Single & Pregnangt - HELP!

I just don't know where to start. I am 11 weeks. I am booked in for my Nuchal Fold Translucency scan in less than 2 weeks. I am taking folate tablets.

I have just split with my husband and we are not getting along still. I have told him but his problem is communicating. His parents are all in shock because of the situation (He cheated!!!) and now Im pregnant.

I refuse to make the marriage work because of a pending birth - Thats just not fair on anyone involved. So where do i go from here. Does anyone know the legal implications i might be faced with. It was just going to be a straight and simple divorce but now there will be a child involved. It all seems to be getting a bit much at the moment.

But at the same time I am sooooo excited. IM PREGNANT. Hooray!!! What do i do now....???

Hi Mazz, congratulations. I'm going for my Nuchal next week. Folate tablets are a good start- just make sure you are taking a minimum of 400mcg folic acid daily. I was taking folate tablets only to be told that I was taking less than the daily requirement (300mcg)- some brands don't provide enough. I changed to "Pregnancy and breastfeeding formula" tablets (that's if you plan on breastfeeding) and have found them to be really good as they provide other important nutrients and keep you energised. I've just given Blackmores a free ad.

As for the whole husband break up, had an affair thing- I feel really bad for you. How long have you been married for? I'm going to push my luck and go against what you are saying here and suggest that you try to make things work out between you and your husband. Regardless of the birth, it wouldn't hurt to give it another go. What have you got to lose? You don't sound stupid and I know you could do this on your own but why if you may not have to. Is he excited about the birth? There's so many questions I want to ask you which make it all relevant. Was it a one night stand or an affair? I can only give you advise based on what I think I would do in your situation, so please don't be offended. I've always said I wouldn't tolerate an affair but with a baby on the way..............well.......

Regardless, I'm glad you are excited, try to stay that way. What to do now? Can't help you, I'm as lost as you are!

Hi

I am very sorry to hear about you and your husband.

Your first baby that is so cool I remember how scared and excited I was.

I am pregnant with my second and it is really much easier no fear.

Anyway if you want to talk you can email or message me at jbjfalk@hotmail.com

hi my name is christy and currently 36 weeks pregnant and wanted to say im sorry to hear about you husband. I am also single with my first child and very scared. my ex left me well it was hard i guess they say they want all these things then when it comes down to the crunch they dont. he said he didn't want anything to do with the child and then a fe months later he did and guess what now he dosen't. i don't know what to expect next with him i just want to know what my rights are, he's always going on about his legal rights and if anybody knows something about what my rights are please email me......
nalingu13_christy@hotmail.com

I am a single mum to a 4 year old boy whose father I left when he was about 18 months old. It has been really hard at times but like you I don't believe in staying in a relationship just because of children...its not fair on them. My ex and I are better friends now then when we were married and instead of having two parents who live together but are miserable my son has two parents who live apart but are happy which is better for him. Its a hard decision to make...good luck. I am now pg with my second child to a guy I was seeing briefly and though he said he was going to support me etc etc I have now ended the relationship as his actions do not support those words. Some think I'm nuts but again I'm not staying with someone just because we are having a child.

All the best, Lis : )

Hi! I am a single mum-to-be, first baby due in 3 weeks. Am very excited, but have had a rough time with the father.

We had only been seeing each other for a period of 2 months, when our little "surprise" came along. Things were ok at first - he accepted the baby, and offered his support (financially) & said he wanted to get to know the baby after the birth. But he hasn't been a big part of the pregnancy & did not want to be at our 1st ultrasound which I had at 18 weeks. He has been kept up-to-date on doctor appts, any tests I've had etc & he has copies of babe's 1st photos. I got sick & tired of his excuses for not coming to see me to plan ahead for our baby, so told him what I thought, and how I felt, & he retaliated by demanding a DNA test!! Why??

Things got pretty nasty (on his part) & I've now chosen to distance myself from him for now to lessen the stress. I'm hoping that things will get better once the baby is born. He's scared of being a father (he won't admit it though), and I know he won't go thru with the test as he knows he's the daddy. I really do have faith in him still - he would be a great Dad. We were getting on so well & making progress before he did this. I know we will never be together as a couple, but I do want to raise this baby with him as friends, which I know we can be.

Do you think it's worth patching things up before our babe comes or after? Mind you, if he keeps up the current attitude he has, & keeps being a jerk, I may have to cut him off, and it would break my heart to do that - baby's need their daddy's too!
If there is anyone in a similar situation or can offer some advice, please, get in touch. I look fwd to hearing from you.

Ambs, 27, NZ smile

Hello, I am a single parent and I am expecting my third at the moment. The best advice I can give you at the moment is you get everything in writing about the child, support, when he will see the child, ect.

good luck

mazz, if ur concerned about the leaglity of it all, contact legal aide, or there is also a telephone hotline, but i think that can be a little expensive.

i had my first baby on my own at 18, he left me when i was 8wks and has convinced his parents my son is someone elses. so he's a jerk and i'm reaping the rewards! then i met what i thought was a lovely man, later to find out he's just a pig! anyways, i had a baby with him, and he left me when i was 5mths pregnant, then came back right before bub was born and we got married when she turned 2 then 6mths later he changed his mind agian! i have no met a truely wonderful man, and 3 kids later he's still here and loving us all.

try to patch things up, not for the baby but for urself, it's all about closure! if u dont try u'll never know and then it'll play in the back of your mind. men are stupid and do dumb things and maybe this is all it was, if it was more then that then u know he's a moron and u've done all you can to patch things and move on!

Hi Mazz,

I am in the same predicament. I am 14 weeks pregnant and have split up with my husband. He had 3 girlfriends and a fiance on the side.
I was indifferent as to having a baby but he was the one desperate to start a family. Whilst planning his family he was also trying to find a way to divorce me.
I don't think a marriage can work on the basis of a baby. It is an unfair pressure to place on your unborn child. One author has gone as far to say that a baby is the equivalent of a hand grenade being thrown into a family. Whilst, this was tongue in cheek. In essence this is a happy but stressful time for most couples.
I'd suggest you seek legal counsel.
But congratulations on being pregnant. Let me know how you go with the nuchal fold test. Good luck with everything

I was in the same boat with my first child and know of many friends at the moment going through legal processes. The best advice I can suggest is that you see a solicitor or legal aid now. Once everything is down on paper and agreed to by both parties it is legally binding. Of course it can be changed at a later date but for the meantime you will feel better in yourself. I had a horrible time after the break up and so are many of my friends. Your emotions and your husbands will be running wild. Who knows what will happen in the next few months or years. If arrangements are not made then you will both have shared 'custody' of the unborn child, which means that your husband is within his legal rights to have the child any time up to 50%. Even if he has said that he wants nothing to do with the child, if he changes his mind then it can become very messy as he can just turn up and take them. Trust me you are better off to seek legal advice NOW. Don't wait until the child is born. Your husband might be fine and caring and want to be a part of the childs life and like I said that can be arranged at a later date. But until the divorce is over I would attend to a court order or agreement about the care of the unborn child.