how long will it take - will I really be ready if/when it does finally happen? I'm guessing it's something you will never really be ready for until it happens... And then when it does happen, I'm really quite worried about miscarrying..

Anyway, if you made it this far thanks for reading my rant.. Any thoughts or advise would be helpful for my own peace of mind..

hi,
i think they are normal worries to have.

I was 19 when i fell pregnant with my DS (planned, took 6 months to concieve), i had him a month after i turned 20.

I had DD last november (i am 22, turn 23 next month)/.

I had been with my partner for 4.5 years before we started trying for DS, we were engaged (married for 2 years now). i think it depends on the couple, DH is 2 years older then me and did the 'clubbing and irresponsible thing' and i never liked drinkin, loud noises and always considered myself to be very resposible (i think it was because my mum had 8 kids, im the second oldest, and she became very sick so i had to help out and pick up the slack). so for me it was the right time to have kids. i am now starting uni this year (but still plan to have 2 more kids about 2 years apart).

We arent in a great financial situation either, DH is a surveyor and there isnt much work around at the moment so we go weeks without his income, just live off the centrelink payments, we get by and pay all our bills are i am happy that DH can watch our children grow with me, as money isnt everything, as long as we can manage and we are happy.

Good luck, i hope you fall soon smile

Hi smile

I turned 24 about two weeks before my DD was born and if I had been in the right situation /relationship before now, I would have started earlier! I have PCOS too and I conceived after 3 months of trying so try not to stress too much. I have a good friend who took 12 months to conceive and she is completely healthy. It will happen when you're ready!

As for money, someone once said to me when you're single, you never have any money, when you're a couple with no kids, you never have any money but once you have kids, you'll always find it somewhere!

Good luck!

I think it's less about age and more about maturity.
Can you handle 24/7 care of something? Potential irritating noises on a daily bases such as loud crying?
Are you willing to give up the lifestyle you live now for a potential while, anyting up to 18 years?
Do you drink or do drugs or smoke? Can you give ALL of them up?

Were are you from? In Australia you get help for raising kids. It's enough to put food on the table but do you understand about budgets and how to make a little go far? Sometimes as a parent you may have to especially if you've bothunstable jobs.
Are you capable of living on minimal sleep for days on end without breaking?
Do your ink your able to function with minimal sleep? It's a fact that y HAVE to function whether you like it or not. This you need to realize

It's about sence. Common sense. A baby isn't rocket science. But it takes a grown up (this again refers to maturity not age) to raise a child. You'll be looking after something that will be your SOLE responsibility. Yes, you have a partner. He may be a great dad. But are you repared for the 'whatifs'? What if he can't handle parenting when itcomes down to it, do you think you can handle being a single parent?
Are you good at making decisions? A mother makes decisions everyday that needs to benefit her child. She needs to make the RIGHT decisions to the best of her ability.

Bla blah blah on and on and on.

I had my first as a teenage pregnancy. It was the easiest thing I have ever done and I've never regretted a day.
Then I look at my eldersisters and think, oh dear, why did you breed?
But then I look at a friend who had hers at 15 and think, that was a mistake. Her mothering is pathetic.
It's not about age. It's about YOU. What sort of person are you?
And after learning the hard way myself, what sortof people do you associate with?

Also, if you've a quick anger, I'd recommend a couple years sorting that out before you have kids because there's days you'll be so frustrated you may break.

i think skippy has hit the nail on the head, i suppose thats what i was trying to say but went the long way about it.

MATURITY smile

I wouldn't listen to judgementsk people. So what is right for you. Financially I don't think a lot of people are stable when children cme along. You never seem to have enough money no matter what' stage of life you are in. Except of course if your rich! I had DS 2 weeks before my 19th birthday. He wasn't not planned but wasn't fully planned. My DP was ready to have kids and I've always wanted to be a mum so we were just having unprotected sex and DS was conceived straight away. I could not imagine not having him in my life. He was meant to be here and is my life. I am so glad and proud of being a young mum. As skippy said aswell, maturity does play a big part rather then age. Good luck and please try to not listen to any judgemental thoughts smile

Thanks ladies =)

I'd like to think I am more than responsible and ready for this.. Being kicked out of home at the age of 16, with minimal responsible, and pockets full of cash and no concept of saving, led to a rather interesting few years, but that was all the partying out of my system.. Never been much of a drinker, and choose not to drink now days as I suffer have been suffering from depression for the last 5 or 6 years and drinking never helped. (don't worry I'm not suicidal or anything - been there done that - I just have the odd day when I don't really know what my purpose is)..
Now day's I spend my weekends in the comfort of my own home, enjoying all the things we spend all this money on - the roof over our head, the warmth and light of electricity, on the couch we saved so hard for, watching the tv and playing the ps3 we spent so much money on.. I would rather that any day than going out to some party and getting really drunk only to suffer a mass hangover the next day... The mother of my God-Daughter has started going back out drinking almost every weekend (sometimes both nights) sometimes even drinking til 8am and then collecting baby from grandma's.. In my eyes, thats not right, and I would never even think of doing anything like that, I understand needing some time out but is the drinking and extremely late nights really necessary.. I would cherish every moment with my child.. All I can really do is be there to pick up the pieces for her.. But my point is, that's not my idea of parenting.

I do have one more question/ thing I'd like some advice on.. Hopefully its not TMI haha..
As I said, we have been trying for about 5 months already.. Well I missed last months period (do u guys have a nicer abbreviation for that word? haha)and just about due my next one already, but that's not really uncommon coz of my PCOS - but I had been regular for about 5 months leading up to that. Took a test my friend gave me a few days after I was due - negative. A week later, randomly got dizzy and sweaty and vomited but then was ok. About 4 days later, queasy all day, and a little bit sick. Fine the next day, and now another 5 days in a row, queasy and occasionally vomiting. Took another test 2 days ago (also given to me) only to find out it was expired! but it came up positive - but I can't really trust it being expired.. Haven't really experienced any other symptoms - not that I have noticed, but what do u think? And any suggestions on where to get good but cheap pregnancy tests, or what ones work at any time of the day? (I'm in NZ if that makes a difference)

Thanks for all your advice smile

sounds like u hav the right mind set to hav a kid (as long as u no ur depression is under control).

as for your question, i was a week late with DD and got a negative, then at 2 weeks late got a really definate positive.

i think that with your 'symptoms' sometimes people can read too much into something, but have no idea about your case.

with DD (i didnt get morning sickness with DS) i was feeling off the week after my period and then 2 weeks after i was so so sick i couldnt stomach anything except chocolate m&m's (great except i'm lactose intollerant, so it made me sick anyway) so you never know, only a pregnancy test will be able to tell you for sure.

i brought mine from my local supermarket coles, it came in a pack of 3 for about $20, im in australia. otherwise you can get singles for around $15 i think.

good luck, let us know how it all goes smile

I am 20 and will still be one this one arrives. I agree with the others when it comes to it being more about maturity. Being young doesn't necessarily mean you aren't ready to have children. I know a lot of people who are younger than me and I see the things they are doing while they are pregnant and the things they plan on doing with their children and cannot for the life of me understand why they treat themselves, their bodies and their babies so poorly.

But I do think it does help do be in a good financial position, although it is not the most important thing. Take a think about how you would afford to buy all the things you need to buy for the baby, how you would survive off one income and such.

It's a huge decision to make. Good luck with making the best one for you.

I agree it's not about age, but about maturity and whether you are ready to make sacrifices for your child. Once you have a baby, your life is no longer yours. You don't get to sleep when you want, you don't get to eat when you want, you definitely can't just go on holidays like you used to and even going to the hairdressers requires some thought (ie. babysitting). And of course, saving money is a lot harder. Also, it is hard to study (if you are considering study, do it before having kids) and also hard to further your career (yes, there are anti-discrimination laws to "protect" you but they aren't perfect, and it's hard to when you are not 100% dedicated to your job).

If you have an unplanned pregnancy, then yes, you will be able to cope (one way or another), but if you have the choice to fall pregnant - I would say look at finances (can you survive on 1 income?), whether you want to fit in any travel plans first, whether you want to fit in any study/promotions at work first.

good luck whichever path you choose!

Thanks =) I'm glad to find other mature girls in their young 20's! I personally don't know too many!
Congratulations on your little one. Do you know what your having yet?

We currently survive on basically one income anyway. Partner has been in and out of casual work, and I have been out of a job for a little while now. But everything always gets paid.. It helps we share a house with my partners parents - cheap rent and we have the whole downstairs - 2 bdrm, lounge, bathroom and small kitchen, so fully independent - but at the same time if we need anything they are just upstairs and willing to help any time - Even tho me and MIL don't actually get along (unresolved fight a few yrs ago) she always make sure theirs no empty stomachs.. Also our 4yr car loan finally ends this year so thats an additional $45 a week, plus next week is our last payment on an HP which gives us an extra $53 a week! And I don't plan on getting anything else on finance if I can help it. So really my financial situation should be looking up in the near future.. And I don't think my grandparents could resist splurging if I was to get pregnant hahaa.

Thanks again guys smile

I had my first as a teenage pregnancy. It was the easiest thing I have ever done and I've never regretted a day.
Then I look at my eldersisters and think, oh dear, why did you breed?
But then I look at a friend who had hers at 15 and think, that was a mistake. Her mothering is pathetic.
It's not about age. It's about YOU. What sort of person are you?

I agree with this smile

I had my first when I was 21 - I found parenting and the transition to motherhood easy. I was very well prepared because I thought that motherhood was going to be the hardest thing in the world, and was then pleasantly surprised. I now have 4 children and am 24.

I would not change it if I could. I feel that my energy for life, and the ability to be open to new and different ways of doing things is perfect for being a mother.

I think the costs of children happen when they are older and in school and sporting clubs. My kids and I eat a LOT and we spend over $450 on groceries each fortnight, but that's really all the regular expenses. The others are small things like petrol to go to the park, the library etc. Having money helps because you can organise more activities, but your kids won't miss out or anything if you have less money.

If you have the right attitude then that is perfect for raising a little family smile

sorry sarah, i disagree.

like i said i have two kids now n still go on holidays, life does not stop, the only thing that changes is the way you go about your life eg a holiday will consist of kids activities (took DS to sydney from cairns to see DH's family and while we were there we went to the zoo n stuff like that, in 3 weeks we are taking both kids to sydney again for a week then to theme parks on gold coast. what im trying to say is instead of the romantic holidays they change to family holidays.

DH and i take turns sleeping in an extra hour (on days we can eg weekends)

DH studies at the moment and just does it at night when kids go to bed (8 o'clock)

but i agree with you when you say its hard to save.

You end up just making it work, the key is to comunicate with your partner smile

Hey Luv,
Sounds like you're in a good place and hopefully family will see this and be supportive of you.. i had a "surprise" who i fell pregnant with at 17 and had him when i was 18.. it was a shock but he was what my life was all about and everything i did was all for us/his wellbeing smile My partner at the time didn't want a baby as we were so young so i was a single mum for awhile.. we decided to give it another go for the sake of him not thinking anything would come of it and it did.. i am now due for our 3rd baby together and it couldnt be better. Enjoy it, embrace it and be happy if it's what you both want. It definitely wont be easy but if you live for your baby then in the end its worth it smile

I'm going to answer this as if i was talking to a friend, move out of your inlaws regardless of whether you have your own downstairs area, get your dp into a full time job and stop thinking the grandparents will happily buy things you need. No i don't think you sound mature enough with that attitude, i'm sure you would be a great mum but i think there is a few things you need to work on first.

hi im 21 and 18 weeks pregnant with number 2. i had DS when i was 20 and fell pregnant with him at 19. we tried for 9months to concieve him and 3 months to concieve this one.
its totally about maturity and the right mindset. if you want something so bad that feeling will never go away. i wanted kids for 3 years before i started thinking of ttc'ing. that thought never went away and i had trust in myself that i would make my childs life the best i could possibly make it.

you sound like you're in the right place to be and its great you're trying to sort finances and things like that out just to be safe.
bringing a child up takes a community not just the parents, you'll be suprised what the ocmmunity is willing to do for you. peple will give you all sorts of things to help you out.

having kids is the best thing i ever did. i love being a mum and wouldnt change a day of my life for anything. yes he is a terror attimes but then he smiles and its worth it.

good luck with ttc'ing, havefaith in yourself as a person and future parent.

I'm going to answer this as if i was talking to a friend, move out of your inlaws regardless of whether you have your own downstairs area, get your dp into a full time job and stop thinking the grandparents will happily buy things you need. No i don't think you sound mature enough with that attitude, i'm sure you would be a great mum but i think there is a few things you need to work on first.

I agree, if you are living at your inlaws and paying cheap rent and dont actually get along with your partners mother.... yet think they will buy you things for the baby - well it doesnt sound like you are self sufficient. You would probably resent the inlaws if they were to give any advice regarding your baby and arguments would ensue. If you dont get along now... I dont see a rosey future with a baby added to the mix. Especially when you are reliant on them for cheap rent in order to get by.

Definitely not about age.

I'm 22 and had my DS when I was 21.

I don't feel 22. I don't act 22. I certainly am shocked when people throw me in the young mother basket.

My DH and I aren't well off. Our son gets everything he needs and we take care of each other.

My advice is;

Get out of your in laws house. For one you will not want your mother in law butting her nose into your pregnancy and new baby. I don't know where you live but in my area a small unit is $250 a week to rent. I'm sure you don't pay that at your in laws. Could you afford that? Could you afford to take time off from work to have your baby and raise it?

Stop dwelling on the fact that you are 22. If you 'feel' ready to be a Mum then I why question yourself? Age is nothing but a number.

Make sure your partner is ready too.

Don't expect anything from anyone else. We bought everything for our son because we did not expect our family to contribute with car seats, prams, nappies, etc and we were right. Our in laws and my family got us diddly squat during my pregnancy and when DS was born. I wasn't surprised or disappointed. He's our baby and we should and do provide everything for him.

From what iv read you seem ready to me.I had mine last year at 20 , i was happy before with my life but its added so much more meaning to my life so i hope after you've had a baby you'll feel you have much for purpose.smile goodluck i think you'll do great.x.............except i wouldnt be still living with your in laws, i got on with mine great but they moved overseas shortly after i got pregnant.I also lived with my in laws, we moved out when i was 3 months preg and told them i was pregnant after we had moved out, didnt want them stressing.When they came over to visit my MIL kept saying she was cold etc (it was winter) it really annoyed me as she was really warm too warm and i didnt want her overheating anyway what im saying is i found her really annoying and would of hated to be still living there with a baby.

Please do not think people will buy you things and the things you need. Yes family will want to help out but in no way is it guaranteed or should be expected. I have bought absolutely everything myself bar the portacot which is a gift from my parents and the push chair which is a hand me down.

Living with your partner's parents should only be a temporary measure. I was out flatting when I fell pregnant. I have had to move home to live with my parents in order to help me save up so I can get my own place for baby and I. I am also working 6 days a week and will continue to do so until I am almost 39 weeks pregnant (if she doesn't come early).

From everything you said I personally think you are nearing the point of being ready but aren't quite there. Yes you may be ready to be a mother and I have no doubt that if you did you could make it work but it is a huge responsibility to take on and if you expect others to buy things for you then you aren't taking all that responsibility on yourself.

Just think it all through.

Thanks everyone =)

There seems to be mixed emotions on my housing situation lol.. I'm in Auckland so rent for a small place is anywhere from $330+ (my area at the moment is more like $500pw) which is pretty steep, but I do agree, I can't live with them for ever lol.. In-laws are tied into a lease at the moment, til the end of this year so were here til then, but gives us plenty of time to work on finding an affordable place..

Someone said I don't sound self-sufficent, well fair enough if thats the impression you got but I really am, its just, who would turn away a free meal if its offered? lol.

I would plan to buy everything on my own - and probably grab old baby clothes off friends etc.. I would never ever EXPECT anyone to buy me things for me and a baby, but fact is my family and In-Laws are really generous and I already know they will.. When I moved down south my grandparents gave me a lot of money to help with moving costs etc, and I never expected that and I always, ALWAYS reject the offers of money, til they force it on me - I hate taking money from people, especially family.. Also helps that my dad is a 2nd hand dealer (he doesn't sell junk, just nice stuff) so when it comes to things like a cot, high chair etc it will be easy and cheap for me to pick up.. Plus when you have In-laws like mine that buy you concert tickets, and buy you holiday's down south as gifts, even when they don't even like u, its pretty safe to say they would be there to help us if worse came to worse. But I would never actually rely on anyone else but myself when it came down to paying the bills and getting things organised for my child.

Thanks again everyone, I have enjoyed reading all your advice smile

If they are buying you tickets down south and other things i think they like you smile ,I agree with everyone else you need your own home and your partner to have a good stable job first. Also if you had a baby at home and the inlaws are paying for alot of things , they could try get part custody and might have a good chance if you were still living with them.

Do what you feel is right to you and your DP. I fell pregnant with my 1st at 17 that ended in a miscarrige two months later i was pregnant again i had my 1st at 18 2nd at 19 and 3rd at 22 i am now 29 and im now trying for a 4th. I have never regreted have my kids young, its was the best thing i have done. We didnt have alot of money either, but when you have a baby you make the money work for you and my kids have never gone without. smile

although it sounds like u do have a good support network but i definitly agree with others in saying that i think you need to be living by yourselves and ur partner in a good stable full time job before u really start ttc.

there are alot of twists and turns thrown at us and although things are rosey atm with ur living situation it can turn very different very quickly. u mentioned that his parents are on a lease so they obviously dont own the place where u live which means there is even less security in it all. god forbid if something happens to their health or jobs and they have to look for cheaper accomodation once the lease is up hence leaving ur parnter and u to find somewhere by yourselves. if hes not in a decent job and the rent in ur area is as u mentioned expensive how are u both going to get by. i get extremely sick during my pregnancy with hyperemesis (severe morning sickness) and im unable to work throughout my whole pregnacy, ontop of the financial loss with not working we have to fork out $150 a week for my medication as it is only cheap for cancer patients... these kinds of things throw a big spanner in the works and if u dont have a great foundation in place it puts alot of strain on u and ur relationship with ur partner.

u sound like u are looking forward to being a mum and no doubt u will be a great one but as this would be a planned pregnancy it you have the opportunity to make sure all ur ducks are in a row and u are well prepared for what this decision will make.

oh and ps i also agree with a previous poster, if u are not in ur ideal career or not qualified to do so in the future i would say think good and hard about wether u wish to study. it is not impossible to study once u become a mum but it is definitly a much better option to do so before u have the distraction of a little one.

Just to play devils advocate here but is any one ever really in the right position for kids?
There are always so many variables.

Having said that I do think it is important to be settled in your own home as saving money for the bond and moving etc will be soo sooo soooooo much harder once bubs is around.

Also with your pcos have you investigated your fertility? Depending on how sever it is you may have the added costs of fertility treatments which are nasty!



As for age, I have seen 15 year olds fall preg and go on to get mArried and have more kids and be the most amazing mothers. And also seen 15 year olds who I wouldn't even dare to call a mother, nothing more than an incubator!!!!
But I have also seen 24, 28, and 30 year olds in both those categories!
It all depends on how much you are both willing to sacrifice.

Even myself ideally we would like to have our own home instead of renting, and have a better car, and have no debts at all when we have our baby, but we know regardless of when I fall (I am battling the pcos roller coaster) we will provide the best we can and our little one will be our main priority no matter what

I started when I was 22 years old and I am 25 currently 17 weeks pregnant with bubba #1

Also i had mine last year and i was 20.My partner has a good stable job and i had one too but i got really bad morning sickness and couldnt work.We lived with my inlaws when we found out i was pregnant( we didnt plan it and wouldnt of in that situation) We moved out when i was 3 months pregnant, so im not judging you just your still so young no need to rush into anything.Personally i would of loved to get married first aswell but were engaged now but thats just me.

I'm 21 and expecting no. 2 I got preg at 19 with DS my husband and I had only just got engaged the year before and the one time we don't use a condom I convinced my DS :/... haha. we are no were near 'finacially stable' we both are on centerlink DH is 9yrs older then me and has a 9yr old daughter from a previous relationship. he is in his 2nd year at uni studying social work uh I'm finally doing year 12.. but saying that we pay our bills and we all get fed, showered and all that... we just have to be limited to unnecessary things... but we manage and my parents and family help out alot and his family help out when they can so its not all that bad. it could be much worse.

seriously I dunno if your ever ready for kids... you think you are but then you have one and its so different.. maybe that was just me since my DS wasnt planned, I had just moved away from my family (4-5 hours away), my husband (fiance at the time) were having problems and I wasn't coping very well.. but I wasn't going to have a abortion (don't believe in them), I was finding it hard to coming to terms being preg because I had convinced myself I could never get preg (i have no idea why :/).. and I wasnt going to give him up for adoption.. my husband already had a 9yr old so he did most of the looking after when DS came I then was diagnosed with PND and Borderline Personality Disorder and it was so hard... but I'm getting there now. I found the help I needed and feel much better about being a mum and a wife.. I never took antidepresants but that was my choice (because of my mum and her experience).. but I had counselling and stuff so that worked.. I was so worried about having a miscarriage but all you can do is see your dr talk to them about your pocs and worries, eat healthy and exercise.. like and you can still go out and have fun when your a mum but just not all the time.. you get sick of it after awhile because you just want to be home with bubs.. this birth I hope I don't have to start in the hospital too long because I hated it! couldn't sleep and rest is really good to keep PND away and the midwives were very pushy with breastfeeding (i get breast is breast but its not nice when there at you so much and baby ain't latching and them saying bottle feeding is bad)... so when you concive keep that in mind smile

I'm going to answer this as if i was talking to a friend, move out of your inlaws regardless of whether you have your own downstairs area, get your dp into a full time job and stop thinking the grandparents will happily buy things you need. No i don't think you sound mature enough with that attitude, i'm sure you would be a great mum but i think there is a few things you need to work on first.

Oh my God, where do I start? Several people have made comments about "getting your own place" and "maturity matters more than age". But the reality is, society still largely believes that age equates to maturity (hence the allegedly innocent comments about needing to be mature enough), and having your own place does not ensure stability - if you or your partner were to sustain a permanent injury that cost the person's ability to work, you would, eventually, deplete any and all savings and lose "your own place" anyway, more than likely meaning you would come to need the assistance of family and/or friends for a place to live. The fact of the matter is that western societies are becoming more family-support orientated as increasingly needed to provide younger generations with the means and ability to succeed. What this means is that households are having several generations of family members in them at a time so that the youngest may do well - whether that be cheap/free rent while studying, or saving for a deposit on a house, or raising a family. The "extra help" provided by parents and/or in-laws is no longer taboo, but fast becoming recognised as the best (and for some *only*) way to get a head start in life.

Now the reason I also brought up the comments about being mature... I can't say I've ever seen a 32 year-old first time mum being asked if she thinks she's "mature enough" to start a family, and yet here is a 22 year old copping these types of comments? And why? Because society undervalues the contributions and experiences of the young adult, to the point where people are blind to their (possibly inadvertent) discriminatory comments about maturity when talking to people younger than themselves. I realise there will be people who disagree, and/or think they are not discriminating, and to you I would say only you can be sure of what you meant, but maybe to be mindful of how you say it in future, as you could well be offending somoeone unintentionally.

Just to play devils advocate here but is any one ever really in the right position for kids?

Even myself ideally we would like to have our own home instead of renting, and have a better car, and have no debts at all when we have our baby, but we know regardless of when I fall (I am battling the pcos roller coaster) we will provide the best we can and our little one will be our main priority no matter what

I think this sums up things well! My SIL used to say that she wasn't going to have kids until she was financially secure (and who doesn't want to be, really?) to which her friends would say "If you wait for that, you'll never have kids". Even if we can afford our homes and bills, our cars and pets and food for ourselves and partners - when a baby comes into the mix, EVERYTHING changes, so why operate under any other assumption? As long as the baby has all of it's basic needs met (insert Maslow's Hierachy of Needs here) then it can be done, and the only way in which age should factor into the equation is in the sense of biological timebombs!

Now, after my rant - in answer to the ORIGINAL question...

My husband and I started trying when I was 22. A year in with no success, and after a barrage of tests and a surgery, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I was utterly devastated! We tried half-heartedly after that for a while before giving up. Then, after I turned 24 we started talking about it again, after my SIL had her first child (also with PCOS, conceived naturally). I returned to my OB/GYN and was prescribed Clomid in the spring of 2011, though I never got to use it! I fell pregnant a few months shy of turning 25, and am now expecting our first born this June.

It took us years to conceive, and that's why I would never tell a woman with PCOS to wait to try for a family until after she had established herself with full-time work and a home of her own. People can work their entire lives towards those goals, but the opportunity to have a family is time-restricted, even moreso for women who suffer from PCOS.