HELP!!! pregant to my ex

Looking for advice on what to do about my ex partner not wanting our baby.

we were together for 3 years and had been living together for a little over a year. i have a 5 year old from a previous relationship. My ex partner was and still is amazing with her.
i recently came home from work for him to tell me that he wasnt inlove with me anymore. After we had been saving to buy a house and having unprotected sex with in our minds that if i got pregnant it wouldnt be such a bad thing.

we were still living together for a month aftyer we broke up and like any person still madly inlove with there ex i tried everything possible to see that he does love me.
A week or so after he moved out i found out that i was 5 weeks pregnant, after calling my ex to tell him he told me he wanted nothing to do with it and i was to tell people it wasnt his and i was to do everything possible to keep it from his family.
he came to my first scan but as soon as we got in the car told me it confirmed it for me that he wanted nothing to do with it.

we have recently started talking and seeing each other again and he says that he loves me but everytime i bring the baby up he goes cold and distant. i asked him to come to my 12 week scan in a few weeks and his answer was maybe.
i still love him even though i hate what he does to me.

please help ladies. i really dont know if i should just give up or if i should just see what he decides to do.
do u think he wants anything to do with us? or is he just after sex?

im so confused

Wow Mandak53, so sorry to hear what you are going through.

Sounds like he is really struggling with the idea of becoming a dad - i don't think its uncommon, however his reaction is pretty extreme and tough on you.

I think you should try and keep in contact with him, if thats what you want. He might come round.

Also, I'm sure your mutual family/friends will work out pretty quick that he is the father...especially if you were still living together when you fell pregnant. They might come down on him and sort it out for you.

Hang in there - just remember, don't let him be hurtful. Maybe tell him to grow up and deal with it - he is fathering a child whether he likes the idea or not!

OMG You deserve so much better! Yes I understand that the idea of becoming a dad can be really scary..even more so when its unplanned. But putting you in that position is awkward. He needs to grow up!
Its hard one whether or not you should keep trying as if he is going to continue acting like this, it would be better for you, your stress levels, and your baby to not have him around. But on the other hand he might come around.As for people not knowing he is the father, friends and family aren't stupid.
I know this might sound really bitchy but I think if he doesn't come around and start treating you right by 20 weeks you just have to tell him either way he choose he will have to take responsibly for the baby. You cant keep acting nice if he isn't.

Start telling people you are pregnant be open when they ask if he is the father and say "Yes he is" .... announce it on face book what ever, he doesn't want his family to know he is being a wanker...... will see if huggies mods that word.

he wanted the baby as well as you you have been honest but make sure your set up to go it alone with your two children as he may go right out of the picture.

keep strong

Start telling people you are pregnant be open when they ask if he is the father and say "Yes he is" .... announce it on face book what ever, he doesn't want his family to know he is being a wanker...... will see if huggies mods that word.

he wanted the baby as well as you you have been honest but make sure your set up to go it alone with your two children as he may go right out of the picture.

keep strong

Couldn't have said it better!
My hat goes off subzero!

I think these are almost two separate issues for him-

1. Does he love you and is he prepared to stick around? Issues about why he left in the first place need to be resolved.

2. Why is he reacting like this to the baby? Lots of men, even loving ones in secure relationships, who would never think of leaving their partners react negatively to news of a baby, even if that's what they wanted. It can be hard for men too, like many women with pre and post natal depression.

He needs to be able to talk to you and other people about these two issues, but I don't think going gung-ho about it and making massive public statements about it is the way to become closer to him. If you still want a relationship with him then you both have to put each other first. A counsellor would be great in this situation - for you to see together. It's less confrontational than blurting to his family, and will be a good practice run for the time when he does need to tell people (obviously sooner rather than later)!

Maybe say something like, "Look, I am nervous about this baby like you, but I do want to keep it, and my ideal would be for us to stay in a relationship. We will need to tell people about this sooner or later, but I thought we could see this counsellor first, so we can talk about it with someone who isn't going to take sides, and so we can work out our game plan."

Good luck!

It seems like this guy just needs a little push over the line. My advice is to do exactly what your ex wants. Don't tell anyone it's his. Say it's the bakers or a sperm doner or something. Call his bluff so to speak. Don't let him see that he is bothering you.

Enjoy that you are pregnant. Be fun and pleasent. Don't force your preganancy on your ex. Buy a cute pregnancy dress.

Be super nice to your ex when he is around. Tell him how handsome he is, how you like spending time with him and how happy you are (but don't say that you love him). Show him you having a good time with your daughter and foster his relationship with you and your family, but don't force it (show him how it could be with him and his potential future baby/family). You want him to choose you and your family of his own free will. Show that you are responsible, fun, happy, would make a good partner and future family.

Sometimes refuse dates with your ex, but not all. Tell your ex that you're going out with the girls, doing your hair whatever - make yourself busy - even go on a little vacation without him if you can. Make an effort to look nice, put a little make-up on, a nice dress, join a club - make yourself happy.


If you are a nice person and he wants to be with you, he'll come around in his good time. If he doesn't come around, so what, you need to prepare to have this baby on your own and be happy about it regardless of whatever your ex does.

You could be in a yo-yo situation for awhile as he umms and arrs. If you don't want that, cut your ties with ex and move on (regardless of if you are having his baby or over 40 or whatever).

Also, at this point in time (note that your ex knows the seriousness of the issue and if he doesn't he's not worth it) absolutely no relationship talk, don't be heavy, don't lay down the law, don't use morals and don't try to get him to eat green eggs and ham if he doesn't want it. If you try to use force or coercian, it's likely you'll just push him further away or that you'll never know that he is with you because he wants to be or because he is being forced.