DP expectations

HI there,

DS is 3yr old. DP and i are clashing all the time when it comes to discipline etc. Its like DP thinks that our son is the only 3yr old who back chats, says 'no' to everything, doesnt listen, and has just started saying he doent love us anymore, and DP just nit picks all the time, always on his back to clean up his toys, not to touch the couch if he has dirty hands, and the list goes on.
Its so frustrating, as DP works long hours and sometimes works interstate and the time he is home it fells like he is always challenging DS. In saying all this though, they do have a wonderful relationship and do have half hour of playtime everynight and spend time on weekends.
DP wasnt close to his father when growing up, for exactly the same reasons ive mentioned above, i have aked him if he would like a better relationship with DS than what he had with his dad, and of course he says yes.
I just want our DS to be able to be a kid and a typical 3yr old, of course i dont let DS get away with everything, but geez im not nagging him all the time.
Ive just started reading a book called 'Toddler Taming' and the author has some really good points in there that i agree with, would it be unfair of me to put sticky notes on the pages id like DP to read???

I think it would be a good idea to do that. I've found that sometimes guys need other people to mention things to them before they take notice! I leave magazines open at articles in the toilet for my hubby to read!!

My nephew's step dad Nit picked all the time, it only made my nephew worse because he figured he couldn't do anything right why bother at all... long story short he's just been charged with stealing a bike and he's only 7.

I discipline my kids, but at the end of the day kids will be kids, they are just discovering their world. Everytime I think about telling my DS off (also 3) I think about if I have taught him if it is wrong or not... just because we know emptying the whole bottle of bubble bath is naughty, do they?

Maybe suggest to your husband that if he made things a game that your DS might respond better, like "quick lets see who can put the toys away quicker.. bet I can beat you. then once they've finished to praise him "WOW you did such a good job putting away your toys, we have to make sure we put them away that good everyday" Praise and rewards works so much better than discipline.

Hope all goes well xx

I used to read the relevant pages and sections to DH or show him the pamphlets from the CHN on whatever topic was in contention. I would then discuss it with him and we would try to set a plan of action in place.

Now that DS is 21 months I am trying to convince DH that the punishment should fit the crime instead of his knee jerk reactions of "Go to your room" or telling DS off for his misbehaviours.

If your DP doesnt want dirty hands on the couch then he should be encouraging your DS to wash his hands, if he wants the toys picked up then he should model it and help clean them up. I found that this worked really well with my DS and now he will do these things almost without prompting.

Remind your DP that the way kids react is in fact a reflection of our own behaviours, and the way they respond to things is similar (if not the same as) the way we respond to a situation.

Good luck. I know how frustrating this clash of wills and good intentions can be smile

HI there,

DS is 3yr old. DP and i are clashing all the time when it comes to discipline etc. Its like DP thinks that our son is the only 3yr old who back chats, says 'no' to everything, doesnt listen, and has just started saying he doent love us anymore, and DP just nit picks all the time, always on his back to clean up his toys, not to touch the couch if he has dirty hands, and the list goes on.
Its so frustrating, as DP works long hours and sometimes works interstate and the time he is home it fells like he is always challenging DS. In saying all this though, they do have a wonderful relationship and do have half hour of playtime everynight and spend time on weekends.
DP wasnt close to his father when growing up, for exactly the same reasons ive mentioned above, i have aked him if he would like a better relationship with DS than what he had with his dad, and of course he says yes.
I just want our DS to be able to be a kid and a typical 3yr old, of course i dont let DS get away with everything, but geez im not nagging him all the time.
Ive just started reading a book called 'Toddler Taming' and the author has some really good points in there that i agree with, would it be unfair of me to put sticky notes on the pages id like DP to read???

This sounds exactly like my situation!!

I was getting very frustrated to the point of me moving out with the kids as dp expected too much.

I decided that we needed to go to a parenting class to be on the same level and for him to be properly informed of the way a 3 year old behaves. He wouldn't listen to me when i bought up all the info I had read, would just say oh the internet tells you this.
I went to a 1 2 3 magic course and hope to go to a triple p course. My dp is now on board with these and we are working towards being more positive parents and it has improved.
Good luck with it all-