To day care or not to day care?

Ok this may get long winded as I have been emotional about this issue for the last couple of days. My now 2 year old DD1 was in home day care until 6 months ago when I went on maternity leave so decided to pull her out. I have now decided that I was to put her in day care to get some socialisation and to help with her talking. The reason I chose a day care centre over home day care again was:
1) I want DD1 and DD2 to be in the same place and I think it would be difficult to get them both into the same home day care.
2) I didn't want to be pulling them out in 12 months time for DD1 to go to Kindy then DD2 will have to start out again in a new centre.

Anyway, this week Monday and Tuesday DD1 and I went to a couple of transition days at the day care centre and then she went by herself on Wednesday. She was totally fine saying goodbye to me. She just waved and then she walked out the door in the massive playground all by herself. And this is what broke my heart. She only just turned 2 on Sunday and I am so used to her being watched pretty much all the time and here is my little girl walking off by herself with nobody watching her. I think I cried for half the day. Then when I went to pick her up, I was walking through and I saw her walking around the yard crying with nobody tending to her (WTF!!!). I went out and she saw me and burst into more tears. I picked her up and said to one of the teachers "She was just over there crying". They said that she had been really good all day and that something must have just happened. If somebody had been watching her wouldn't they know? DD1 then proceeded to cry all the way home - from what we gathered that night, I think she may have made a friend that disappeared on her. Then I proceeded to cry for the next 2 hours.

For the last couple of days I just keep running those moments through my head or dropping her off and picking her up and it has left me with a very very heavy heart. Is she ready? Am I not ready? Should I leave it and see how she goes? Any advice would be really helpful.

It sounds like you're over reacting a little bit to me- sorry.

Daycare centres have a lot of kids in them. in home daycare the carer has only a few kids to look at and they can see everything that goes on. In a centre the teachers could have been dealing with other kids, your daughter could have been facing away from them while crying, she might have just tripped and hurt herself without telling anyone.

I would not assume the staff don't care or are not looking after her because of this one incident.

The fact that she went happily by herself into the playground suggests to me she is more than ready for the environment but if you aren't maybe for your peace of mind you need to find another home daycare?

My DD is in family daycare 2 days a week and a centre 1 day (as family daycare was full that day) and she loves her family daycare but not the centre so much. I think there are pluses and minuses to each.

I don't think you are over reacting to this at all.

I don't know how people cope emotionally having to send their kids to daycare.

They get all they need being at home with mum. Is this an option for you?

A few ideas for socialising are...

Swimming lessons
Book class at Library
Visiting friends and relatives
Playgroup

and really just being with mum (or dad) as you run general errands and they can see how the world works
and people interacting with each other.

Good luck with what you decide.

Omg.

People cope emotionally with sending their kids to daycare because for most families, having Mum at home full time isn't an option, financially, and they HAVE to.

Hmm it sounds to me you just walked into the daycare right when your daughter started crying so it may have seemed like no one cared or bothered to see if she was ok. But im pretty sure the careers wouldnt just leave her cry and not worry about her.
And they did say she was fine all day and the only reason she was crying was because her friend went home or couldnt find him/her. NOt because she didnt like it there or anyone was picking on her.
My DD cried for about a month or so dropping her off but her teachers/careers would give her cuddles till she was settled or try to distract her with paintings or something. She LOVES going now and asks to go everyday but only goes on mondays and wednesdays.
But everyone is different it may take longer for your daughter to get used to it it may only take a few days, but I knew it was right for my daughter to go and make new friends, and so she is prepared when its time to go to school. I wanted to keep her home with me everyday after seeing her cry but I knew it was good for her. Her teachers told me she stopped crying before I even left the centre and she was fine. And if she didnt settle they would call me to go back and get her. But not once did they have to call me.
My DD just turned 2 when she started going...shes now 3.
Good Luck with your decision, maybe just take her back again and see how she reacts.
If its just a cry coz mummy leaving then I think shell be fine.

*The Good Wife* wrote:
I don't think you are over reacting to this at all.

I don't know how people cope emotionally having to send their kids to daycare.

They get all they need being at home with mum. Is this an option for you?

A few ideas for socialising are...

Swimming lessons
Book class at Library
Visiting friends and relatives
Playgroup

and really just being with mum (or dad) as you run general errands and they can see how the world works
and people interacting with each other.

Good luck with what you decide.

Agree - I'm a lucky one that gets to be home with the kids (though we've made financial sacrifices to do this aswell!) and I would be as upset as you about it all but I wouldn't say it's the centers fault- agree with Rosie Mama- things can happen quick but I would still be upset to see my baby upset with no comfort sad

Can you keep her home? They can have a great social life and learn to speak well through playdates, playgroup, mothers group, swimming lessons, gymnastics or dancing lessons etc..

But I would be upset too sad

I'm not sure how Aus works but in NZ, they have ratios that must be maintained. If children are outside there has to be the right number of teachers to watch over them and teachers need to position themselves in such a place where they can monitor the children. So your daughter should not have been crying on her own, that seems terrible. I am a fan of daycare as it aids development, having seen the difference between my son who goes to daycare and has just turned 4 and a friends child who is almost 6 and at school and really struggling (he never went to daycare), in many ways my son is much more advanced then this other wee boy. In saying that I will admit that I think parenting styles also do play a part in the differences as my friend and I are rather different in our ways of doing things

becs22 wrote:
I'm not sure how Aus works but in NZ, they have ratios that must be maintained. If children are outside there has to be the right number of teachers to watch over them and teachers need to position themselves in such a place where they can monitor the children. So your daughter should not have been crying on her own, that seems terrible. I am a fan of daycare as it aids development, having seen the difference between my son who goes to daycare and has just turned 4 and a friends child who is almost 6 and at school and really struggling (he never went to daycare), in many ways my son is much more advanced then this other wee boy. In saying that I will admit that I think parenting styles also do play a part in the differences as my friend and I are rather different in our ways of doing things

Yeah I think the ratio is 1-5or6?? But im just guessing as Iv heard conversations in the mornings on how many kids there are when I drop DD off and only having one teacher with them. So I could be wrong!

Rosie Mumma wrote:
Omg.

People cope emotionally with sending their kids to daycare because for most families, having Mum at home full time isn't an option, financially, and they HAVE to.

Wow. O.k, please relax. I simply thought your first response was a little bit harsh.

What I wrote about people coping emotionally was meant more as a compliment than anything else.

Us Mum's who have to send our kids to daycare feel guilty enough as it is. I guess that comment, coupled with the "They get everything they need being home with mum" seemed like a bit of a dig.

Many a day I've dropped DD at the daycare centre and cried all the way to work. Some of us just have to do it.

Not sure how my first response was harsh? Just an honest opinion put politely I thought......

Rosie Mumma wrote:
Us Mum's who have to send our kids to daycare feel guilty enough as it is. I guess that comment, coupled with the "They get everything they need being home with mum" seemed like a bit of a dig.

Many a day I've dropped DD at the daycare centre and cried all the way to work. Some of us just have to do it.

Not sure how my first response was harsh? Just an honest opinion put politely I thought......

No, no. Not a dig at all. I believe they do get everything they need being at home with mum (or dad), but that is by no means saying I think people who send their kids to daycare are wrong. Each to their own on that matter.

Rosie Mumma wrote:
Us Mum's who have to send our kids to daycare feel guilty enough as it is. I guess that comment, coupled with the "They get everything they need being home with mum" seemed like a bit of a dig.

Many a day I've dropped DD at the daycare centre and cried all the way to work. Some of us just have to do it.
Not sure how my first response was harsh? Just an honest opinion put politely I thought......

Agreed and like. Bring back the damn like button!!