18 months old - terrible behaviour

Hi guys,

I have an 18 month old son who's behavior leaves a lot to be desired. I was not aware that my 18 month old could have an attitude problem, but it seems lately that he is ruling our household. He constantly gets into things that I have told him a million times not to, and trust me, I've tried every method of locking and keeping him out. When he is getting in to things he knows he shouldn't, he will look at me and smile while I am telling him not to. When he is roused on, he will point his finger at me and yell what I'm sure are obscene words in his language. He also likes to throw things for no particular reason, he also know he gets into trouble for this but loves my reaction. He will walk up to me out of the blue and smack, pinch, poke me, pull my hair or throw something at me. When I try to hug or kiss him he pushes us away. The other day he drew on the wall and I lost me cool and smacked him (probably not the best thing to do while I'm teaching him not to smack) but the smack hurt my hand, he laughed at me! He is extremely clumsy and falls over quite a few times a day, not a tear, or even a murmer, it seems he is not at all bothered by pain. When things do not go his way (eg: he can not get a toy out of somewhere) he will run and throw himself on something. He's a very smart child, generally his speech is up to date, he works things out pretty fast, and seems to be advanced in some areas. He's extremely funny and charming especially around other people, he loves the attention. He wakes up at 5 every morning, if not earlier, is starting to cut out day sleeps and at night when it comes to bed time, he kicks around when he should be really tired. He goes all day long and will not sit down unless he is eating and even then it's a struggle. I have never seen a child go like this. I am at my wits end, but wondering if I am just being a whinger or if I have something to be concerned about. How do I deal with this behavior? Is there something I am doing wrong? And am I the only one who can't wait for their childrens bed time some days?

Sounds pretty normal to me! It's like pre-terrible two's, both my DD's went through this stage. DD1 used to roll her eye's when I tried to explain why her behaviour was unacceptable.
It also sounds like you're handling it pretty well though. Just try to keep your cool as much as possible - though it can be challenging when your child's new mission in life is to get a rise out of you!!
Unless it's something particularly naughty (like drawing on walls) or he's putting himself in harms way, try ignoring it. Mischief is never quite as fun when nobodies paying attention to it!

If my DD2 is anything to go off, the next stage is whinging, whining & crying over every little thing...

PS - that was my 100th post!!!!

Sounds pretty normal to me! It's like pre-terrible two's, both my DD's went through this stage. DD1 used to roll her eye's when I tried to explain why her behaviour was unacceptable.
It also sounds like you're handling it pretty well though. Just try to keep your cool as much as possible - though it can be challenging when your child's new mission in life is to get a rise out of you!!
Unless it's something particularly naughty (like drawing on walls) or he's putting himself in harms way, try ignoring it. Mischief is never quite as fun when nobodies paying attention to it!

If my DD2 is anything to go off, the next stage is whinging, whining & crying over every little thing...

I agree for me though I don't let everything she does slide I have set boundaries and a small easy set of rules written in glitter on cardboard mind you the card board has been attacked and ripped
Every morning we go over the rules and if she breaks a rule she has consequences
It's so much work I sound like a broken record most day it like pause rewind play


When mine has hit pulled my hair or poked me or kicked me I have shown her by pulling her hair ( not hard ) just enough to let her understand it hurts

Hi guys,

I have an 18 month old son who's behavior leaves a lot to be desired. I was not aware that my 18 month old could have an attitude problem, but it seems lately that he is ruling our household. He constantly gets into things that I have told him a million times not to, and trust me, I've tried every method of locking and keeping him out. When he is getting in to things he knows he shouldn't, he will look at me and smile while I am telling him not to.

That is perfectly normal toddler behaviour. They are testing limits and learning acceptable behaviour. Your response in this situation will influence his behaviour. What are you doing/where are you when he is doing these things btw? Are you in the room with him supervising, or are you leaving him to play by himself whilst you do other things? I'm asking because you say you have "tried every method of locking and keeping him out". If you are in the room with him you shouldn't have to lock him out. Kids need to explore their environment to learn.

When he is roused on, he will point his finger at me and yell what I'm sure are obscene words in his language.

Babies do not speak another language - and I doubt he would be yelling obscenities at you - unless that's what to do. If you are not happy with his behaviour perhaps you need to have a look at your behaviour - because at that age kids copy other people's behaviour. Do you yell and point your finger in frustration?

He also likes to throw things for no particular reason, he also know he gets into trouble for this but loves my reaction. He will walk up to me out of the blue and smack, pinch, poke me, pull my hair or throw something at me.

There is a reason for his behaviour - as you said he loves your reaction. Perhaps you should try changing the way you react and his behaviour will change.

When I try to hug or kiss him he pushes us away.

Kids don't kiss or hug on demand unless they feel like it. You need to find a way of forming a bond with him so that he feels safe and acknowledged.

The other day he drew on the wall and I lost me cool and smacked him (probably not the best thing to do while I'm teaching him not to smack) but the smack hurt my hand, he laughed at me!

Honestly, if the smack hurt YOUR hand, how much do you think it would have hurt HIM. I would be more concerned about that not his reaction.

He's extremely funny and charming especially around other people, he loves the attention.

So he loves positive attention and is funny and charming and well behaved when he gets it - does that tell you anything?

but wondering if I am just being a whinger or if I have something to be concerned about. How do I deal with this behavior? Is there something I am doing wrong? And am I the only one who can't wait for their childrens bed time some days?

To be honest yes - from your post you have something to be concerned about - but it's not your son's behaviour. You don't seem to have a connection with him at all. You don't seem to see the little person that is trying to work out the environment and people around him and how he fits into this picture. He seems to irritate you. Have you felt this way since he was born? Do you feed, bathe, and clothe him so he is well taken care of but yet resent him and cannot stand to be around him? Do you think you may have PND?

I think you should speak to your CYH nurse and maybe have a look at this site http://raisingchildren.net.au/behaviour/toddlers_behaviour.html for some help.

To be honest yes - from your post you have something to be concerned about - but it's not your son's behaviour. You don't seem to have a connection with him at all. You don't seem to see the little person that is trying to work out the environment and people around him and how he fits into this picture. He seems to irritate you. Have you felt this way since he was born? Do you feed, bathe, and clothe him so he is well taken care of but yet resent him and cannot stand to be around him? Do you think you may have PND?

I think you should speak to your CYH nurse and maybe have a look at this site http://raisingchildren.net.au/behaviour/toddlers_behaviour.html for some help.

Wow, what a judgemental over-reaction.

Wow, what a judgemental over-reaction.

no - an honest opinion - there's a difference

Hi guys,

I have an 18 month old son who's behavior leaves a lot to be desired. I was not aware that my 18 month old could have an attitude problem, but it seems lately that he is ruling our household. He constantly gets into things that I have told him a million times not to, and trust me, I've tried every method of locking and keeping him out. When he is getting in to things he knows he shouldn't, he will look at me and smile while I am telling him not to. When he is roused on, he will point his finger at me and yell what I'm sure are obscene words in his language. He also likes to throw things for no particular reason, he also know he gets into trouble for this but loves my reaction. He will walk up to me out of the blue and smack, pinch, poke me, pull my hair or throw something at me. When I try to hug or kiss him he pushes us away. The other day he drew on the wall and I lost me cool and smacked him (probably not the best thing to do while I'm teaching him not to smack) but the smack hurt my hand, he laughed at me! He is extremely clumsy and falls over quite a few times a day, not a tear, or even a murmer, it seems he is not at all bothered by pain. When things do not go his way (eg: he can not get a toy out of somewhere) he will run and throw himself on something. He's a very smart child, generally his speech is up to date, he works things out pretty fast, and seems to be advanced in some areas. He's extremely funny and charming especially around other people, he loves the attention. He wakes up at 5 every morning, if not earlier, is starting to cut out day sleeps and at night when it comes to bed time, he kicks around when he should be really tired. He goes all day long and will not sit down unless he is eating and even then it's a struggle. I have never seen a child go like this. I am at my wits end, but wondering if I am just being a whinger or if I have something to be concerned about. How do I deal with this behavior? Is there something I am doing wrong? And am I the only one who can't wait for their childrens bed time some days?

Hi.

Do you think he might be in need of a decent sleep? You know for yourself that being tired can make you cranky. Id try an earlier bed time and if he wont sleep during the day maybe get him to have quiet time or go for a big drive so he has to rest.

With the smacking and tantruming and swear words could he be learning it from a person in his life like a family member or other child?
When he yells and points at you, hits you, throws things etc tell him in a calm low register voice "stop. We do not hit (or what ever he has done) now you have time out" and put him in a spot where u can see each other but he hasn't got toys or your attention. The first few times you may need to stand near him to keep sitting him back down if he trys to get up and run away. The key is to keep yourself calm and not raise your voice. This way your not giving him negative or positive attention for the behaviour and you've explained what he did wrong and that his punishment is time out. If he has thrown an object take him to it and get him to pick it up and put it away when time out is over. I try and use the rule of time=age so a one year old gets one minute and a two year old gets two minutes. I put my 18 month old in time out for 1.5minutes top. Be careful not to over use time out or it may become a game.

I think communication is one of the best tools any parent can use. Dont forget to give an over dose of positive attention for good behaviour and when he's calm.

I hope it works out for you.
Good luck.

Wow, what a judgemental over-reaction.

Agreed! Hope Yasmin doesn't even give that a second thought!

OP, sounds pretty normal to me but I'm so glad you posted that! My dd is the same- she has plenty of positive attention, we have a beautiful bond etc.. But she sure knows how to push boundaries and makes sure I'm looking most of the time lol keep going with it- try to distract as much as you can, stay strong with setting boundaries as kids need them to feel safe.

All I do when saying no etc.. Etc is not working is distract! I might take her outside and blow bubbles, get playdough out or if it's later at night grab some paper and pencils just to unwind but distract smile

The other thing I noticed is he is getting up quite early And cutting out day naps- I would recommend getting him some more sleep if you can- dd gets super difficult without enough sleep and even harder to put to bed at night as she is so over tired!! Maybe he needs more sleep? When he really starts to get tricky in the day maybe jump on that and wind him down or put him straight in the cot and see how he goes smile

Good luck- just know that most of us are having the same problem with our energetic 18month olds wink

I think above all you really need to remember that he is still a baby.

If he is getting into things you would rather him not, put them out of his reach and redirect him to something he CAN play with. Cupboard locks are fantastic, of there is anything you don't want him touching, pop it in a cupboard and get one of these locks. I guarantee your 18 month old will not be able to get into them smile

The smacking thing...he is just experimenting, he doesn't intentionally mean to hurt you, he just knows when he hits you, you react. When he smacks you just tell him that it hurts and show him how to be more gentle.

My DS does almost everything you have described and it has taken me a while but now I realize it is just normal behaviour for a toddler. Nothing to worry about. As long as you respond in a loving, gentle manner he will be fine and will grow out of it in his own time smile

I agree with what cruxy has said. While its normal for toddlers to behave like this occasionally or go through a phase of it the behaviour shouldn't be constant. I thought many of the same things when first reading this post.

Not in a nasty "you're a *** parent" kind of way. But as a concernfor the poster.

Hi.

Do you think he might be in need of a decent sleep? You know for yourself that being tired can make you cranky. Id try an earlier bed time and if he wont sleep during the day maybe get him to have quiet time or go for a big drive so he has to rest.

With the smacking and tantruming and swear words could he be learning it from a person in his life like a family member or other child?
When he yells and points at you, hits you, throws things etc tell him in a calm low register voice "stop. We do not hit (or what ever he has done) now you have time out" and put him in a spot where u can see each other but he hasn't got toys or your attention. The first few times you may need to stand near him to keep sitting him back down if he trys to get up and run away. The key is to keep yourself calm and not raise your voice. This way your not giving him negative or positive attention for the behaviour and you've explained what he did wrong and that his punishment is time out. If he has thrown an object take him to it and get him to pick it up and put it away when time out is over. I try and use the rule of time=age so a one year old gets one minute and a two year old gets two minutes. I put my 18 month old in time out for 1.5minutes top. Be careful not to over use time out or it may become a game.

I think communication is one of the best tools any parent can use. Dont forget to give an over dose of positive attention for good behaviour and when he's calm.

I hope it works out for you.
Good luck.

I agree with this. smile

what time does he go to bed? I would be trying to get him to sleep in longer in the mornings, 5am or earlier is way too early to be getting up. I know when my DD1 is tired at night she can get very grumpy and throw tanties over the littlest things and become a little monster lol.