25 weeks and recently single

Hi all. This is my first post on here.

Im currently 25 weeks pregnant and my partner and i have just split up. Im very confused and hurting at the moment as he told me he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. I was diagnosed with prenatal depression about a month ago and since then things have gone down hill for me. He didnt know how to show me support and turned to alcohol and his friends and stopped spending time with me and this made us fight even more. Last week he said he has lost his spark for me and doesnt think that we can go back to how we were before all of this.

So since he told me this, i panicked and found a one bedroom place to rent for me and bub because its only 15 weeks away and i need stability. Once i moved in this week, he turned it around on me and has said that i am impatient and selfish and that he didnt want it to be like this, as if i was the one who choose to break up etc. i feel a little emotionally manipulated. I have asked him if this is the end of us and he will not answer me, he just keeps telling me that i am pushing him further away and that its not about us anymore, its about the baby. i know this is true, but i always pictured my pregnancy to be enjoyable and shared with the love of my life. We will not share all of those special moments together and i love him very much and i dont want him to miss anything. He wants to fully be apart of the babies life but i want him in both of our lives.

Has anyone gone through something similar, i feel that he is frightened or something. Im not sure if i should give up on trying to get him back or just move on. Im so so frightened and lonely at the moment and I just dont know what to do.

Its really unfair of him to play with your emotions like that. I guess it could be so many reasons like him being scared about having a baby and being a dad etc but its really no excuse to play you like a puppet and keep you hanging there. I can only go off what you have said but I think for yourself you probably need to prepare to let him go so that he can't keep you hanging there. He owes you a clear answer, it is very selfish to do that to you and that makes me inclined to think he is not considering you but thinking a lot of himself.

You need to look after yourself, be positive for your own sake and your babies sake. It is scary to look at your life as a single mother (i separated from my ex recently when my 2nd was 3 months old) but it is very possible and you are so capable. Have faith in yourself and look towards your future with your beautiful bub who needs you to be strong and settled. It sounds like you are doing well by going out and getting your own place and trying to get a stable home etc happening for yourself.

I guess you never know what the future may hold but he needs to realise that he cant keep you hanging there while he makes up his mind. I'd have to say try to move forward and he might get a wake up call and miss you and realise he does want to be together as a family, but he might not...so i guess you need to be prepared if thats the case. Just put number one first because right now you dont need emotional games and manipulation and selfish behaviour around you.

Good luck I hope this has actually been helpful in some small way

GBH for you. Its a hard situation to be in. I had been with my boyfriend of the time for 2 yrs, and I discovered I was pregnant. On sharing the news he left the house for three days without a word. On returning be announced he didnt want to be a dad and was leaving for QLD - we lived in WA. He stayed til I was about 25 weeks but nothing in our relationship changed. He left.

After leaving he became verbally abuse, ringing and making threats. I decided then he was not the man I thought he was and not father material.

Upon giving birth to my beautiful DS, I tried to contact him to tell him of the birth and giving him the option of being on the birth certificate. No response.

I decided then we were better off without him and I would raise my son to be a strong and respectful boy and that I could do it alone with family support.

Iwas contatced out of the blue by a friend for coffee, and due to the recession he discovered he had lost his job and need somewhere to stay for a couple of days. That was three years ago and he never left. He is a strong, beautiful man who loves my son more that as if he was his own blood.

That is my story. I understand yours the pain, the loss, the feelings of being lost and uncertain. You need to remain calm and do whats right for both your child and yourself. If your parnter is the one you need to be with and is the man to support your child. He needs to decide if he is worthy of you and step up to the plate on your terms.

Stay strong. Life isnt always easy but everything happens for a reason....

GBH to you. This must be so distressing for you right now sad
I think Snowflake and Mommabee summed it up well by saying you need to look after yourself and your baby.

I can only presume at your partner might just be scared of becoming a dad. This is no excuse for playing mind games with you though. Especially when he knows you've been diagnosed with pre-natal depression.

I hope you get things sorted out and make sure you relax and look after yourself. Whatever the outcome of your relationship, what is meant to be will be. Good luck hun!

.

Thank you everyone for your replies.
Not much has changed as far as the relationship goes. I kind of feel like a donkey and he's just dangling a carrot in front of me. One day he is missing us and wanting our family back and then the next minute he is yelling at me about god knows what. I think he is very confused. But im so over the confusion!
Things are slowly getting better for myself and im looking forward to becoming a mother regardless of the situation with my partner.

thank you again for everyones support!

Also sorry to sounds silly. What does GBH mean?

Great big hug smile

haha, thanks!!

I was in a similar situation with my first pregnancy, albeit my PND went undiagnosed and I just put it all down to me being the problem. But my then boyfriend was verbally abusive toward me and prior to falling pregnant, he'd also been emotionally abusive to me. When I was pregnant, he just became emotionally vacant and I was deprived of emotional and verbal support.

You will do very well in getting yourself out of that situation. If your boyfriend can't make up his mind, then do it FOR him. Now is a time of great worry and stress and confusion on both your parts, you're just experiencing it in different ways. He needs to be told where to from here, because he obviously has no clue. Don't depend on him to give you a straight out answer, because he won't. I know this because my boyfriend was exactly the same. He's toggling between being single and having that freedom, or committing to a relationship with both you AND your baby.

What he really wants, and this is just my opinion because this was true in my case, is for you to tell him that you're a team. You can do this TOGETHER. He needs to get his head clear, rearrange his priorities ASAP, and become a man. OR, he can go play with the boys. Either way it will define his character, and this is how you will know whether he's worth holding onto or not. Make it clear to him what the reality is: that this baby is not going to wait for him to make up his mind, and neither are you. Life doesn't just stop because he's unsure about what he wants. That if he chooses to go his own way, it says that he's not ready nor worthy of being the daddy of your baby, and that baby will be registered under your maiden name and not his. Make him realise that alot of his privileges with both you and your baby will fall away if he chooses to turn his back on you.

But don't let him play you like that. Especially because you've got PND. It's all self-destructive and like I said, it's GOOD that you get out of there while you can. He needs to go talk to your GP, or your midwife, or call the PND support group and teach HIMSELF how he can support you through this, so he can clue himself in about what you're going through, and so he can stop acting like a selfish little boy and grow up.
Because that's the thing he's scared of. He won't be able to go out drinking with his buddies as often because he will have something we adults call 'responsibility'.

Maybe some of the problems in your relationship is due to the PND. I know it just about ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. But PND is a sickness, it's not YOU, and your boyfriend sounds like the typical male who has yet to learn the art of compassion and empathy.

You get yourself sorted out, and encourage him to do the same, asap. You have a baby on the way. You can't idle with 'what if' or 'but'. He's either in this with you, or he's not. One comes with privileges, the other with freedom. If he can't decide, you have to tell him that you will decide for him. You want stability, and if he can't provide that for you now, don't make the mistake of letting him in to break down what you're trying to build. You want a happy and healthy environment for your child. There is nothing like the love of a mother, it's all your baby needs. If dad can be there and set a good rolemodel, all the better, but if he's going to be a turbulent and unstable factor in your child's life, it's best to prevent it early on and give your baby only the best.

You can do this. And no matter what, please do remember that IT'S NOT YOU. Whatever negativity or misfortune comes along, YOU are NOT to blame. Have compassion for yourself. You're doing your best, and you want only the best, because nothing less will do.You're strong enough to physically remove yourself from the relationship. If that doesn't give him a wake up call, and he's unable to have a proper conversation with you about where to from here, make the decision yourself. You deserve massive respect for carrying his child and going through PND. If he cares enough, he'll make the decision himself on the spot. If he idles with a reply, do it for him.

And do keep in touch with your friends and family. You need their support now and in the future. All the best luck to you xxxx