Cant talk to DP about it...

I hope this is in the right section...I feel like I cant talk to my DP about it, I am now 39 weeks pregnant, and not feeling comfortable about bringing a baby into this house. About a month ago my Mother in law and 16yo brother in law came to visit for 5 days...On the first day MIL casually mentions that BIL wants to come and live with us, as she lives about an hour out of any decent town and we live fairly close to lots more work opportunities etc. DP and I had a few long talks about it and I told him that I really dont want him to move in with us. And if he really had to not until at least the end of march to give me a chance to settle in with a new baby before i try to deal with a 16yo, i talked to mil about it aswell and she said she understood. We ended up having to drive to the town an hour or so from where they live (9hrs away from our place)the end of that week for my pops funeral, and while we were there she started a massive fight with both dp and bil and kicked bil out and told him never to come back (also had alot of nasty words to say about me... i didnt hear any of it but dp said it was all bullshit, she was just trying to rev him up) So bil came back with us and has been here since. I feel completely umcomfortable around him, to the point I go and 'lie down' or hide out in the bedroom, or go to visit my mum from when he gets home until he goes to bed. He is messy, sneaky and lies. He is constantly being caught out with his lies and just starts arguing and tries to deny it.
I feel like I cant talk to dp, and even suggest kicking him out because my brother lives with us (has for years, we asked him to move in to help out with money and him and dp get along really well) and I am a big family person, my family is around constantly, i see my mum and sister at least twice a week and dad every fortnight.
I am so worried about how I am going to deal with it, with BIL and a new baby....I dont want to bring a baby into this house when it doesnt feel like a home anymore...I seem to be crying and stressing about it constantly...I just dont know what to do anymore. Im really scared this baby is going to come and i wont be any closer to dealing with it. I wish I could just turn off that uncomfortable feeling and get over it!

I hope it makes sense...thankyou if you read it, and any advice would be greatly appretiated!

far out - i just typed (one handed) a very detailed response and my internet just died (thanks dodo). so basically you need to talk to your partner before baby arrives. your focus (and rightly so) will be your recovery and baby, you don't need extra *** and your partner should be taking the extra stress away
all the best with it (other response was way better)

I really don't know what to say other then maybe the best thing for you to do is sit DP down and let him read what you have written here. Good luck hope you manage to get things sorted so you feel happy about bringing bubs home

I really don't know what to say other then maybe the best thing for you to do is sit DP down and let him read what you have written here. Good luck hope you manage to get things sorted so you feel happy about bringing bubs home

I would definitely do what others have said and sit your DP down and have a good chat to him, telling him how stressed out and uncomfortable you are in YOUR home. You shouldn't be left to feel like this at all, especially at such an exciting time in your life!
If he is messy and untrustworthy now, it won't change when bub comes and that will make you AND bub stress out. You need to be relaxed and comfortable when you come home from hospital, because bub will pick up on the tension and react to it. I really hope you can talk to your DP about this ASAP. Good luck with it, and good luck with the birth of bub smile

what you could do is aim for a recomcilliation with his mother, as obviously you can't just kick him out as he may not have any where else to go. He is her son and her responsiblility.

Alternatively you could talk to him about his behaviour and let him know he is staying on a trial basis. If he messes up then he has to find somewhere else to live.

Overall like pp said your DP needs to put some effort into sorting this out. Its his family. GL xo

Thankyou so much, everyone! LouChoo - Stupid dodo! Happened to me the other day! Thankyou for the reply!! I gave up after it happened to me.

I need to talk to dp about it...its just when bil isnt around i feel completely different about it...He is the way he is because of his mother (who is also arguementative, messy, lier) DP moved out when he was 15 and he says he was the same but had to 'get the mum out of him' very quick when he started in the real world.

BIL and MIL are talking now and she has said that he could come back...I feel like sending him back to her would be 10 steps backwards for him, he'll never grow up under her roof. Since moving here he has started a full time job and seems to be actually looking after his own money and trying to pay his own way...its a start! Living with her, she was taking all his money for herself, no matter how much he worked so he never really got to see any real benefit from working.

Since moving here he has started a full time job and seems to be actually looking after his own money and trying to pay his own way...its a start!

I take that back. He's already lieing about money....he got DP to hold onto some money for him and convinced DP that he had lost $50...so DP used his own money to by a new phone for BIL. DP realised this morning BIL had actually used to pay the lunch truck bill...he just acted like he forgot, but its so damn obvious when he's lieing!

I take that back. He's already lieing about money....he got DP to hold onto some money for him and convinced DP that he had lost $50...so DP used his own money to by a new phone for BIL. DP realised this morning BIL had actually used to pay the lunch truck bill...he just acted like he forgot, but its so damn obvious when he's lieing!

Sounds like he is bad news. Better off not having him there. He isn't your responsibility...

Due date today. Still no sign of baby. Probably because im not ready for him yet. Still havent got the balls to talk to DP. BIL still driving me bonkers....just little things. He gets a sandwich, walks into the lounge room, i ask him to get a plate, he gets one, then when hes finished he swings his arm, which means he swings the dam plate around the place and spreads the crumbs everywhere, then walks to the kitchen with the plate upside down. I cant work out if hes just stupid or just an inconsiderate jerk! He is also just noisy, cant seem to do anything quietly, eating, watching tv (laughs at the top of his lungs or starts asking questions...most often 'did u see that?' no my eyes are fu**ing painted on! Ok...thats my b***h for today!

I'm frustrated just reading about this!
If I were you I'd talk to DP and let him know how unhappy you are with the situation and ask him to help do something about it.
Secondly I'd talk to the BIL and let him know how his behaviour is not acceptable and you're not going to put up with it.
Or you could ask your brother to have a chat with him wink

Either way, you need to stand up for yourself!
This is your home, your family and your situation - you can't just let people walk all over you, otherwise you'll never be happy.
You are soon to be a mother and you are the voice for you baby.
Are you just going to sit by when noisy inconsiderate BIL laughs his head off and wakes your baby?
If not, then you need to lay down the law NOW!

You don't have to be nasty about it, but you do need to be straight forward and honest about it.
If he can't respect that, then he has no place in your home - kick him out.
He's not your responsibility, however he is your problem, so start fixing it!!

(and I don't mean this to sound narky or anything - I'm just frustrated by reading this and want you to get a happy result!!)

Thank you 3bugs2love... it didnt sound narky, you just said it straight, and that does help smile
I've been making sure I dont 'hide' the last few days and point out all the silly little things he does to him.
I had a chat to dp yesterday and after reading your reply I had to go and make sure he knew I was serious.
I need to be the voice for my baby.
There hasnt been much change yet, but Im hopeful.