relationship confusion

hey guys,


well i dont really know where to start...
i have been having some serious doubts about my relationship with my partner, and to make matters more complicated i am due in about five weeks.i know that these feelings i have been having arent just my hormones.i have been having these doubts for along time and stupidly thought that if i gave our relationship time it would heal.

my partner has alot of baggage and due to it he suffers from anxiety quite badly.this leads to anger.for awhile i have just dealt with this in hopes that me being supportive would help him.now i just feel stupid!i feel that he has mistaken my kindness and forgivness as weakness.i feel as if he thinks he can disrespect me and get away with it.

when he gets angry he yells absolute nonsense sometimes at me sometimes at whatever is annoying him at the time such as the computer.

i feel like he acts like a spoilt child and this is definately not how i want to raise our child,not only do i feel like consequences he doesnt believe there are any consquences to his actions,i beleive that he feels no matter what he does i will always be there to forgive him.


i am thinking of leaving him,but i definately want my soon to be born bub to have a father in her life.i feel selfish for think about leaving him as i am a big believer that once you have a child it is o longer about you anymore its all about you beautiful child.

my second dilemma is if i do leave him and i allow him to see her will he try and keep her from me.i only think this because he has said it before a few times when we were arguing.

i am so upset and dont know what i should do.to make matters even worse we have just moved to tasmania and i have no family or friends here that i can speak to.i feel so alone.

i am absoluetly freaking out!

Where in Tassie are you?
Could you go to some relationships counselling? We went to a fantastic lady in Hobart...

I feel for you I really do..I understand where you are coming from. The same thought go through my head a lot. I don't really have any advise sorry.

Where in Tassie are you?
Could you go to some relationships counselling? We went to a fantastic lady in Hobart...

im in launceston,i have spoken to him about counciling before and he didnt mind the idea, we have spoken to people before about our issues and it hasnt seemed to work i am afraid that he just doesnt realize the way he is acting is not normal,and when someone tells him this he ends up hating on the them and finding something wrong with the person giving the advise,it almost seems like it is everyones elses fault before his own...if that makes sense.he can be a very sweet person but when he gets in one of his moods there is absolutely no stopping him.he says he wants to change and has been saying the same things for past two and half years.i want to be supportive but theres only so much a girl can handle.
xo

I feel for you I really do..I understand where you are coming from. The same thought go through my head a lot. I don't really have any advise sorry.

its hard i know ecspecially when you are getting along you almost seem to forget all about the bad times.
xo

Keep trying the counseling. It didn't work for us til we found this particular lady. For whatever reason, DH (who was DP then btw lol) liked her and respected her advice and opinion. She really had a way with him! We had to stop going after a while because it got too hard to work around his work, and my (pregnant) inability to keep the contents of my tummy to myself lol.
But he (and I) often says he'd like to go back to her just to catch up. Bizarre laugh

i know how you feel. When DH is over tired he acts like a real spoilt moody child.

After a while of putting up with the tantrums i will lose it and start losing my temper at him (i can control my temper so well i can be yelling at one person and talking happily with another at the same time) and say "i'm supposed to be the hormonal one, not you" ect.

i think every now and again he needs a reality check, eg. our last fight while he was out one day i moved him and all of his stuff into the spare room and was so certain i had enough, and told him he's acting like his brother (that really upsets him as his brother is very abusive ect). this really hit home for him, got him upset and appologised so much. The fight was because Ds was crying and sooking all afternoon and being very naughty, Dh yelled at him "Shut the f*ck up". I went off at him, he knew he did wrong straight away and after he calmed down, he appologised to Ds for swearing at him. This was our worst fight in the 8 years together.

Anyway, maybe he doesnt think you will leave him, so he thinks he can? maybe he too needed a wakeup call

hey guys,


well i dont really know where to start...
i have been having some serious doubts about my relationship with my partner, and to make matters more complicated i am due in about five weeks.i know that these feelings i have been having arent just my hormones.i have been having these doubts for along time and stupidly thought that if i gave our relationship time it would heal.

my partner has alot of baggage and due to it he suffers from anxiety quite badly.this leads to anger.for awhile i have just dealt with this in hopes that me being supportive would help him.now i just feel stupid!i feel that he has mistaken my kindness and forgivness as weakness.i feel as if he thinks he can disrespect me and get away with it.

when he gets angry he yells absolute nonsense sometimes at me sometimes at whatever is annoying him at the time such as the computer.

i feel like he acts like a spoilt child and this is definately not how i want to raise our child,not only do i feel like consequences he doesnt believe there are any consquences to his actions,i beleive that he feels no matter what he does i will always be there to forgive him.


i am thinking of leaving him,but i definately want my soon to be born bub to have a father in her life.i feel selfish for think about leaving him as i am a big believer that once you have a child it is o longer about you anymore its all about you beautiful child.

my second dilemma is if i do leave him and i allow him to see her will he try and keep her from me.i only think this because he has said it before a few times when we were arguing.

i am so upset and dont know what i should do.to make matters even worse we have just moved to tasmania and i have no family or friends here that i can speak to.i feel so alone.

i am absoluetly freaking out!

I stayed in such a relationship for 10 or more years. For me it just got worse, as you described being nice made things worse also. If I was nice he considered that I was stupid. In the end the worst happened anyway. It looks like I'll be going round in circles with the court system for years before I get to see my children again. Also he was nice to everyone else but not to me.

I've read some books on narcissists and how to deal with bullies. These books helped alot and now I can recognise and stay away from such people. The books indicate that there is little you can do, except stay away and counselling seems to be no help with such people.

Also I did live in Launceston for about 3 months many years ago. It is a bit of a small, tight community, but there is a university there which may organise activities and have people your age that you can make friends with. You can also organise some play dates for your bub with various people you have met. Not all the people you meet will want to be your friend and it may take awhile. It helped me to take myself out of my comfort zone, invite people over and join a club or something.

Keep trying the counseling. It didn't work for us til we found this particular lady. For whatever reason, DH (who was DP then btw lol) liked her and respected her advice and opinion. She really had a way with him! We had to stop going after a while because it got too hard to work around his work, and my (pregnant) inability to keep the contents of my tummy to myself lol.
But he (and I) often says he'd like to go back to her just to catch up. Bizarre laugh

tell me who she is?! pls