Toddlers & newborns - HELP!

Hi,

I have a 20 month old son named Hunter, and he's fully aware that I am pregnant. I am nearly 32 weeks along and am petrified as to how my son will react when the new baby arrives, especially also being a single mother with PND with next to no support around me.

What are some strategies you have used personally to cope with the changes of raising a Toddler as well as handling a NB? And in what ways do you keep your toddler involved so there's not much [or at least reduce the amount] of the sibling rivalry thing going on?

Thanks, any help would be VERY HIGHLY appreciated smile

Hello

I don't have a newborn yet but I'm 25 weeks along with my second and my DD is 20 months. I'm due only two weeks before DDs second birthday.

I'm not sure what you mean by your DS being fully aware that you are pregnant. At 20 months it is highly unlikely that he is. He may say things like "baby in mummys tummy" or something but that does not mean he understands that you have a child in your uterus and that it will one day come out and be his new baby brother or sister.

It's fine to give credit where credit is due but try not to have too high expectations of your DS because you may be disappointed.

In relation to being prepared to have a NB and toddler some suggestions that may help are
- Make sure you have a safe place out of the toddlers reach to keep the baby. Such as a stable bassinet.
- Talk to your toddler about what you are doing with the NB when you are doing it. For example; "I'm changing baby's nappy now so he/she will be nice and clean"
- Put aside some time through out the day to involve your toddler with the NB. Allow toddler to gently touch NB and sing or talk to him/her.
-When possible ask a reliable/trustworthy person to look after your toddler for a little while so you can get some sleep and some peace. You may find that even an hours break will do you a world of good stress wise.
-Don't be affraid to ask for help. Your midwives, doctor, child health nurse are all there to help you but they can't do that if you don't tell them you need help.

Good luck. x

My toddler was almost 18 months when my 2nd baby was born, some advice i could give is don't expect too much! Don't expect everything is going to be the same as with your first baby... every baby is so different. Don't expect your toddler's is going to stay the same, his sleeping patterns and behavior is going to change. He will most like cry for your attention when you are busy with baby. It is going to take some time adjusting for them too having a little brother or sister.

I found with my girl that she was so inlove with her little sister but obviously she didn't understand that she can hurt her if she touch too hard or poke her eye, but keeping her away was impossible so if I allowed her to touch and interact with her sister she was happy but I had too keep showing her how to be gently. Also involving her with everything like nappy changes, she was able to get a nappy and even undo baby's clothes so she felt very important helping me. And also alot of one on one playing with my toddler was very important when baby was asleep so that she didn't feel left out. After the novelty of having a new baby sister wore off a bit she was happily playing on her own again but still wanted to be picked up or cried for attention espesially when I had the baby in my arms.

And to be honest don't expect much sleep for the first few weeks, it will getter once you have some sort of routine going. My toddler now goes to preschool for 3 hours 2 days a week and i love just having that few hours to do something or just to have a cuddle on the bed with my little one, which is something you might not get to do often with a toddler.

And most important don't ever leave your baby unattended with your toddler, even for a moment. If you have to go to the loo, put baby in bassinet or cot safe away from toddler, mine has tried several times to put various things in baby's mouth.

O and another thing is get a good stroller/pram with seat for newborn and toddler, that was honestly my lifesaver when we had a bad day and couldn't get either to sleep, or just when I felt i were going insane, is did miracles just going for a walk and getting some fresh air!

Hi, my little man was two weeks shy of 2 years old when his baby brother was born. Yes, I agree with the previous post - don't really have expectations, because your toddler is going to go through a very big change and will not behave the same as they currently are. Expect change and go with the flow a little. Everyone's reaction to the newborn, and how the newborn is itself, is hard to predict, so don't try to ahead of time. Just try and relax as much as possible in the first few weeks and let everyone just get to know eachother and form new routines as you go. I will say try to spend a little time each day alone with your toddler to let them know how much you still love them. Perhaps while the newborn is sleeping (hopefully). Yes involve them with the newborn although you need to be very careful let them touch them and help. But yes never leave them alone (time for a playpen perhaps?). Be firm but kind to the toddler over the new rules with newborn around. They get a bit confused about it all. They will love their new sibling but also feel the loss of having all your attention. It's a hard but rewarding adjusting phase. Fast forward a few months and you will all not remember a time without having 2 children. Get as much rest as you can. And I too resorted to a double pram and did long walks too if it all got too much especially if the little ones weren't sleeping. In fact I found it was a great time for reconnecting with the older one - because baby would fall asleep and then I could have some precious time talking and playing with the toddler while out and about. Also don't do too much with your toddler with regards to any toilet training, big bed and all that now. Wait for a few months when things have settled down a bit. A present from the baby to the toddler is a nice idea for when toddler first meets baby. And vice versa - let your toddler pick a nice small soft toy for baby. Good luck! Aleta C.

Bumping this up smile

My DD will be 2.5 when this one is born and I do wonder how she will be. I don't know if she does realise that she will have a brother or sister soon.
I worry that she is going to be "too" helpful.